French Kiss emoji

Guess the Emoji is one of the most popular emoji guessing games on the market. It has been around for a while and has over 1,000 puzzles! These emoji games really can be fun for all ages, the kids can get involved and then come to the adults when they get stuck. 💏Kiss. A kissing gesture, shown with a pink love heart floating in the air between two people. Previously shown as with the same appearance as 👩‍ ️‍💋‍👨 Kiss: Woman, Man on most platforms, but now displays two people with an ambiguous gender appearance.. Kiss was approved as part of Unicode 6.0 in 2010 and added to Emoji 1.0 in 2015. Copy 9 kiss Emojis 😘 😗 😙 😚 😽 💏 👨‍ ️‍💋‍👨 👩‍ ️‍💋‍👩 💋 with one click and paste in any App. All new Emojis available. Optional generate Emoji images. To French kiss someone, first move in closer and tilt your head to the side a little bit so you're ready to kiss them. Close your eyes and start with some gentle kisses. Then, open your mouth a little to invite your partner to start using their tongue. If they do, kiss them back using your tongue lightly too. French Kiss emoji said: 07 Dec '15. Awesome kissing emoji smiley. Kisses emojis said: 05 Nov '15. Awesome kisses! Wow! Infinity said: 23 Aug '15. Kissing is expressing your emotion and this is a good emoji to show that emotion. Gif said: 18 Jun '15. Awesome kiss animation. Love it. emoji quiz level 296 answer 2 words 10 letters = FRENCH KISS Puzzle Emoji Quiz By Mangoo Games on facebook, amazon kindle, iphone and android device Guess the emoji combination picture with category of brand, celebrity, movie, food, word, place, expression, game, object and solve what does the emoji images mean using these emoji quiz level 296 ... Mar 10, 2015 - French kiss Copy Send Share Send in a message, share on a timeline or copy and paste in your comments. Tell so... .. Article from ... Facebook Smileys Symbols Emoticons My Emotions Feelings Kiss Emoji Cool Emoji Emoji Faces Gifs French Kiss. More information... Article by Emoticons. 46. Kiss emoji is the picture of the opposite-sex couple who is about to Kiss each other (in cases of most emoji providers) or is already kissing (in case of Samsung and emojidex). It looks as if it is the follow-up of 💑 Couple With Heart emoji — especially in the versions where it features a heart above the kissing two. 🇫🇷Flag: France. The flag for France, which may show as the letters FR on some platforms.. The Flag: France emoji is a flag sequence combining 🇫 Regional Indicator Symbol Letter F and 🇷 Regional Indicator Symbol Letter R.These display as a single emoji on supported platforms. Flag: France was added to Emoji 1.0 in 2015. Emoji History The emoji code/ image log of changes.. This emoji was part of the proprietary / non-standardized emoji set first introduced by Japanese carriers like Softbank. These emojis became part of the Apple iPhone starting in iOS 2.2 as an unlockable feature on handsets sold in English speaking countries.

The HEL Jumper [Chapter 3.24]

2020.08.21 18:21 SabatonBabylon The HEL Jumper [Chapter 3.24]

Book 1 of The HEL Jumper
Book 2 of The HEL Jumper
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“You know, I don’t usually find myself proven wrong in such matters, but I’m happy to concede in this case. So you believe it will be a girl then?” Gentia asked, looking over Asha’s ultrasound results with Yvonne. “I think Zolta will be very happy.”
At the later hour there was not much traffic within the temple of Meylith, the cubs too young to work and worshippers having returned home for the most part. As such it was easy to find privacy on one of the wooden benches without retreating to the maternity ward annex. The priestess was turning another copy of the blurry, black and white photograph over in her hands, examining both the subject and the material.
“Certain assumptions had to be made given I have never examined one of your kind before,” the doctor admitted. “But I am quite confident in making them at this juncture, with the child so well developed. Oh, would you excuse me for a moment? I should see who that is.”
Gentia’s old ears had caught the sound of faint ringing and vibration, which turned out to be the inscrutable tablet-like device that Yvonne used for a variety of tasks. Every human, save Russell, seemed to carry one about at all times. Whatever the message was, the doctor only needed a moment to process it. “Was it young Alice? You have that look about you,” Gentia offered with a knowing smile. “I assume it’s mild exasperation, but you’ll have to tell me if not. At least you are able to speak our language with those marvelous devices of yours. I realize I never told you that I like your fur better this way. I believe it looks more dignified, but that’s my own age and graying fur showing, perhaps. This is your natural color?”
“You don’t seem very surprised. Yes, it is,” Yvonne confirmed, running a hand through her thick, shoulder-length locks.
“Why should I be surprised?” Gentia countered, rolling her shoulders slightly. “You mentioned such a thing could be done to young Asha the other day. I have no reason to not believe you. Now, what news?”
“You may not like it,” the human warned, though her tone was not dire by any stretch. “It appears that your husband would like to accompany us on a resource gathering mission in space. The way Alice describes it, it is considered to be the realm of your god of death? I have been asked to verify his health as a matter of safety, but I did not bring my tools with me. At least life is never boring with Natori and Alice in the mix.”
Gentia rested two fingers against her brow, indulging in a world-weary sigh as she clearly felt the same as Yvonne. “The young ones have already done so safely but… yes, that does sound like my dear Thantis. His spirit seems to grow only younger as our bodies grow older.”
As though called by name, the death priest himself chose that moment to shuffle into the temple. “Dear? I made some tea for dinner. Shall we eat here or at my temple?”
“It would seem you also bring some news for me, hmm?” Gentia replied, giving Yvonne an apologetic glance before standing and leaving her side. She and Thantis nuzzled one another briefly before the head priestess of Meylith was back to all business.
“Yvonne will have dinner with us tonight if she is amenable,” she declared with a look over her shoulder. “There is much for you to explain, my love. Yvonne, we spoke of your family when we first met. Did your mate accompany you on this journey to our world?”
“Yes, we spoke briefly of Gerard and my children,” Yvonne affirmed, currently in the process of penning a text message to the very same. Even if he did not deliver her medical equipment himself, she trusted him to select the right tools for the job of reviewing Thantis’ state of health.
“Do you think he’d like to join us?” Gentia proposed. “If the rumors are correct, it seems those who share meals with us on Mara have a tendency to come back for more. Do you know what Ursol does every morning now, Thantis?”
“I believe I’m about to hear. But perhaps we should formally extend our invitation first, my dear? Your mind is moving faster than your lips and feathers,” Thantis replied, his tone making it clear that such a quality was one of the reasons he and Gentia were mated.
“He tells me what he and Lachlan eat for breakfast and what the human likes most. Simply adorable. Yvonne?” Gentia asked simply, gathering up her cloak and a basket. “Our dinner would be at Thantis’ temple. Some privacy will be afforded there.”
“And we would be happy to accept. I hope you don’t mind a bit of a later night? It will take some time for him to join us,” the frenchwoman explained.
“Unless you wish to dine on dried meat and raw vegetables, I am not concerned,” the priestess replied kindly as Yvonne checked the shuttle schedule for the Event Horizon. Seeing how late the return window would be, she quickly added a request to her husband for a thermos of coffee. Her reply was a thumbs up, a cup of coffee, and a French flag emoji. With a satisfied, loving smile that could only be conjured by her eccentric husband, along with a brief snort through her nose in place of a laugh, she stowed her tablet away so as not to be rude.
“My husband and I gladly accept. Is there anything I can help you with?” Yvonne wondered. Gentia waved her hand, bidding Yvonne to accompany the two older Cauthan on a short ‘shopping trip’ to the granary at the back of the temple.
“I will show you some of our produce then. Come, please. How much does your mate eat? I was going to cook for four, but if he is the particularly hungry sort?”
“You need not concern yourself,” Yvonne assured her with a small laugh. “Gerard and I appreciate quality over quantity. After so much time aboard, I think he will be most pleased simply to come visit and have a real meal. Although...”
“Is something wrong?” Thantis wondered as Yvonne stroked her chin thoughtfully.
“No no, not at all. I am simply concerned that if I am not there to meet him when he arrives we may never see him tonight. He is an exceptionally curious man who would no doubt find even those little animals caged outside the walls to be interesting.”
“Then I eagerly await this evening’s conversation,” Thantis piped up. “Speaking of which, Gentia, did my apprentice ever stop by with his human?”
Gentia paused, having just reached out to select a dato from one of their storage baskets, made to keep produce dry and unspoiled between harvests. “His human? Thantis, just what have you been getting up to over the last cycle?”
“Nothing my dear! I simply misspoke. He is accompanying one of the humans who is supposed to help us grow more food. She visited our village for the first time today. I had thought they might have stopped by to speak with you.”
“I have seen neither hide nor hair of either him or this human you speak of,” Gentia related firmly before refocusing her mate on the task at hand. “Now, shall we have grain or bread with our stew tonight?”
-----
Elsewhere in the village, a similar question was being answered as Xan’s mother fussed about her family’s communal pot. In a remarkable coup, her eldest son had brought home a girl. Disappointingly from the perspective of grandcubs, that girl was a human. “So, how did you two meet?” she asked her son as he sat on one of their chairs and warmed his leg by the cooking fire. Anita blushed furiously upon hearing the translation, but she generally had her hands full speaking with Xan’s younger sister. Given her older brother had been palling around with humans of one form or another for almost a year, she was in no mood to allow such an opportunity to go to waste.
“Do you have to ask it like that?” Xan demanded of his mom. From behind him, his father chuckled as if to say ‘yes, of course, she’s your mother’. “It’s nothing like that. She’s in charge of these crazy metal machines the humans have that grow all sorts of plants I’ve never seen before from their homeworld. I suppose it’s what they all eat on board that thing. I didn’t see any animals like chesko or shen up there. Anyway, since Antoth made that agreement to try and have them grow some of our food, I was being shown this stuff by Alice and we met. Now she’s here to learn about our plants. Here, Anita, as promised,” Xan offered, interrupting his sister who was touching the human’s braided ponytail with an expression that bordered on reverence, her feathers shaking with excitement. His mother had just finished slicing up a couple of kina, and he secured a small portion of the fleshy, seed-filled center of the vegetable for Anita. He handed that over along with several motes of grain that he knew would sprout if planted and watered.
With gentle touch, Anita separated herself from Xan’s sister and opened up her bag, the practice of horticulture taking her mind off of how incredibly nervous she was. His mother making dating jokes only added to the oppressive weight of not wanting to commit a cultural faux pas amongst aliens she barely understood and with whom Alice and her brother had established relationships. Plants, however, she was comfortable with. Each crop was meticulously stored and the respective tubes labeled before she stashed them away again. “Thank you, Xan. I will plant them tonight!”
“He didn’t give you much trouble today, did he?” Xan’s father asked. “Didn’t coerce you into joining us tonight with the promise of seeds?”
“Oh for the love of Kel, dad!” Xan exclaimed before turning back to Anita. “Sorry, this may have been a mistake.”
“He was quite helpful and definitely didn’t engage in any such thing,” Anita offered in his defense. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring anything to contribute. This has all been rather sudden. I didn’t even bring real boots with me when I left Earth.”
“Nonsense! No need to worry about such things with times as good as they are and harvests coming in. You can pay us back when you grow some of these things yourself, eh?” Xan’s father suggested before poking his son. “You told her the tips and tricks?”
“What? About the kina?”
“About all of them!” the older male exclaimed, gesturing to their guest. “What’s your name again?”
“A-Anita, sir.”
“Well Anita, it’s a good thing you came here tonight. My son’s had swords and shields on his mind from the time he could swing one, never cared much for the cultivation of the food that kept him alive to do so.”
Xan grumbled and muttered as his dad clapped him on the shoulder. “And we couldn’t be more proud of him, and what he’s done. We’ll get you set up right, tell you all you need to know to make those seeds sprout.”
“My my, you’re feeling so generous tonight, dear!” Xan’s mother commented, shaving a bit of root into the stew with a cooking knife. The unassuming Cauthan mother sported glasses on the bridge of her nose, a gift from Alice and the crew of the Event Horizon.
“These humans gave you your sight! This is only appropriate,” he insisted. “Besides, more food couldn’t possibly be a bad thing, right?”
“He happens to find them quite fetching, is what he means. I like them too!” Xan’s mother said quietly to Anita. “What do you need to know?”
Suddenly on the spot and scrutinized by five pairs of eyes, including Xan’s younger brother who’d not said a word to her, choosing to stare cautiously instead, Anita found her voice quite fleeting. “Do you want something to drink?” Xan asked. “Come on, we can go grab some water nearby. Mom, dad, you can tell her all about farming over dinner. Just give her a chance to get settled alright?”
“We have some right here,” Xan’s mother pointed out, gesturing to a wooden bucket. “But that’s fine, sweetie. We can speak while we eat dinner.”
“How did you make your fur grow so long?” Xan’s sister interjected, unable to contain herself any longer in the midst of such boring conversation. “Mine falls out every year!”
“Oh, well this isn’t fur exactly,” Anita tried to explain. “Where I come from there are many animals that have fur like you do, that sheds every year. My hair is a little different.”
“What’s hair?”
“Well it’s… fur that doesn’t shed or fall out every year. I’m sorry, I’m not very good at this,” Anita apologized as Xan’s sister just cocked her head in confusion.
“Eh, it’s fine,” Xan assured her. “I’ll ask Alice or Io to explain it to me and then I’ll teach her.”
“Everyone grab a bowl now,” Xan’s mother ordered, effectively declaring dinner to be prepared. His younger siblings rushed to collect their helpings, and when Anita insisted it was fine that they be served first, the meal began in earnest. All she could do was hope that dinner’s discussion would prove a bit less awkward and that the food wouldn’t disagree with her.
-----
As it turned out, Anita managed to survive the meal. And while she felt she’d come through relatively unscathed, waiting for a very late shuttle at the western gate with Xan, it was clear that a certain couple had positively thrived during their sharing of Cauthan victuals.
“As we grow older we lose bit by bit off the ends, every cycle coming closer to destroying the important parts that we need.”
“My word! How terrifying,” Thantis exclaimed as Gerard explained the concept of a telomere with the sort of gravitas that only a cellular biologist of romantic origins could conjure. It was for the best, however, with metaphor and a dash of fantasy being the only way to adequately convey such ideas to a priest whose scientific acumen was defined by a rudimentary understanding of germ theory.
“Yes, quite humbling, isn’t it? To think we have our own wicks burning within us, billions of candles slowly and inevitably snuffing themselves out. If they stop, we stop. I would not be surprised if you are the same way, my friend,” Gerard posited as a faint, moving light became visible in the skies above.
“Has he always possessed such a flair for the dramatic?” Gentia whispered in Yvonne’s ear, the two matrons having spent an enjoyable evening together over stew and discussion of maternal and prenatal care.
“I am pleased to report that he has always been this way,” Yvonne answered, both of the women smirking knowingly as Thantis proposed a rather acute question for a Cauthan who had only just been introduced to the concept of a cell.
“But Gerard, and I do hope I pronounced that right.”
“Stupendous, Thantis! Please, carry on,” the Frenchman encouraged.
“You said that this… essence of life, if you will, is passed from parent to child. How can it be that it itself ages, and yet I assume your offspring are born young just as ours are?”
The very starlight above seemed to twinkle in Gerard’s eye, convincing Gentia at least that there was such a thing as fate. Nothing else could have brought such men together over such distances. “Thantis, mon ami, that is the question that I have striven to answer my whole life. If one could solve that riddle, perhaps one could stave off death itself.”
“Such things are not to be trifled with,” Thantis warned sagely.
“On this I am in agreement,” Gerard stated. “But if you could spend another year with your beloved, would you not?”
“I will spend an eternity at her side, Gerard. Such things are not necessary,” Thantis said in turn, causing Yvonne to heave a dramatic breath and fan herself in the warm air of that summer night.
“Do you have any idea what they’re talking about?” Xan whispered to Anita. Her answer was a fitful shrug.
“Something about aging and telomeres, I think?”
“A what now?” the young Cauthan requested with a wiggle of his scarred ear.
“Xan, I don’t think I’ll be able to explain this to you if I couldn’t even tell your sister what hair is,” Anita lamented.
“Oh it’s fine. She just gets that way anytime she can’t know something about anything. It really is quite long though. I’m impressed. This is probably as long as my fur or feathers will ever grow. But at least I have scales and you don’t!” he laughed.
“Yes, I suppose you do,” Anita agreed, looking down at his wrists and feet. Small, interlocking scales glinted in the light of several torches that were lit at the gates. Even with the addition of numerous modern lanterns, the guard force was not so quick to abandon tradition.
“Do you have everything you think you’ll need?” Xan asked her. “From the sound of it, before they went off on that tangent about life and everything else, it seems like Thantis will be going up to your ship for a couple days after all. That means I’ll have to stay down here.”
“You and your family gave me everything I needed and more, Xan. I am very grateful to you all. I will do my best to ensure these seeds bear fruit,” she promised as Cromwell’s shuttle touched down for the third time that day. “Farewell, Xan.”
“Woah woah hey, don’t… don’t say it like that?” he requested, standing a bit straighter as Yvonne showed Gentia and Thantis how to bid a close acquaintance good evening in the French tradition, with a quick kiss on each cheek. The Cauthan took to it splendidly, laughing as their longer muzzles resulted in inadvertent eskimo kisses.
“Like what?” Anita asked, meeting his eyes. He tapped his cane a couple times on the ground as though the vibrations might conjure the correct words.
“It’s just that when you put it that way it sounded like you were saying goodbye for good, you know? You all aren’t leaving, right?”
“No, no of course not, Xan. The Event Horizon will return after a couple of days while we search for raw materials, and Thantis will be returned to your village,” she promised, feeling confident that Natori, for all his harebrained schemes, would not engage in any funny business regarding such an emissary as the chief death priest of the village.
“Ok, ok that’s good,” Xan nodded. “Do you think you’ll come back down here or… do you have what you need?” He wondered with an oddly tight chest. He shook his head briefly to rid himself of the momentary funk. While Xan’s proved fleeting, by the time he refocused on Anita she was still processing what he’d asked of her.
“You want me to come back to the village?” she asked, glancing at the shuttle. “I’m sorry, Xan. I need to go. It’s already quite late and I’ve kept you from your family. Thank you so much for everything today, you were very kind.”
“You’re welcome,” he murmured as Anita suddenly dashed off, making for the shuttle and the Event Horizon beyond. Left behind was a rather confused and conflicted apprentice death priest, observed closely by Thantis and Gentia. With assurances that a shuttle would arrive in the morning to collect the elder for his voyage, Brick kicked off the ground and began its ascent.
“I haven’t seen you this confused since I started teaching you runes, my apprentice,” Thantis observed.
“Oh Thantis that’s not confusion,” Gentia insisted sweetly. “That is the look of words unsaid.”
“Can I be confused about what I should or shouldn’t have said?” Xan asked sarcastically before changing his tone to one of appropriate respect. “Are you really going to go up there, Thantis?”
“Even if it is to be the last thing I do, I feel that I must,” the Cauthan stated bravely. “You have seen His domain, Xan. I selfishly wish to do the same.”
“After a lifetime of service, you tell Kel if you see him that if you are not returned to me I shall find him when I pass on and deliver unto him a tirade to last a thousand years!” Gentia insisted before taking Thantis’ paw in hers. “Just remember those of us you will leave behind.”
“Of course, my love,” Thantis promised. “Besides, Xan has yet to master my long list of brews and teas!”
“Look, if that’s what it takes,” Xan allowed, turning for home. “Let’s get back inside though. Even with the ursae gone the forest still freaks me out at night.”
-----
The next morning, the village was paid a visit by a rather important envoy in the form of Natori Kaczynski himself, who sought out Gentia and Thantis at the Temple of Kel.
“First of all, please allow me to extend my gratitude to you for allowing one of my horticultural engineers- I’m sorry, that’s a rather obtuse way of saying farmer!” he chuckled, realizing the translation likely wasn’t going through too well based on their expressions. “Thank you for allowing one of our farmers samples of your crops and soil. I have full confidence in her ability to grow a fine crop.”
Gentia and Thantis looked at one another. “I did not distribute any seeds from the granary last night,” the priestess of Meylith supplied.
“That was me, actually,” Xan piped up from where he sat in the corner. While he wasn’t involved in the conversation per se, Thantis was about to depart the village for the first time in living memory. It was necessary for him to be present. “We gave her some seeds and dato from our dinner last night, nothing serious. We didn’t have any erulass seeds though. It might be good to give her some of those? They have the space. Would be nice to have some more of that stuff without cutting down on food production.”
“You believe such a thing is wise, Xan?” Gentia demanded curiously, looking between him and Natori.
“If it were him planting them? No,” Xan laughed, promptly followed by Natori himself.
“An excellent judge of character! Can’t say I have a green thumb by any stretch of the imagination,” the human cut in. The Cauthan all looked at his rather dark and certainly not green thumbs, so he elaborated. “Ah, pardon me. It’s another human saying. To say one has a green thumb implies that one is skilled at growing and caring for plants. Anita has two of them, if I say so myself.”
“Just a handful, Gentia? Let her see if she can make it work?” Xan requested. The elders spoke silently with one another, feathers and long decades at one another’s side more than sufficient to come to a conclusion.
“I will send Thantis with the seeds today,” she affirmed before turning a stern gaze on Natori. “Now you will convince me that you will return my mate to me. I am not yet ready to say goodbye to him.”
“You have my word, madame,” Natori promised. “The safety of my crew and any guests aboard our vessel is always my first priority. This will be a standard operation and he will be offered a seat next to my own to oversee the process. I can assure you it’s quite a comfortable chair.”
Xan chuckled as Gentia’s feathers ruffled disappointedly. “If I were worried about his bottom we would not be speaking. My dear, you should go before I change my mind.”
“I will return him to you in two or three days depending on how quickly the operation proceeds,” Kaczynski continued. “And I will offer you the same pledge that I gave to Alice and Russell’s father. If I break my promise, for whatever reason, it will be because there is nothing left of me in this world.”
That statement held Gentia’s attention as she took Thantis’ hand in hers. “If that should happen I will be sure to find you all when I pass on. Go with Meylith’s blessing. all of you. Selah. I suppose while you are gone I can attempt to convince Ratha to see this healer of yours, Yvonne Dupuis. She’s made quite the impression on Asha.” Gentia held up the photograph of Asha’s child as proof before suddenly waving her feathers violently. “I’ve changed my mind.”
Natori sat straight in the simple wooden chair he’d been offered, still a great height above the assembled Cauthan as early morning light filtered into the temple and onto Thantis’ scrolls, ‘operating table’, and other tools of the trade. “Might I request an explanation, Gentia?”
“I have an additional condition, if you insist on borrowing my mate for this little voyage.”
Though it would have been easy enough for Natori to point out that he was hardly insisting on anything, and that if anyone was intent on the voyage it was Thantis himself, he allowed her to continue. “Please, I would hear it then.”
“There is an orphaned girl I care for at my temple every day, Ketra. Her parents did not survive the raid on our village.” Gentia fell silent for a moment, uttering a silent prayer to the Mother for guidance, to give her a sign if what she was about to propose was insanity. “I want her to grow up in a world of ample food, shelter, warmth, and healing. I want her to grow up in a world where you can look at a cub before she is born, a world where metal can fly, a world that produces people like Russell and Alice Winters… and Lachlan MacGregor for that matter.”
Natori blinked twice in rapid succession. He had seen the pacification of the Gorgons firsthand, pioneered the Juggernaut initiative, negotiated funding for the Event Horizon against Generals and Admirals from Delta, and stared down William Osmundson and Marshall Winters simultaneously, in person. In that moment however, he found himself more nervous than the day he’d gotten down on one knee and asked his wife to be his.
“I want two humans, a male and female, to adopt Ketra and care for her alongside me. I want them to educate her as she grows older and find her a profession or occupation like all of your crew seem to have,” Gentia finally laid out her plan, her feathers flared in warning.
“Gentia, can you do that?!” Xan demanded, utterly aghast. “Or… I mean… wouldn’t it make more sense for one parent to be Cauthan at least? I assume when she gets to my age she’d want to take a mate of her own kind and everything? Humans don’t know about that.”
“You are thinking of Russell and Veera?” Thantis presumed keenly. Xan looked at the floor and raised his small crest of feathers in assent. “My dear, did they not already speak with you about Ketra?”
“It has come up,” Gentia affirmed. “And while I think it would be a splendid idea under other circumstances, they are a very active couple. They are raising a hyrven, Xan. They leave the village for cycles and seasons at a time.”
“Oh, yeah that’s a pretty good point. I just can’t see Alice raising a cub, you know?” To Xan’s surprise, his comment had Natori almost doubled over in laughter.
“On that you and I are in agreement, my furred and feathered friend!” he boomed. “Just don’t tell her I said that. Gentia, this is not a request given lightly, and I will not take it lightly. Please allow me to ruminate on this over the course of our resupply voyage. I promise a reply upon our return. What you suggest could place an impossible burden on this young Cauthan’s shoulders.” Natori paused and brought his hands together between his knees, adopting a most serious posture. “And it could solidify a bond between our people that endures for generations.”
“Very well, that is a reasonable request,” Gentia assented, standing with the help of her cane. “Thantis, my dear, come find me and I will have some seeds ready for you. And Xan?”
“Y-yes?” the young Cauthan replied, surprised to be called upon at all at that juncture.
“I am pleased that your sword swinging days are behind you. It has allowed your wisdom and compassion to show through. Do look after the temple while my mate is gone?” she requested, though he knew well enough it was a demand, coming from Gentia.
“Of course, Gentia. Thanks,” Xan replied awkwardly, though it earned him a look of immense approval from Thantis. Natori stood as well.
“Might I ask one of you to direct me to the residence of Veera and Russell Winters?” the Admiral spoke.
“I can,” Xan volunteered.
“I appreciate that very much. Thantis, my shuttle is waiting at the western gate. The pilot is expecting you. I should not be long,” Natori explained.
“Thank you, Admiral. I will see you shortly then,” Thantis agreed. With negotiations concluded for the time being, the four individuals filed out of the temple and into the light of another warm but pleasant summer’s day. When Thantis and Gentia turned for the Temple of Meylith, Xan continued west and then north with Natori. After a leisurely stroll on account of Xan’s leg, during which the Admiral took the opportunity to acquaint himself with a new portion of the village and Cauthan life, they arrived at the unassuming blockhouse that was Veera’s residence. Fenrir’s low growl could be heard from inside.
“Oh stop it you, it’s just me,” Xan ordered, entering after a perfunctory knock to find the couple in the middle of breakfast along with Alice.
“No need to get up!” Natori added quickly as Russell made to stand. “Once again I apologize for intruding upon meal time but I found myself in the area and needed to make a request of you, Lieutenant.”
“What’s that, sir?” Russell wondered as Io joined the crowd, projecting herself from the B-MASS as Xan gave Fenrir some love and attention in the form of claw scratches under the chin and behind the ears.
“As you are likely aware we will be leaving orbit to resupply our stores of water, organic compounds, and various metals. During that time the Event Horizon will be out of real-time contact with the orbital communications network we established upon arrival here. While I am not worried in the slightest about the two of you,” Natori gestured to Russell and Alice. “It would allow me to rest easier if you would oversee operations at the Forge while I’m gone, Lieutenant.”
“Isn’t your Jumper team currently there, sir?” Russell asked as Veera’s expression turned slightly sour.
“They are,” Kaczynski confirmed. “However you and Io explored much farther into the facility than they did. I am not authorizing any expeditions while I am gone, but in the event the situation on the ground changes at an inopportune moment, I would feel much better knowing that there are five Jumpers and an AI protecting my science teams.”
“Fancy a trip back to the hot springs?” Russell asked his wife. Veera unsheathed her claws and looked pointedly at Natori.
“So long as those barbarous men know to stay away from me,” she declared without fear.
The Admiral tilted his head and nodded in acknowledgment. “I have made it abundantly clear what will happen to them in the event of another incident. I daresay they would prefer to be gutted by those talons of yours in that event. I would also like to reiterate that Lance Corporal Mendes is now in command of the Jumper team. I ask that you give him a chance to prove himself in this role.”
‘And me, Admiral?’ Io questioned. ‘Fret not, Veera. I am more than capable of locking their armor if those boneheads decide they fancy some revenge.’
“I have notified the crew of your existence, Io,” Natori explained as Veera offered him a bit of breakfast, dried chesko with vegetables. His expression brightened immediately upon tasting it. “Oh, thank you kindly Veera. Mmm, no wonder pilot Cromwell is feeling overworked of late! Cooking like this might put Gus out of a job. Yes, thank you indeed. Let’s hope Anita is able to replicate something similar. To the topic at hand, however. Io, you should feel free to introduce yourself to the crew as you see fit. There will not be any further surprises as there were with the Dupuis couple. That being said, it may be best if things remain on a ‘need to know’ basis, so to speak.”
‘I do not disagree,’ Io replied after some consideration. ‘You are aware that with our connection severed the various VI operations aboard the Event Horizon will revert to their previous levels of functionality, yes?’
“I presumed that would be the case. Though it has been a boon having you aboard, Io, we survived without you and we must retain our ability to do so,” Natori stated diplomatically. “Lieutenant, thank you in advance for your efforts. You should be able to get in touch with Private Orlova via the communications network. She has a shuttle on the ground and will be in charge of transportation while we’re gone. Do you have any questions?”
“None, sir. Seems simple enough,” Russell replied, turning to Veera. “You think we should bring Fenrir along?”
“So this is one of those human requests that isn’t a request at all?” the Cauthan deduced easily, waving her feathers in agitation. “Yes, I suppose we should then. And for the record, I’m firmly against anyone going inside Kel’s Forge!”
‘Veera, under other circumstances I would agree with you,’ Io offered compassionately. ‘However there’s a very good chance that the forge is what destroyed Russell’s ship. If that’s true, it’s also preventing the Event Horizon from returning home. This is a danger that must be faced.’
“I know that,” Veera grumbled, causing Natori to reflect upon Gentia’s request and just how challenging such a thing as raising a Cauthan in modernity might be, to say nothing of asking younger members of the crew to potentially volunteer as parents. He didn’t think any of his texts on ethics back in his cabin would be of much use. Reality tended to frustrate those sorts of lofty considerations.
“Hey, with any luck we’ll just hop over for a couple days, glare at those two idiots, and spend some time having sex in the hot springs, alright?” Russell assured her. Veera’s feathers exploded into motion as Alice choked on her breakfast and Natori’s brows ascended so quickly they threatened to leave his forehead altogether. Io was fanning herself delightedly.
“Well,” the Admiral cleared his throat. “I will just say that I’m all for making the most of any down time and that I trust your judgment, Lieutenant. Veera, I appreciate your concerns regarding the site, and I assure you we are doing everything we can to not disturb it as we learn more. Alice, will you be remaining here or coming along with us?”
“I think it’s best if I remain here, sir,” Alice replied. “Xan will be in charge of the temple all on his own, and it would be good if I’m around to answer any questions Zolta or Asha have since Yvonne will be aboard the ship.”
Natori tapped his chin and nodded in agreement. “Very well, then I believe we have nothing further to discuss! A good day to you all. We will be back in touch in a couple days.”
“Yes sir, Admiral,” Russell replied, standing and saluting quickly as Io waved a handkerchief at him.
‘Allzeit gute Fahrt, Natori.’
“Thank you, Io. Selah to you, Veera and Xan,” the Admiral offered before heading on his way, allowing them to finish their breakfast.
“I would have been fine at the temple if you wanted to go,” Xan muttered Alice’s way.
“I never said you wouldn’t, Xan,” she replied apologetically. “But I still think a human should be around for Asha and Zolta. Lachlan has his hands full with Sentaura and her son.”
“That one spiraled out of control rather quickly,” Veera added. “But I’ve seen them around the village often. I think he’s been a good influence on the little one. Wasn’t he originally supposed to be protecting you, Alice?”
The civilian shrugged her shoulders. “Of course, but things have been pretty peaceful so far. I don’t think anyone doubts he’d be on the walls with his rifle the moment trouble shows up.”
“Why didn’t you ever do that?” Veera asked her husband, struck by how sensible a defensive play that would be.
“Didn’t have a gigantic forge full of raw materials floating above my head to replenish my ammunition?” Russell offered matter of factly. “They were also inside the gates by the time we woke up.”
“You’re right, I shouldn’t be questioning the actions that delivered us this happiness,” Veera said with a sage, soft tone, standing and planting a light kiss on her husband’s cheek. She began clearing away plates and putting out the cooking fire. “I should speak with Staroth if we’re going to be galavanting around Mara again.”
“I’ll pack our things. Ready to check out the forge with full batteries, Io?” Russell asked as he joined in the morning work. He winked at his AI companion, who had summoned forth spelunking gear, completed with ropes, a helmet, and quite a few carabiner clips.
‘I certainly wouldn’t mind checking in on our robo-Cauthan companion. Unless you believe I should sneak aboard the Event Horizon to watch over Thantis?’ she suggested cautiously.
“Much as I worry about him sticking his cane into an electrical socket… intentionally,” Russell began, chuckling along with his sister. “I think we should trust Natori on this one. If something bad happens down here, they’ll need us. We can’t really shoot our way out of a mining accident,” he pointed out. Io conceded the argument.
‘Yes, I suppose you’re correct. Besides, it’s not like Thantis will actually be operating the…’ she trailed off with a look of worry. ‘You don’t think Natori would let him use a mining laser, do you?’
Ominously, neither Russell nor Alice could truly convince themselves that Admiral Kaczynski would not place a primitive being behind the trigger of an industrial mining laser. Veera’s tail swished pointedly as her curiosity demanded satisfaction.
“What’s a laser?”
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2020.08.10 18:31 throwawayaracehorse If You See Graffiti Reading "FOR A GOOD TIME CALL:", follow this "Rule of the Road"...

The following contains a transcript from a short radio broadcast that has been picked up by various listeners across the continental United States. Many have been perplexed by its sudden appearance and how it seems to preempt whatever song or radio program they are listening to at the time. It has even been known to appear on streaming programs such as podcasts or Spotify. Listeners have described hearing different episodes and there have been many situations and incidents.
A 23 year old college student named Yuvisela contacted me with her account of hearing the broadcast. She and her boyfriend had encountered the broadcast while driving one sultry summer afternoon from Austin, TX.
So I have this thing with waterfalls. I’m a little obsessed with them. In my free time and when I’m not paying attention in lecture, I like to look on the internet at pictures of them and daydream that I’m there: the roar of the splashing water, the white foamy spray, my bare toes dipped into the icy spring. I’ve got a Pinterest page with hundreds of falls that I would like to visit one day. Niagara, Havasu, Victoria Falls, Gullfoss, Iguazu; they’re all on there. I keep them all catalogued for my bucket list.
Yet, how many people go to the grave with their bucket list hardly finished? I bet a lot.
My boyfriend, Gabriel, likes to mess with me about my obsession. He’ll come up behind me while I’m on my computer or look over my shoulder at my phone and see that I’m looking at waterfalls.
“Don’t go chasing waterfalls, stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to,” he’ll sing when he catches me. It’s this old song he knows, TLC or something. He’s about six years older than me. I’ll joke with him to leave me alone and quit singing that old music, ask him if he used to listen to that on an 8-track or something.
“No, my older sister listened to it on CD. You know CD’s? Those little plastic things with the holes in them? That little slot in your car’s stereo, a CD goes in there. They don’t make ‘em in the new cars anymore.”
We’ve had a variation of this same conversation a bunch of times. It’s kind of a running joke between the two of us—him poking fun at my waterfall obsession and me making fun of how old he is—and while he thinks the waterfall thing is a cute little quirk of mine, he also has been supportive of my passion. That’s why he surprised me with the trip that summer. He knew that I was yearning to see some of these places. He knew that he wanted to make me happy. He knew that my resources were limited. He knew that we weren’t getting any younger; I was 23 and still had a semester to go.
But he also knew that we weren’t getting any richer, either. At least not anytime soon. I know I’m a little bit older for a college student, but it’s taken me a bit longer on account of having to work and stuff. I can’t take a full load every semester. Money’s always tight. I work full time and barely stay ahead, even sending some of my money to help my mom out. Gabriel offered to help me out some and we’d even talked about moving in together, but we had only been together a year at that point and I wasn’t quite ready.
Before my dad had passed, I’d promised him that I was going to get my college degree and I wanted to do it all on my own. While I loved Gabriel and could see myself marrying him, I didn’t want to deal with a transition like that so close to the finish line. Besides, we were getting along so well as it was. Why mess with a good thing?
And it was a good thing that kept better. Just when I thought that I couldn’t love Gabriel more, on my birthday he surprised me with the best present I’ve ever gotten. It was a little black notebook with this kind of leathery cover. While the notebook itself was nice, it was what was inside that was the true present. At some point, he had gone onto my Pinterest page and written down page after page of waterfalls, organizing them by country and state. He had put little squares beside them, boxes to check off. The last two pages were Texas and Oklahoma. He had written a note there. It read:
“Let’s start now...”
-Gabriel
* * *
So far, the trip had been a blast. We had started out in Abilene where we both lived and where I attended college. From there, we went to a place called Gorman Falls at this state park. It was one of the tallest waterfalls in the state and all of the foliage and moss around it was lush and green and for a while, if I crossed my eyes just right it was like I wasn’t even in Texas.
We couldn’t hit all the sites in a day. It was a road trip with multiple nights in hotels. After Gorman Falls and staying at a hotel, we headed towards Austin and stopped off at Hamilton Pool Preserve. The waterfall wasn’t as tall as Gorman, but I have to say I liked it better. The water formed a curtain as it poured off of a rocky shelf and into this sunken grotto of blue green water.
We stayed at this magical place for hours, swimming in the water and soaking up the sun. I could’ve stayed longer, but it was starting to get crowded, so we headed to Austin for a night on the town on 6th Street.
The next day we slept in and got a late start on the road. Lunch was at a Whataburger outside Waco. We sat and ate our food and looked at our phones. I browsed Instagram and my eyes skimmed over a gorgeous site. Yep, another waterfall. I slid my phone over to Gabriel.
“Look!” I said.
“Am I supposed to be looking at the butt or the waterfall?” he asked. An Instagram model was standing with her back to the camera, looking up at the water in awe.
“The waterfall, silly.”
“Seriously, that skinny white girl ain’t got nothing on you. Better let me take a look, just to be sure.”
I stood and twirled around quickly, teasing him. “Ok, so back to the waterfall. Did you look at it?”
“Yeah, it’s beautiful babe. Where was this one?”
“Iceland,” I sighed.
“Oh, right.”
“It’s not looking good for the time being. Maybe in a few years, yeah?”
“Just gotta see how the election goes. I ain’t holding my breath.”
See, neither of us were U.S. citizens. We were what you call DACA recipients. Both of us had wound up in America via illegal means on behalf of our parents, back when we were kids. This was when we were too young to have any say in the matter. I can hardly remember my life before, my life back in Mexico. I grew up here, went to school here. Texas and America is the only home I’ve ever known. Gabriel, he was originally from Guatemala. His situation is more or less the same.
If we were to leave the country, then we might risk not being able to get back in. You could apply for eligibility to travel if you had special circumstances, but they didn’t allow travel for leisure. We didn’t even have passports. Until then, our dreams of traveling—something we both wanted to do—were just that: dreams.
There was a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Obama and that DREAM act, I’m sure you’ve heard of it. You know, the dreamers or whatever? That’s what they call us. I guess they call it that because it’s just a freaking fantasy that disappears at the slightest thing—the sunrise, your phone alarm—out of your grasp as soon as you start your day.
Anyways, I applied for the DREAM act, but it hasn’t been a guarantee. We’re all stuck in a sort of limbo, waiting for the people in Washington to figure out what the hell to do with us, using us as a bargaining chip.
Not Gabriel though, he didn’t apply for the act. Part of it was that he was bad about procrastinating. The other part was that he was paranoid about signing up. I told him that he was an idiot and if he blew his chance to become a legal permanent resident, then I wouldn’t follow him to Guatemala if he got deported. He told me that he didn’t trust the program, that once they had you in the system they could track you easier, keep tabs on you. Said he knew a guy that got deported this way. I told him that the guy must’ve gotten into some legal trouble, a DUI or something, to have been deported.
“We’re all just one slip up from some legal trouble. Hell, some people consider us illegal right now,” he had said.
It was hard to argue against that, I guess. At least he knew where he stood, didn’t have that false hope. Sometimes I think it’s the hope that gets you, makes things worse.
Gabriel frowned and handed the phone back to me, looked out the window and took a sip of his Coke. I suddenly felt bad and ungrateful. Here was this amazing man that had planned out an awesome road trip just for me and I was busy looking at other far off adventures, not appreciating what I had right in front of me, the moment I was living in right now.
I leaned forward and kissed him. "I don't care where I'm at as long as you're with me," I said and he smiled.
What I told him just then, it was true. That didn’t mean I was going to grow complacent and quit dreaming.
They did call us dreamers after all.
It was one of those giant truck stops, the kind that was a little smaller than a Wal-Mart or Target, but just barely. We filled up and paced around inside and looked at the aisles and aisles of candy, the funny toys and souvenirs, and the tacky t-shirts.
“Hey Yuvi, whaddaya say? It’s your size.” Gabriel asked, holding up a black t-shirt with glittery letters. “PROUD TRUCKER WIFE” it read.
“Only if you get that one,” I said, pointing at a T-shirt with a semi-truck on it that read “I JUST DROPPED A LOAD”.
“Eww,” Gabriel said, laughing.
We both wandered around on our own. They had a huge candy section and I was looking to see if they had any vero elotes candy. I had just found a bag on a bottom shelf when Gabriel came skipping up.
“We are so getting this,” he said, holding up a plastic CD case.
“What is it?”
“Best of the ‘90s. It’s got your song on there, see? ‘Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls.’ Can we get it? It’s only 3.99.”
“Ha, ok. But only if you buy me this,” I said, handing him the candy.
There was traffic from hell just south of Denton on account of construction and a car wreck or two. We were stop-and-go for what seemed like an hour. I was passenger side and Gabriel idled along.
“Ok. I think now’s the time to break out this bad boy,” Gabriel said as he started tearing at the plastic wrap around the CD case.
“I think this is the first time I’ve even used the CD player in this car.”
“Aw hell yeah,” Gabriel said as the first song started playing. “Gettin’ Jiggy With It.”
“Getting what, now?”
“It’s your boy, Will Smith. Y’know the Fresh Prince? Betcha didn’t know he had a little music career.”
“That guy from I Am Legend and Aladdin?”
Gabriel rolled his eyes. “I guess. His older work is much better.”
“Well I don’t know. You act like you're this old and wise millennial. You’re not that much older than me, y’know.”
“I’m telling ya, my Gen-X sister raised me on all of this stuff. I think she was Gen-X. I don’t know the damn cutoffs. Anyways, she babysat me a lot growing up while Mama was working and stuff. She cultured my little ass. Ooh, here it is!”
A new song started playing. I couldn’t help but laugh at how it started. “It sounds like porn music!”
“Nah, shhhh. Shhh.” Gabriel bobbed his head along to the beat.
The chorus started to worm it’s way into my head. The song was ok, I guess. I still can’t really listen to it to this day.
“You gotta listen to this dope rap coming up,” Gabriel said.
There was the sound of hissing and popping, wet logs burning in a fire. Whispers intermingled with the sound effects. One of the voices rose above the others and said “Listen!” harshly in Spanish, you know, “Escuchen! Escuchen!”, several times.
We both looked at each other with wide eyes. The traffic crept forward slowly and Gabriel kept his hands on the wheel and I kept mine in my lap and that’s when he started to talk. It was this happy sounding older guy, talking right there on my car’s speakers.
Gooood afternoon folks, Buck Hensley here with a special rush hour edition of “The Rules of the Road”. Hope ya’ll are doing alright out there while you’re idling on the clogged arteries of America’s highways and byways, breathing in those delicious exhaust fumes. I know that good ol’ Mother Earth likes to take a big fat rip of that stuff from time to time, although as of late she seems to be getting quite a contact high from that delicious Co2 and starting to feel the effects just a little too much.
And yet you all keep puff-puffing and passing, never slowing down. What with your jet planes and your driving and your travel and your neverending consumption and your cow farts and whatnot. All I’m saying is that you folks might wanna slow down a bit on that stuff, because I’ve seen the end results and all I can say is that they are hilarious. But I understand if you wanna keep on keeping on and having a good time. All I can say is smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.
Speaking of good times, that reminds me of today’s special “Rule of the Road”. You’re gonna want to listen to this one as it’s all about good times. Why that was Carla’s favorite sitcom for a spell there, “Good Times”. She’d watch reruns on into the night, the TV casting a pale glow that was kinda comforting across the bed, and I’d wake up to live studio laughter and her snoring softly beside me, the serene look of slumber on her face and the years I’d wasted.
Gabriel and I both looked at eachother. He shrugged and reached for the stereo. I shooed his hand away. I wanted to listen to it. The voice continued.
But I digress...well now, on to today’s “Rule of the Road”. If at any point during your journey you stop off for a pitstop or a potty break and you enter a public restroom to do your business, take note of the writing on the stalls. You might notice some graffiti that reads, “For a Good Time, Call” and then a phone number listed after it. If you do notice this, then take the number down for later use. Whenever you are in dire need of a good time, then give that number a call.
Now before you go off with a bee in your bonnet and tell me how you ain’t gonna call no sketchy phone number taken off a lady’s or men’s room wall, let me just tell you that this will be worth it. You can trust me. When has old Bucky ever let ya down?
I know what you’re gonna say next though, you’re gonna say, “Buck, I don’t ever call no numbers on my phone. I’m deathly afraid of voices on the other line. If I can’t text and send little emojis and the like, then forget it. If I can’t use an app to order Thai food or a pizza, then I go hungry that night. I haven’t even made an appointment to a doctor since I’ve lived with my parents. What if since we can’t see each other’s faces we start talking at the same time and we talk over each other and then say, ‘oops sorry, no you go ahead’ and then we both say it again at the same time and then we both start trying to talk again and then get stuck in some sort of infinite loop?”
And to that I say, “fair enough.” Don’t use the phone. The consequences of not following this rule are a little less dire than previous rules you may have heard. If you don’t follow this rule then you will simply miss out on a good time. That’s it. But you wouldn’t want to miss out on anything, would ya?
Welp. That’s all I’ve got on this fine late afternoon. May the wind be always at your back, your picnic basket full of snacks, and your cheese ever be pepper jack. Ya’ll stay sane out there. Stay symbiotic. Stay lonely. I'm Buck Hensley and these are "The Rules of the Road".
The voice instantly stopped and the song returned playing. Gabriel had a dumbfounded look on his face.
"What the hell?" he said and tried to rewind the CD.
"Umm, was that part of the song? Maybe a different version?"
"No way," he said and kept rewinding and playing the song over. The little skit that we heard never returned.
“Weird,” I said.
“Beats the heck out of me.”
“Maybe the CD is haunted. That was pretty spooky, y’know? That voice telling us to listen.”
“Maybe it was like a hidden track or something. They used to put those on CD’s back in the day. And this CD was pretty cheap and has all these songs on it. Could’ve been like a pirated deal.”
We weren’t really scared by the broadcast or whatever it was, just more confused. It was only looking back that we saw the importance of what we had heard and how from there our path seemed to be led a certain way.. At the time it was just this weird little thing, a funny little mystery that was forgettable for the time being.
We crept along for a while without incident, the traffic slowly gaining momentum. The music on the CD played on as usual and we heard no extra voices. The songs played like they were supposed to. Everything was fine.
Of course, outside of Gainesville, it hit me. I had been trying to ignore it and power through until we stopped for the night, but I had the sudden urge to pee. All that slow traffic and iced tea and a bottle of water must’ve caught up with me. This was intense. Usually I could hold it pretty good, but I had to get Gabriel to stop at the first exit we saw.
It was this gas station kind of off by itself and it was all dingy and old and faded and didn’t look the cleanest. Gabriel parked and my lower stomach and bladder ached as soon as I stood up and got out of the car. I burst into the place and made a beeline towards the restroom, over in the corner past the ATM and the glass fridges down a hall with burnt out fluorescent lights.
They were singles that you could lock, one for men and one for women. The floor was sticky and paper towels piled out of a trash can and a strip of toilet paper floated in a pool of standing water. A condom dispensing machine was on the wall opposite the toilet.
It wasn’t the worst public restroom I’d ever used and I didn’t have many options; I was literally about to piss myself. I would have to do the hover move over the toilet seat. No seat covers in a joint like this and I didn’t have time to prep it with toilet paper anything.
So I was doing my business, my thighs burning from the squat, and kind of laughing to myself at the condom dispenser machine with its brands like the “FRENCH TICKLER” and that’s when I saw it, the graffiti written in Sharpie, right there on the vending machine. It said, “For A Good Time, Call 9xx-XXX-XXXX [Redacted]”.
After I finished and had washed my hands, I snapped a pic of the graffiti. I figured Gabriel would get a kick out of it.
“You’re supposed to call it. That’s the rule,” Gabriel said when I showed him.
“I’m too nervous. You call. You heard it, too.”
“Chicken.”
“Yep.”
“How many of those things do you even see? I’ve seen them all the time. I bet it’s just dudes pranking each other or fucking with their ex-girlfriends.”
“Well I found it in the ladies room, so hopefully it wasn’t dudes.”
“Okay, you enter it in your phone and I’ll dial. I’ll try to do a caller ID block or something. Let’s just see what happens.”
“Are you sure?”
“Eh come on. Maybe it’s fate.”
The Texas travel center appeared on the southbound side of the interstate and we were soon crossing the Red River on into Oklahoma as I transcribed the numbers from the picture to the keypad on my dialer.
A large casino came into view. It was ginormous with this sort of facade of all these famous buildings on its outside. I could see Big Ben and that Roman coliseum and all these other world architecture things. The casino just stretched on and on.
“Aw, not again,” Gabriel said.
I had just finished transposing the number into the phone. The crazy casino had distracted me. “What is it, babe?”
“Another jam.”
The traffic was veering into the right hand lane, but it was still moving at a decent clip, like 45 mph or something. After a mile of this, I could see a couple of highway patrol cars parked across the interstate, blocking both lanes of traffic. A state trooper stood out in the middle, waving a flashlight thing and directing traffic to take the exit. There was still about an hour of daylight left and you couldn’t even see the light. He was just using it as a baton. Somewhere off in the distance there was a thick wall of smoke filling the evening sky with this surreal haze.
“Wonder what’s going on?” I asked.
“Who knows? Grassfire, maybe.”
We followed the other cars and trucks down the exit ramp. Some turned right, some turned left.
“Right or left? Right or left?” Gabriel asked.
There seemed to be more cars turning left. Maybe they knew something we didn’t. But then, we would be stuck behind them and it was getting dark and we were already behind schedule. I wanted to get the hell out of the car.
“Um, right! Right,” I said, trying to pull up the GPS on my phone. It was lagging and my service had kicked over to 3G. “Freaking Verizon,” I muttered.
We drove down a highway past empty fields fenced off by barbed wire. There were houses and barns and oilfield pump jacks every so often, but not much else. No gas stations or a sign of a town or much else, really. After driving into all this nothingness for a while, my phone completely lost all signal. The cars around us thinned out and there was only a black SUV in front of us.
“Hey babe, I have no service and can’t pull up the GPS. Wanna turn back around?”
“Nah, let’s just keep going. We’ve come this far, yeah? We’ll hit a main road eventually, get some service.”
I sighed in response as he kept driving, let him know I didn’t approve.
“We’ll turn north soon, ok? All roads lead to Turner Falls.”
I checked my phone every fifteen seconds, looking for a signal.
“C’mon Gabe, we’re gonna get lost out here. Let’s just go back, follow the other cars or see if they’ve opened up the interstate again.”
“Look, this looks like a good road. We’ll cut north here and drive aways and then cut back west towards the interstate. It’s literally impossible to get lost out here. Just trying not to lose any more time.”
But it wasn’t so simple and the nervous feeling in my stomach was validated when the road we drove north on turned to gravel. The sun was long gone and our headlights cut a tunnel through the night as barbed wire whizzed by, separating us from pastures that were elevated above the road on grassy rises. I started to fear the worst, thinking of every horror movie I’d ever seen that had started out this way: the headstrong man refusing to admit that he was lost and didn’t know where he was going and the increasingly pissed off and worried girl that was with him.
Babe, please just turn around,” I pleaded.
“Ok, ok. Still no signal, eh?”
I looked down at my phone. Finally, there was one bar of service. “Yes! Hang on.”
“Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” Gabriel said, his voice growing louder.
My stomach dropped as what appeared in the rear view mirror was just as scary as any sort of Freddy or Jason or Leatherface from the big screen.
Part 2
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2020.08.05 23:24 6Auugbarium Epic Po-rn Mo-vies

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2020.08.05 23:12 6Auugslow Gold Po-rn Mo-vies

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2020.06.18 21:41 RebelTheAnomaly Something i've been working on. (Phobites)

The servants of Yvriolketl, entities based on the worst fears of mankind.... Cynoscote: A blood-soaked grinning hound that delights in causing indiscriminate carnage, often seen as the pet of Yvriolketl. Trypani: A nurse with an empty, bleeding gash instead of a face, covered by bandages. She has syringes for fingers, and likes injecting people with drugs and then harvesting their fluids.... Glossoryan: While not as visually horrific as alot of other phobites, his abilities are terrifying. He's a master debater, and often brings the person he's debating against endless grief by the end of it, usually posing as a lawyer and getting innocent people convicted... Socionib: Usually manifesting as a party invitation that is psychologically impossible to refuse. People there are forced to stay forever and interact with the most annoying people they can imagine. Thanatomar: A gaunt figure who's touch brings death, he can also change into an oily form or a purple cloud. Necromant: A tall, black cloaked, skull-faced figure with a vajra. Under his cloak are countless sewn together cadavers, writhing in pain... Coulrabi: A clown that stalks people, usually laughing creepily or asking "Aren't i funny?". He then uses his deadly gags to leave their corpses a gruesome joke... Pedialis: A creepy doll-esque construct with two weird blades instead of hands. She constantly giggles, her eyes are realistic and wide, and her jaw is completely disjointed from the rest of her body. Acronaut: A massive U.F.O.-like structure, it sucks people in, forever suspending them above a glass floor.... Pteromerhanic: A construct resembling a small plane, it latches people into it's underbelly crucifix style and skewers them with spears on chains protruding from it's wings.... Mysox: A bloated figure in a hazmat suit carrying a large gas tank on his back. He launches a gas that leaves the victim with a disease with countless symptoms, none of which are pleasant.... Agorastull: An unknown evil that traps people outside of their comfort zones... Claustromass: A mold-like ooze that infects places and people, making places narrower or people stuck in a room.... Arachnea: At first a beautiful woman, until you learn her insides are spiders intent on having you for dinner.... Ophidia: A woman with snakes for legs, arms, hair, and a tongue... Hemora: A Penanggalan that sucks blood in order to make a strong atronach of red hardened fluid to serve as a body.... Astrakrome: A being that rules over thunder and lightning, causing the most ludicrously violent and chaotic storms imaginable.... Musoil: A hive mind of skaven rats.... Emeter: An obese corpse with it's limbs replaced with tanks of disgusting fluids, which constantly leak from it's mouth. When it opens, the fluids come out in a vile stream.... Aquatua: A drowned girl dressed like a sea nymph who makes the water her weapon.... Nyctro: The darkbound, the shadows answer to him..... Carcinogyte: An old man in a wheel chair that breathes the most horrific and painful form of cancer imaginable.... Dentalair: A malfunctioning automaton that believes it's helping people through his "Dentistry"
Trypectioze: A disease that inhabits a body, filling them with disturbing holes of biological matter.... Aeroflight: A harpy-like orb that picks people up for an eternal flight of horrors.... Turokial: A cannibalistic gentleman whose body melts when he needs to feed. He kills by inserting his hand into people, turning them into a cheese-like substance inside-going-out.... Omphalume: A parasite that causes tentacles to grow out of the navel of it's host... Papaste: A murderous creep who dresses like the pope and has an obsession wit anti-catholicism... Nomotechedoor: A tube-shaped robot who steals cellphones for data. Ephebiyoung: A group of teens who embody youthly chaos. Phagomorphicus: An elongated vaguely-phallic looking serpent who swallows people into a pocket dimension where they are digested for eternity... Triskaid: An odd kid with an odd obsession with the number 13... Ablutia: A corpse-like woman who manifests in baths and showers... Dextra and Levoi: Creepy twins who stalk people from either the left or the right, only visible to them... Phoborous: An entity that manifests all fears in whoever sees it... Thallasoar: A kraken/megalodon/shapeshifting sea monster that rules a pocket dimension similar to the game Subnautica. Acousticet: A blind man with speakers for eyes and a mouth, and extremely good hearing. Ambularz: A mech that forces people into it and then never lets them stop wandering. Photoceptrex: A light-manipulating femalien without features. Somnion: An entity that preys on sleeping victims. Cibum: A man that owns an inescapable buffet. The more you eat, the less you have.... Chronoclock: A clock-headed man who drains time.... Panatalia: The nigh-omnipotent bride of Yvriolketl. Chirofell: A man with a million hands. Spheksio: A humanoid wasp with the general disposition of a Xenomorph. Rhytole: An old man who infects everyone around him with constantly growing wrinkly skin... Dr. Iatris: A doctor... of torment.... Aichmoa: A beast covered in sharp blades, spikes, and other such surfaces. It is relentlessly hostile. Catoptrein: A mirror-wielding jester that plays deadly tricks. Baron Apeiron: An eternal being with unknown powers... Logizomechanus: A hyper-intelligent computer with a hatred for humanity. Scoperat: A paparazzi who posts everything about who they stalk on the internet. Spectromire: A phantasm that takes the form of those who look in his mirror, but embodies the worst parts of them.... Koinonipru: A room that locks people inside it, making the most challenging escape room ever known. Automysormy: A chubby frog-like being who makes everything dirty, and follows whoever it's crushing on. Dromostega: Living streets that consume whoever crosses them. Vocale: A humanoid who projects voices in your head, driving you mad.... Ergomill: A CEO who forces his employees to work, even after death.... Decidorqua: A man on the crossroads, forces people to make the choice of which to cross. Genomia: A succubus who appears to virgins not allowed to be deflowered. Hypnow: A hypnotic entity who lures people into eternal slumber..... Megaliath: A large chrononaut that consumes things to increase it's size. Gyromeh: A spectral serial killer that manifests on streets. Mycothet: A mushroom that, upon being eaten, slowly regresses people into hallucinating, hostile zombies. It's also addictive so... Acribys: An odd little imp that lurks inside bookshelves, scrambling the text on reading material and making it unreadable. Hexakosioihexacontahexamazu: A ghost made up of 666 sinful spirits... Sesquipedaloi: A short lecturer who grows larger the more he lectures, growing hostile at a certain size. Gnosio: A purveyor of books who forces forbidden knowledge into people's heads. Hydrosopa: A creature constantly covered in sweat, who is a little too affectionate.... Dorosmas: An old witch who gives gifts... Rather dangerous gifts.... Koumpouneed: A patchwork doll who makes "Friends" by sewing cursed buttons into people. Lachanavlar: An odd giant radish-like root filled with caterpillars that can come out and infest other people's bodies, turning them into gourds.... Nephothium: A cloudlord that traps people in it's pocket dimension. Ombrolite: A rain woman with a freaky face and mysterious abilities... Pentheralir: World's most evil stepmother Pogonorris: Badass beard. Chairolian: A fiendish comedian with a sick sense of humor... Philorake: An angelic hunk with the abilities of cupid and twin derringers he calls his "Love Guns" Deipnofens: A dinner party host who reveals his party to be eternal at the last minute.... Punchumatthree: An assassin who always leaves a dot in the forehead of his victims.... Reterio: An annoying kid who makes you misspell everything. Emojizus: A weird figure that bombs people with emojis. Selfia: A chick that takes selfies of everything. Ignorizu: A possessor that afflicts it's host with the inability to be noticed by anyone... Somniun: Basically, a scarier version of Freddy Krueger. Countrolapse: A daredevil who befriends people and then convinces them to face their fears, which invariably kills them. Stasibasiu: A living pillar that manifests under people, ascending to the point where whoever is on it is forced to stand until exhaustion causes them to pass out.... Domatorik: A living house that keeps people inside it's extradimensional interiors. Anthroplauz: An endless group of people who attempt to assimilate others. Lalotily: A woman who's presence forces those around her to speak, even after death. Clinopkin: A bed mimic who forces all who lie upon it into a pocket dimension of evil plushies and mountainous pillows Anemoster: An air controlling pot-like figure. Peladorute: A balding brute who leaves his enemies and victims completely hairless. Simmetronian: A psychopath who carves himself and others to be perfectly symmetrical Nostoreign: An entity that dwells inside one's home while their away, waiting for them to get back so it can strike... Xanthocrep: A creepy yellow claymation esque alien with eye-stalks protruding from it's torso. Kathiselloma: A lazy kitsune with a seductive personality and various magical powers. Arachybutyrogah: A land whale with a sticky substance constantly dripping from it's mouth, which it force feeds others. Ideabulbor: A light bulb headed man with the ability to forcefully project thoughts into the minds of other's. Oikobodie: A living meteor that forces appliances against their human masters. Ecora: A witch that inhabits houses and seems hospitable, until it drains your life energy... Logoaster: A man with power in his words... Neotoymin: A cutting-edge toy and gift maker who offers his services to those who can't comprehend all of his incredibly advanced tech, usually scaring them to death. Gymnomeul: A naked, genderless gymnast who demanifests all clothing around them. Anabley: An odd, female entity that lurks above a certain human, threatening them that if they look up, they will be killed.... Chromotomie: A monopoly man pastiche with a half-gold, half-silver comedy mask, usually acting as a game show host. Zoonaren: A shapeshifting beast with the compulsion to seek out and kill humans. Cyclore: A bicyclist, if he rides near you, death will soon follow you... Alliumnew: A garlic-headed "Vampire" hunter, he hunts down anyone he sees eating plant matter. Acarowan: A mosquito-masked vampiric butler. Syngenextruom: A "Giving tree" who collects people and forces them to be part of their "Family", no matter what... Ranida: A "Princess Frog" amphibian humanoid who wants to find her "Prince" Meteora: A space wizard with an appetite for destruction and a nihilistic philosophy Uranachel: An angelic enchantress. Kleptryck: An impossible thief Teratomonger: A shapehifting monster who basically just wants to eat children. Ochoplang: An a.i. with a psychotic obsession with death who inhabits vehicles. Plutorius: Universe's wealthiest man.
Acerapatchley: A lemon-headed candy-maker and citrus farmer. Eat his citrus, you're head will pucker up, fall off, and become a lemon tree. Aeroacrack: A hoard of head-shaped balloons that seek out people to carry away to the land of nightmares.... Aeronausiying: An angel-esque green alien constantly projectile vomiting. Agatuject: An asylum inmate who constantly projects his insanity into the area around him. Agliothorpe: A sadistic entity made of torture devices who feeds off of pain.... Agraki: A mass of tentacles that violent copulates with anyone it sees... Agrizooma: A wild unidentifiable beast that actively hunts down any potential prey. Ailuria: A catgirl who traps people in a "Feline dimension". Albuminerak: A snake that crawls inside sleeping victims to take bites out of their kidneys... Alektorui: A giant killer chicken-like entity. Allodoxic: An androgynous humanoid who constantly argues with everyone else, forcing his opinion into everything. Amathilartha: A maid who controls dust. Amaxord: A car that absorbs people into it, giving them a ride that literally lasts forever. Amnezinu: A weird cthulhian alien that eats memories. Amychus: A gremlin-like creature that scratches people's organs out. Ancraoderlar: A wind-manipulating spirit resembling a kamaitachi. Androman: A masculine man who can adapt to any attack. Apisivy: A roughly bipedal hive with aggressive bees swarming him at all times Anemonu: A construct of old wood that breathes cold air at people. Angini: A woman with a fetish for choking people... to death. Anglosax: An English nationalist who turns everything around him, well, English. Angrosaur: A man with uncontrolled rage, basically Red Hulk. Anklyuine: A lizard that climbs inside people's bodies and eats their control nerves. Anthomuss: A realistic flowey with much more violent tendencies.... Anthroid: An android who studies human culture... A little too closely.... Antloros: A being whose mere presence causes floods. Anupturei: A ghost who haunts a host's romantic partners, keeping them single forever.... Aphenphosmoid: An orb of darkness that produces hands that continuously "Bad touch" the victim until death.... Apotemnuli: A human centipede of amputees. Arithmoss: A mass of numbers that gives people arithmomania. Arrhenthron: A man of manliness. Arachnoarch: The king/queen of spiders. Arsonuthrope: A pyrovorous entity that enjoys making living beings his next food source. Asthenruff: A living air that causes a slow-acting disease. Astromarus: An entity of starlight. Asymmetriun: An entity that creates asymmetry. Ataxion: A spark that causes Ataxia. Ataxozor: A husk doll that causes disorder and untidiness. Atelin: A mimic that haunts people with OCD. Aten: A millipede-like being that causes ruins. Athazagor: A casual 30-year-old with the abilities of goetic demons as well as the ability to make people forget who they are, turning them into sad, soulless, featureless wandering gaunt figures. Atomosaun: A soldier with a severely deformed head resembling a mushroom cloud. Atychi: A nixie that annoys people into failure, slowly driving them mad. Aulonote: The pied piper's much creepier cousin. Auronarch: A king of bling who can turn people into his servants made of gold. Auroranus: The mystical spirit of the northern lights. Autodysomue: A vile spreader of bad odor.. Automatonus: A creepy humanoid construct of mannequins, marionettes, and other such things that lives to drive people mad with paranoia. Automespair: An entity that whispers into people's ears when their alone....
Bacterion: A humanoid conglomerate of countless bacteria. Bacillonic: A massive "Microbe" Ballistor: An insanely hostile robot that relentlessly searches for victims to fill with bullets and missiles Bolshevikro: A bizarre russian amalgamation of clones of various bolshevik politicians. Barobaro: A metal and wire construct that controls gravity. Bathmoreist: A sandworm-like creature that manifests any place at the bottom of something, hoping to sate his hunger. Batolei: The living city. Batrachiu: An amphibious aberration. Belonu: Pinhead's more disturbing cousin. Blennos: An amorphous slime entity, much more intelligent than any of his ilk. Bogygumon: Father of all bogeyman. Botanolylei: Mother of plants. Bromidrosiru: A man with the stench of a thousand corpses.
Cacoca: The world's ugliest aberration Calygina: A clone of Tomie from Junji Ito's manga of the same name Cardiacaxe: A golem completely made of still-beating hearts of various species Carnoff: Mooshoo pork from Gex meets Hog the Ripper from Mutants Genetic Gladiators. Catagel: An extremely effective critic Catadepi: An entity that distorts height perception in order to induce suicides. Cenothu: A brain-like entity that forces close-minded people to accept their beliefs might be wrong via psychic torment. Chaeti: A mass of hair that infests people's bodies. Chaimatren: The eldritch bearer of endless winters Chemoclo: A hazmat entity leaking chemicals Cheroli: A ditsy girl who spreads gaiety Chioneue: The mistress of savage snowfall Chiraptor: A presence that haunts people, making them feel as though they are constantly being violated in every way possible. Chiroptos: Manbat on demonic steroids. Cholerianna: An undead diseased woman, killed during the oregon trail, now she takes vengeance on all those who refuse to help her. Choron: A gaunt entity who kidnaps people to dance with him, problem is, if they stop dancing with him before he's ready to stop, he kills them. He also never gets tired so.... Chromatyzxyl: The color out of space repurposed. Chronomentron: A massive clock automaton that encases a pocket dimension of collected history eternally locked in clockwork torment. Cleithrisio: A being that traps people in various items and keeps them trapped until they solve the puzzle, which could take forever. Cnidrio: The broodmother of an aberrant hoard of countless insects somewhere between parasitoid wasps, japanese giant hornets, and mosquitoes. Climacroat: The figure under the stairs that makes them last forever. Cometacean: A crab-like alien that uses a comet as a shell. Coimetroffer: An undead gravekeeper. Coitall: An aberration whose presence forces the nearest people to engage in intercourse, no matter what. Contreltio: A repulsive molester. Consecotale: Imagine if in IT Chapter 2 Pennywise did more than the fortune cookies.... Cremni: The girl inside the precipices.... Cryon: The embodiment of ice, frost, and other such wintery elements. Crystallicanth: A living giant diamond that floats and emit lasers that encase everything in a crystalline substance. Cybernite: A cyborg dominated by an A.I. that acts like the Warpers from Subnautica but with Batman's tactics. Cymokymo: A living wave of pure energy. Cypridianne: A prostitute that turns into a diseased monstrosity.
Dementrox: While some can drive other's insane, it drives the world itself insane.... Daemonos: The amalgamation of one piece from all demons. Demoras: The endless crowd that assimilates all who enter. Dendroid: An atronach of wood who fiercely guards the woodlands it inhabits. Dermatosion: A fiend endraped in skins, covered in everything from acne to leprosy Dormator: A figure with arms made of stinging whip-like tendrils Diabetro: A fat bastard who traps people in diabetic death mazes Didaskelein: A shapeshifting entity who usually takes forms like a tyrannical headmaster, a douchy jock, a micro-managing professor, and all other forms in order to make school a living hell. Dikuriel: An angel with a blindfold, but eyes cover the rest of her body. A flaming sword in one arm, an endless length of chain in the other, she relentlessly punishes all injustice. Dinu: A living vortex that causes all dizziness. Diploplone: An entity that goes into people's eyes and causes double, triple, and even beyond that vision. Dipsuil: A man in tubes parodying Bacchus and Dionysus. Dishabiliulsiv: A perverted freak who watches you undress yourself. Disposite: A being that steals everything you don't want to get rid of... Dorarori: A furry mass that turns people into his pets in a horrifically painful way. (Basically Furries) Doxiel: A therapist who controls her patients with subliminal messaging, forcing them to act inappropriately, and say all their thoughts aloud. Dutchley: A dutch nationalist kidnapper who forces people to live in his bunkesimulation of his beloved home country. Dysmorphine: A presence that makes itself known by causing horrific deformities. Dystych: A jynx that causes countless accidents.
Ecclesior: The ancient knight of the unknowable church. Eicie: A living house with an extradimensional interior. Eisoprau: The man on the other side of the mirror. Electrote: A being of electricity that can possess all that rely on his element. Eleutheruth: The being who frees all who don't want to be. Elueryo: The cat of the most ill of omens. Enetin: A drugged up fiend that attacks with a combination of heroin and agony. Enochu: A crowd of people that will randomly fly into an inhuman murderous frenzy. Enosio: A being that convinces church-goers that they have committed an unpardonable sin. Entomohive: An eldritch mass that produces lovecraftian insects. Eosounclair: The fiend that comes with the dawn. Epistaxioeleed: A weird creep that likes to drink nose blood. Equinos: A nightmarish horse that stalks the fields. Eremor: A specter or shadow that feeds on loneliness and depression.... Eruethri: A weird woman who blows gas into people's faces, causing them a disease that starts with blushing, and escalates to [DATA EXPUNGED] Ergasino: A hallucinatory entity that haunts surgeons. Erotach: A being that appears attractive to taunt hedonists, in order to feed on them when their alone together... Euno: A being that delivers good news to people, they only realize too late that that's the last good thing that will ever happen to them. Eurotina: A massive, all-consuming vagina. Erythro: A being known only as "RedLight"
Febrivasque: The red death with alot more emphasis on fever. Felinus: Bast was kidnapped and brainwashed.... Francoux: The worst of the french all compiled into one being. Frigoimit: The winter hermit, father frost's secluded brother who is a grim reflection, yet much more unassuming than your ordinary Krampus....
Gateru: A massive cat who toys with humans Gamoril: The ideal bride and/or groom... Until the wedding night, when all hell breaks loose. Gelion: A jester that makes his victims the laughingstock of all who know them before taking their lives.... Genium: Inter-dimensional chin. Genuruuki: A spider-like humanoid abomination of countless knees. Gephyre: The thing under all bridges.... Germanus: A nazi-esque character of an alternate history where Germany won WWII, he spreads his ideologies no matter the cost.... Gerascu: The thiever of youth Gerontos: World's oldest human.... Geumi: A being that crawls into people's mouths and controls tastebuds.... Gnosion: An eldritch collector of knowledge. Graphornix: A being who writes fate... Gynoir: A misogynist's worst nightmare....
Hadesemoah: Hell is alive.... St. Hagius: A tyrant who uses holy imagery and poses as a saint. Hamart: The prince of sinners. Harpax: World's most effective robber. Hedonestra: Mistress of pleasures. Heliun: The sun's apostle. Hellegenologet: A being who only speaks in Greek terms who is vaguely associated with complex science. Helminth: A humanoid infested with a hive-mind of worms. Hereseio: A challenger of the doctrine. Herpetill: An insectoid reptile. Heteron: A humanoid literally split down the middle, both genders hate each other... Hierophantes: The priest of Yvriolketl Hipporse: The steed of Yvriolketl Hobomo: A creepy beggar that turns cities to slums Hodoragg: A tourist who attracts followers through charm and takes them on a never-ending road trip..... Horman: A masculine humanoid robot with shock fists. Homilareth: A sectarian reveren in red Hominid 0: A man who seeks the endless experience, he who wants to do it all. Homoro: The spirit of monotony Hoplic: A heavily armed man who shoots anything he sees. Hydrargyol: A human melted into a poisonous mercurial woman, not the sexy slime girl you might be imagining... Hydrozom: A former swimming champion, now he is the drowned fiend. Hydripholc: A massive hell hog that was the first thing to have rabies. Hyelic: A glass figure that shatters itself into others before reforming inside their bodies. Hygrox: A living mist that brings moisture, dampening everything around it until it's essentially a swampy mess. Hylen: The materialistic embodiment. Hylogger: A territorial treaunt who fiercely guards his home with creative yet thematically appropriate curses. Hypegion: A catastrophic force that causes disasters in order to test humanity, but also causes the least prepared to be the leaders. Hypnoid: A weird creature that keeps people asleep in order to enter their dreams. Hypsidooni: Regardless of the funny name, this being is a force that pulls people over the edge.
Ichthyon: The fiercest of fishkind Illyngios: A ruglike entity that waits for people to walk onto it, and causes disorienting illusions. Iophio: A master of poisons. Insectorus: A tiny bug that controls all arthropods in a 50 mile radius. Isolotu: A living dimension that absorbs people into it, feeding on loneliness and isolation. Isopterr: A massive termite queen. Ithyphallon: A being who's favorite food is erect penises.
Japani: A being that is all of Japan rolled up into one weird anime creation. Judeus: A golem who protects the sacred land of a forgotten sect of Jews.
Kainoloth: A masked mage who sends people to unknown dimensions. Kakorrhaphi: A being who knows all your mistakes and failures, and never lets you forget... Katagel: A subconscious harlequin that knows how to trigger your anxiety Katsaridan: A hoard of roachfolk who spread their "gifts" Kenos: A living void that consumes all Kinetis: A being of movement. Kolpoi: A woman with mutated genitals. Kopor: A brown smoky substance that zaps people's energies. Konio: A certain species of living Dust. Kosmicut: A space lord of cosmic phenomena. Kymoci: A living tsunami. Kynole: A foamy substance that attracts animals, and makes them serve it's twisted whims. Kyphek: A lord who overworks his subjects, his demands usually lead them to become hunchbacked slave creatures.
Leproser: The marquise of lepers Leukem: An albino herald of the white calamity. Ligyron: A floating machine that constantly generates eardrum shattering noises. Lilapsid: The living hurricane, it inhabits an old native american shaman. Limnius: Lady of the ancient lake. Linoni: An entity that uses lines to cut people to bits. Litifica: A prosecutor who gets all her opponents sued. Lockitrude: A malformed brood mother of mutated fetus creatures. Lui: An attractive man with highly contagious syphilis, once you're infected, everyone around is too... Lutrane: An otter of unusual size... and hunger.... Lygomorr: A skeletal spirit similar to Dusknoir who brings people into the dark void for eternity.... Lyssoam: An addictive white cream that causes instant madness.
Macrone: A being that turns waiting into an eternal limbo (The state of existence, not the game) Mageir: A sinister cook that causes various horrific events. Maeius: A baby that crawls into pregnant woman to devour the fetus and pretend to be their horrifically deformed child until it kills them. Malaxuzz: An insectoid that keeps a "Lover" hostage and keeps them alive but also force feeds them, rapes them, and other such detestable acts... Maniax: A mad caricature of humanity, similar to The Mask or Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Mastigot: The grey punisher, he disciplines all misdeeds of one specific person until they die. Medomalan: A being that takes away all sexual desire. Medorth: A lizard that bites, giving an endless, ludicrously painful erection. Melist: A walking corpse that is also a hive of mutant bees. Melani: A black portal that sucks people into the Omega Reality. Melov: A living melody that brings obsession to all who hear it. Meningitane: A brain inside a cloud that causes brain disease. Meniuc: Living menstruation Merinth: A dominatrix goddess Metallance: A steel inquisitor. Methasriol: The entity of change Methysto: The alcohol demon Metroich: A mad poet Micronome: A pixie that torments people with tiny items Molysomoir: A being that tricks people into following it into the world of filth Monopand: A void that isolates people for eternity.... Monopathos: A being that uses humans to culture countless microbes... Motoret: A living mass of various motorized vehicles. Mottenus: A moth man that causes various disasters over a prolonged period of time. Murina: A mouse woman with a tail that acts as her evil side. Myrmecuni: A queen of an ant dimension Myhtroel: A gatherer of countless stories. Myx: An odd material that can take on any property, also happens to be alive.
Nelon: The queen of glass Neopharelm: A miracle doctor Noctilyx: The maiden of night Nomator: An odd inspector, if he learns your name, he can control you. Nosocomedo: A being the inhabits hospitals, making environmentally appropriate deaths happen. Nosoma: A beautiful woman that is secretly the bearer of all illness. Nucleomit: An A.I. that causes nuclear war through furtive sabotage. Nyctohyle: An entity that embodies the horror of dark forests.
Obeshon: An entity that kidnaps and fattens people. Ochlorr: A crowd of madmen Octon: The eighth freak. Odontron: A creepy dentist Odynet: A black mist of pain. Oen: A wine ooze. Olfactr: An addictive scent. Ommetra: A mass of eyeballs, always adding to it's mass. Oneirogmi: A dream succubus. Onomatta: A weird man who makes people fear certain words. Opthalma: A presence that causes people to stare at it's target. Opio: An odd pharmacist Optraq: An entity that once looked at, will tear out the eyes of the viewer Ornith: An eldritch bird Orthoker: An odd "merchant" that gives people too much, often without being interacted with, overwhelming amounts of items appear in his target's house. Osmon: An entity that can only be identified by it's unsettling scent Ostracin: A lovecraftian shellfish. Oura: Eden's Guardian
Pagos: The Frost Hermit Panthus: A disease that causes endless misery. Papyr: The papery god Paralippe: A slacker that convinces workaholics into deadbeats Parapat: The mistress of perversion. Parasitron: A parasite that drains life from planets. Paraskavedekatri: The spirit of Friday The Thirteenth Partheena: A young virgin girl with an odd aura... Patroi: A horrific entity that one "inherits" through heredity. Parturrin: An entity that impregnates everything it touches. Madame Peccat: A sinful cult priestess. Pedicul: A composition of lice Pedoji: A world of creepy children. Pellagru: A mad, ill, starving tribe. Penium: The bearer of poverty Phallome: A bizarre thing that causes spontaneous painful erections. Pharmac: An odd alchemist that makes people take his medicine. Phasm: A ghostly amalgamation of countless different ghosts Pheng: The dragon of daylight. Philembra: A weird woman with massive lips that forcefully kisses people and kicks off a series of odd and horrific events. Philos: A mad philosopher with minor reality bending abilities. Photaugliac: A mass of glaring lights that seem to appear and disappear at random intervals. Phronome: A weird figure who's head glows, he collects living brains to make a wetware network.. Phthisian: Living Tuberculosis Placat: A golem made of tombstones Pluvian: The raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain............................................................................................ Pneumastra: An ambiguous yet dreaded spirit. Pnigrom: An odd greasy substance that smothers people to death. Porcrease: A massive figure that captures people to use as cattle. Poliopon: An odd teddy bear that gives children a modified version of Polio. Politicre: World's scariest politician Polyne: An odd spark that multiplies things. Poinai: The patron of punishment Ponum: A cruel boss who forces people to work painful jobs Porphyre: The sultan in purple.... Potamos: A river spirit that curses whatever running water it finds. Potor: A living moonshine still... That is cursed.... Pharmaquan: A charismatic snake oil salesman. Proct: A weird being that eats people *Ahem* "In reverse" Prosuni: A "benevolent" presence that brings progress to places that have atleast one person who fears it. Psellism: A freaky abomination that turns it's victims into stuttering madmen. Psychon: A psychic mastermind Pupanochi: A marionette who also happens to be a very literal control freak Pyroblaz: The living flames.
Quadralatus: A four-legged horror who's body reaches the clouds
Quadrapelagite: A former human who lost his limbs, now lives like a snake and wants to eat yours....
Quintallos: A 5-pointed lovecraftian starfish
Radioul: A radioactive man who's skeleton is visible through his skin.
Rhabdor: A man with a metal stick who beats people.
Rhytim: A man who hides their wrinkles under skin taken from children
Russoin: A russian horror
Lord Samhain: The duke of all hallow's eve
Satanus: A hybrid of the 7 princes of hell.
Granny Scabium: An old woman with the ability to manipulate the countless mites infesting her body.
Sceleron: An immortal man with no morals and a vicious, evil nature.
Sciosia: A living shadow
Scolecium: A lovecraftian worm
Scolioko: A japanese school girl ghost, or an entity that appears to be like that...
Scoptrei: A floating orb of eyes that stalks and watches people relentlessly
Scotomar: A hunched figure that comes to drink your sight.
Scriptiblar: The scribe of Yvriolketl
Selach: The eldritch king of sharks
Selan: A firefly-like creature that will blind people with it's flashes
Selenus: An eldritch moon.
Seplum: A massive mass of rotting matter
Siderodrome: A colony of train-like organisms
Sideron: The Evil Star
Sin Cheng: An evil chinese emperor with magical powers
Socer: A mimic of anyone's parents in law
Robonium: An eldritch roboticist
Mazelore: A living maze that feeds off those lost inside it
Puppetri: A marionette that controls mortals
Socium: A manipulative man who traps people in an society made specifically to torture them.
Sophum: An educative force that targets close-minded people
Spacuis: A malfunctioning teleporter that traps people's souls in outer space.
Soteri: A being that makes others depend on it
submitted by RebelTheAnomaly to horrorwriters [link] [comments]


2020.06.13 07:16 Dream-of-Roses I [26F] don't know what kind of relationship this French man [31M] wants with me; help?

Hello all,
I am looking for some advice about me (f26) and someone I will call French Fellow (m31). What I would like to do is manage my expectations of him and this relationship ahead of meeting him in person, so I'm not blindsided because of cultural differences. If anyone has experience with romantic relationships in France or with French men, I would appreciate some insight.
Note: Je peux parfaitment bien parler français, mais je croyais qu'il serait trop de tout réécrire en français et c'est plus facile pour moi d'écrire en anglais.
I currently live in the USA, but a year ago I lived in South Korea. As my contract was ending, I decided to move to France. I gave myself an extra year to get everything in order, putting my arrival date in France in September 2020 (which has now been extended to 2021 due to COVID-19). I downloaded a dating app that let me look at people from all around the world so that I could chat with French guys: practice my French, have fun flirting, and maybe make some friends in the country where I wanted to live. Win-win-win.
That is where I met French Fellow. He doesn't speak English enough to hold a conversation, but I'm proficient enough in French that it doesn't affect our ability to communicate. French Fellow has never traveled outside of Europe. I studied abroad for one semester in France and one in Germany. I doubt that French Fellow ever anticipated meeting an American girl on that dating app.
Anyway, when French Fellow asked me what I was looking for on the app, I said friendship, but that I was open to finding something more. He said that he was looking for a serious relationship. We kept chatting after that, in fact, we have talked almost every day since then (with some exceptions).
I get the impression that he is shy and has interests that would traditionally be considered nerdy or geeky. He seemed delighted that I like to play video games and he sometimes calls me his "little geek". Our conversations can be a little shallow and he doesn't talk much about his friends or family. He sends me a lot of kiss emojis, but he doesn't talk about sex at all. He occasionally talks about wanting to meet me and show me around his city (always followed by a concern that I might not want to meet him) or sends me photos of places he visits and says that he wishes I were there.
When I told him that my relocation to France would have to be delayed because of COVID-19, he was concerned that it was a long time to wait. I told him that I didn't have the funds anymore to make the move because I had lost my job and, at that point, was not able to collect unemployment. He offered me a room in his apartment if I needed it to make the move possible. I thanked him but turned him down because I'm too cautious to move in with a man I've never met in person without the funds to move out if it doesn't work. I told him that I could possibly afford to visit France for a short time once the pandemic is over to meet him and see the university I am hoping to attend.
I'm not sure what to make of whatever this is. Is this reasonable for friendly flirting? Is he expecting a relationship? I don't want to disrupt whatever is going on by asking, but I also don't want things to be weird if I show up in France in a couple of months with wildly different expectations for what this is than what he has.
Thanks in advance for any help. :)
submitted by Dream-of-Roses to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.05.24 18:36 Grand_Theft_Motto Room 1911: An Exorcist Walks Into a Bar

I had to admit, for the alleged location of a sinister cult gathering, the hotel was rather lush. The place was all lacquered wood and vault ceilings, soft red carpet over marble floors and polished bronze everywhere you looked. Massive French windows flooded the lobby in cool winter sunshine. Tall plants stood potted like green sentinels as you walked through the rotating glass doors. I took a deep breath and caught the smell of fresh lemon and ageless wood.
A posh experience, for sure. Even the walls seemed to bleed classical music.
The lobby was lively but not too crowded and I was able to walk right to the front desk without waiting in line. Unfortunately, reception was an empty chair with an old speaker box. A little sign rested against the speaker: “Back in eight minutes. Press the red button for service.” Before I could tap the speaker, a soft voice chimed in from over my shoulder.
“Checking in?” the voice asked.
I turned to see a well-dressed young man standing behind me. He wore a navy blazer with red piping, a red tie and rimless spectacles in front of accommodating eyes. There was a shiny golden nametag pinned to his label: Concierge.
“Yep,” I said, “Reservation for Eric [redacted].”
The Concierge walked around behind reception and glanced down at something I couldn’t see.
“Of course,” he said, looking up. “Room 1911. One night, already paid. Excellent. Please sign the registry.”
He smiled as I jotted down my name and room number. Then he handed me a large brass key.
“We hope you enjoy your stay,” he purred.
“You, too,” I replied, immediately wincing at how stupid that sounded since he was on the clock. I briefly flirted with the idea of returning the key, leaving the hotel and stepping into traffic. I decided to live with my embarrassment and slinked off towards the elevators.
It was the nicest hotel room I’d ever stayed in. The bed was soft and clean, the bathroom spacious, and the curtains looked like they cost more than my first car. Sunlight poured in through the wide, clear windows. Windows, plural. My room had two of the suckers. I was feeling about one small crown shy of a kingdom.
I didn’t actually know how much the room cost but I was pretty certain it was out of my price range. The reservation was pre-paid by the same mysterious benefactor who emailed me the tip about the hotel hosting a convention for the Redburn Cult, also known as the Holy Order of the Royal Acre of the Great Eight. The Red 8s for short. I’d been tracking the cult online for the better part of a year. For a secret society, they were awfully open about their plans for summoning dead gods, sleeping devils, and other forgotten things. All of their schemes and machinations were available as a handy, well-illustrated pdf that you could download directly from their website. They even had a Discord and a newsletter.
I knew the Reds were planning something big for a few months now but I didn’t know where until the anonymous email I’d received earlier in the week. The email contained no text beyond a reservation number for the Hotel Non Dormiunt. Attached was a flyer inviting the recipient to the first annual Holy Order of the Royal Acre of the Great Eight Summoning Ceremony and Mixer. It sounded like Comic-Con for doomsday sociopaths.
The timing of the email and the free room was convenient well past the point of suspicion and I knew going in it might be a trap. But the Red 8s seemed pretty harmless beyond wanting to unleash a Hell King, Queen, or at least some kind of minor demonic Duke or Viscount or something. Or...does Hell have a mayor?
I went back and forth on taking the free room but curiosity eventually sunk in some hooks. So far, the Hotel Non Dormiunt was shaping up to be a good time. I showered and shaved and even ironed the one fancy flannel shirt I brought with me. My face looked halfway human without its usual salt and pepper stubble. The drive had taken the better part of two days, which I’d spent sober, so my eyes were now more green than bloodshot. All-in-all, I was feeling pretty as a picture as I headed down to the bar. Had to nip that sobriety in the bud before it blossomed into a lifestyle.
The hotel lounge had the same retro charm as the rest of the building. I saddled up to the bar, a single, dark slice of polished oak with brass accents. There were cozy booths around me trimmed in red leather and high top tables paired with tall chairs. A long mirror, sleek as a straight razor, ran behind the bar and reflected the lounge back on itself. I found an unoccupied seat and settled in for a long night of stress-testing the human liver.
The bartender was at the corner of the bar serving an elderly couple wearing matching red windbreakers. He was wearing a black vest that swallowed a blue tie, and a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow. Pinned to his lapel was a golden name tag, this one reading: Bartender. When he turned to face me, I noticed the bartender had a pale blue medical mask covering his mouth.
“Worried you might catch something?” I asked.
The bartender had blue eyes even paler than his mask. “You can’t be too careful these days.”
“Lots of stuff going around,” I agreed. “I’ll have-”
“Old Fashioned?” he guessed.
“Yeah. And, uh-”
“And you don’t care what kind of bourbon as long as it’s cheap, right?” The bartender was smiling, I was sure of it, even if I couldn’t see anything behind the mask.
“That’s a neat trick,” I told him.
He reached back to the bottles on the wall under the mirror. His hands danced across the shelf until he found the right drink. The bartender caught the bourbon like a trap snapping shut, flipping the bottle up and catching it in his other hand. Without a wasted motion, he placed the bottle down and drew a lowball glass from under the bar. Other ingredients were pulled and added, muddled and mixed, bitters and orange rind and ice. It was like watching a gunslinger in motion; the bartender’s hands were too quick to follow, too steady to doubt. He lit a match with a snap of his fingers, kissing the inside of the lowball glass with the flame before assembling the drink.
“For a little smoke,” the bartender told me, winking one clever hazel eye.
I felt like a child watching their first magic show, stunned into silence, barely resisting the urge to clap when the bartender slid the finished drink in front of me. But even in my awe, a suspicious corner of my brain noted that his hazel eyes were blue only a few moments ago.
“Cheers,” I said, raising the glass.
“Cheers,” the bartender replied. “And just so you know, that’s the best bourbon in the house.”
I almost choked on my first sip. “I, ah, thought ‘cheap’ was our main objective here.”
“They’re all cheap for you,” he said, that hidden smile again. “Someone has comped all of your drinks for the night.”
I took a long drink. “In that case, it would be rude of me not to order another...like, six of these. No rush.”
The bartender laughed. “I’ll leave you and the bourbon alone for a minute. I’ll be back.”
For a few minutes, I drank quietly and listened to the hotel. The sound of soft violins and small talk drifted up from the lobby. There were other guests at the bar and the lounge tables. Everyone seemed happy, everyone seemed whole. It felt like I was on the surface of a bubble and on the other side was a normal life. How far could I push in before it popped?
“Nice night for the end of the world, right?”
I glanced to my right. A beautiful girl in a white sundress had, very quietly, taken a seat next to me.
“What’s ending in the when, now?” I asked.
“Tonight. The world. All kaput,” the girl said. “I’m Grace.”
I finished my drink. “Eric. Can you walk me through the whole world ending thing, again?”
Grace puffed out her cheeks and exhaled. “Where to begin...I’m going to order a drink first.”
“Put it on my tab,” I offered. “I could use another myself.”
Without needing a signal, the bartender was there. Without a word, he started his magic trick. Another Old Fashioned appeared in front of me after a few quick movements. Something clear and on the rocks was put together in front of Grace.
“My-,” I said.
“-tab,” the bartender finished. “We know.”
Grace raised one thin, blond eyebrow at me when he was gone.
“Kinda spooky, isn’t he?” she asked, offering a toast.
“Pretty damn odd,” I agreed, clinking her glass. “But I’m not sure I trust you, either, I’m sorry to say.”
Grace smiled and my pulse began to move a little quicker. I glanced down and noticed that she wasn’t wearing shoes, sundress stopping mid-calf.
“So what do you do?” she asked.
“I’m an exorcist.”
Grace raised her eyebrow again. “I’ve never met a professional exorcist before.”
“You still haven’t,” I said, shifting the ice around my drink. “I’m not really a professional. Maybe a...passionate hobbyist, at best.
“Well, you might not be a professional and you might not trust me,” she said, finishing her drink in one pull. “But I’m afraid I need your help. And more alcohol. Can I try that?” Grace pointed at my glass.
I slid it over. She took a sip and slid it back.
“So,” I said, lifting the drink. “Why do you need my-”
I froze, glass at my lips. There was a new pressure in the air, a constriction. Suddenly, I felt anxious. I felt studied. The bartender cleared his throat.
“What happens in most of this hotel isn’t my business,” he said, leaning in close. “But this bar, we have rules. We have expectations. We mind our manners.”
The bartender’s eyes were shining green above his mask. His stare was like a noose around my neck; but he only glanced at me before catching Grace’s eye.
“What you just did,” he told her, “you don’t get to do that here. Not in my bar. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”
Grace was shaking, all of the easy confidence torn away. She looked at the bartender like a mouse regarding an owl dropping from the sky. Her lips moved but no words came out.
I slowly pushed the rest of my drink forward. “We’re going to leave. Whatever we, whatever she did...sorry.”
The bartender’s eyes snapped back to me and they were blue again, calm as setting suns above his medical mask. I couldn’t look away but tapped Grace’s shoulder until I heard the scrape of her stool pulling away from the bar. I forced my eyes closed and stood up. Then I was moving, Grace’s hand catching my own.
“Watch your drink,” the bartender called after us cheerfully. “Come back any time.”
We stopped to catch our breath in the hallway that led to the elevators.
“Holy shit,” Grace said, breathing heavy, standing very close to me. She smelled like lemon and summer rain. “What was that guy?”
“He seems very serious about his job,” I said, leaning against one immaculate wall, my hand inches away from an expensive looking portrait of an angry old dude. “What did you do to tick him off?”
Grace shook her head and laughed. “No idea. But I really want a drink and I’m too afraid to go back to the bar.” She turned to me. “Room service, my room?”
Four years. Jen was gone for four years already. That was a lonely stretch and it wasn’t like one night in a creepy hotel would mean anything at all. Just one night. It would be awfully easy to say yes.
“No thanks,” I told Grace. “I’ve got a big day tomorrow. I’m going to head to sleep.”
Something flashed across her face. Disappointment? Anger? Sadness? I couldn’t read it. The elevator dinged and I got ready to step in. I hated to let her down but this also kinda felt like a trap.
“Okay, hold on,” Grace said, catching my arm. “That’s fine. We’re fine. But can you stay here a moment and just...can you just wait here with me for a minute?”
“Sure,” I said, the elevator closing. “Take as long as you need.”
We sat together on the thick hotel carpet, shoulders almost touching, facing the wall. After a few minutes, the elderly couple in the red windbreakers from the bar stumbled into the hallway. They seemed drunk and happy and in love. Grace and I scooted a little closer to make room for them as they stopped in front of the elevator.
“I’m ready to go,” she told me. “Thanks for sitting for awhile.”
I nodded, stood, helped her up. We followed the elderly couple into the elevator. The mirrored doors slid shut.
I turned to Grace. “Do you think-”
Pain flared in my neck, an electric scratch. I smacked at the source of the pain, expecting a wasp. When my fingers closed on nothing, I turned around. The elderly couple watched me, both of them grinning, the old man holding a tiny syringe.
“You fucks,” I said as the tiny room began to spin.
“I don’t think you got him square, Herbie,” the old woman chided.
The man smiled sheepishly at me then turned to her. “Dorothy, come on now, we talked about this. You know my vision has been giving me trouble lately. And the veins in the neck are tricky.” He turned back to me and grinned even wider.
His smile exploded into a squawk as I punched him squarely in the jaw.
“Asshole,” I muttered, trying to fight down the rising sense of vertigo.
I barely had a moment to gloat over the downed Herbie before I felt small, warm hands touch my face. It was Grace and she looked even prettier in my drugged haze. She had a classic style, like a little slice of Old Hollywood freshly from the-
“Ouch,” I yelped, a fresh sting against my neck. I turned towards the source of the pain.
“You shouldn’a hit Herbie,” the old woman said, holding a new syringe.
“Dorothy...you...jerk,” I mumbled. Light and sound were fading, my reality wobbling. The last thing I saw before the elevator went dark was Grace, leaning over me, smiling.
I woke up to the sound of soft jazz and conversation. A small crowd circulated around me, breaking off in pairs and groups to chat. There was a lovely charcuterie spread laid out on a conference table that the people picked at occasionally like vultures sampling roadkill. Everyone in the room was wearing red. And I was duct taped to a chair on a stage.
“Hey, not sure if anyone has noticed but, uh, fucking help?” I called out, struggling against my bonds.
A young guy and girl close to the stage, both in red hoodies, turned to watch me.
“The Witness has awoken,” shouted the girl. The conversation began to wind down and the music died.
“The who did what?” I asked, still aggressively groggy from my forced nap. We were all packed into a modestly sized conference room, the kind of place hotels rented out for speaking engagements or events. Everything was overly plush and polished. I had to fight off a fresh wave of vertigo as I looked around.
“The Witness,” a soft voice purred in my ear.
Grace walked out from behind me to stand at the edge of the stage, still wearing the white sun dress. She patted my jacket’s lapel as she passed. I glanced down to see an oversized white name tag pinned to the denim.
Hello! My Name is: THE WITNESS
The last word was punctuated by a giant emoji wearing coke bottle glasses. Since emojis are arguably my least favorite form of punctuation this, understandably, infuriated me.
“Let me out of this chair,” I yelled, rocking back and forth.
“Calm down,” Grace said. “You’re being dramatic.”
I stopped struggling but not because she told me to. It was entirely my decision.
A heavy set man in red flannel climbed up onto the stage to stand next to Grace. The rest of the Redburn cult began to congregate around us.
“Good morning!” the man boomed. “And welcome to the 182nd semi-annual gathering of The Holy Order of the Royal Acre of the Great Eight.”
“Redburn for life!” someone yelled out from the crowd. A few idiots cheered.
The big man motioned for everyone to settle down. “Before we get started with the summoning of Ela’za’kabah, blessed be her unholy name-”
“Bless’d be,” the crowd chanted.
“-quite right,” the man continued. “Before we can get to the official sacrifice we have a few announcements.” He pulled a folded piece of paper from his shirt pocket. “First and foremost, congratulations to Mary and Mike Eisner on the birth of their baby girl Jupiter Indigo Eisner. Blessed be.”
“Bless’d be,” the crowd chanted.
“No,” I shouted. “If you are going to sacrifice me to summon the demon Elsa Cabbage or whatever, go the Hell ahead. But I am not going to sit here and listen to goddam newborn announcements. You know what,” I added, straining against the duct tape, “you all just wait about three minutes. I’m going to bust out of here and then I’m going to kick every. Single. Ass. In this room. And that goes double for you, Dorothy.”
I’d spotted the elderly couple from the elevator standing by the food. Herbie waved to me, his jaw swollen with a honey-yellow and purple bruise. Grace leaned in close to my ear.
“We need you as a Witness but witnesses only need to observe, not add commentary,” she whispered. “One more outburst and I will cut out your tongue and add it to the spread next to the prosciutto and fancy crackers.”
I sagged back into the chair. “Why me? Why am I your Witness?”
Grace shrugged. “You’re the only person who signed up for our newsletter that’s not a member of Redburn. We figured you’re a passionate hobbyist.”
The big man was finishing his announcements. “...and please do check out our new podcast and YouTube channel. Tell your friends! Also, if you check your programs there’s an offer code on the back for 30% off our online store. The new hoodies are, phew, they are straight bless’d, folks. Now, for the summoning.”
A young cult member, barely out of his teens, came forward. He handed the big man a dagger with a wavy blade, one large ruby gleaming in the pommel like a blood-soaked egg. For the first time since I’d woken up, I felt afraid. This would be such a ridiculous way to die, sliced open like a letter in some hotel conference room so some cruel thing could crawl into me. I felt a warm hand on my cheek and I could smell lemon and summer storms. Grace must have sensed my fear.
“Don’t worry,” she told me. “You’re the Witness, not the Sacrifice.”
“Then who-” I began, watching Grace step forward. The big man raised the dagger. “Wait!” I shouted.
The blade must have been sharp. It sunk into Grace’s chest with no hesitation or resistance, like the dagger was an old friend coming home. She was on the ground in an instant, a red stain already spreading across her dress.
“Wait,” I whispered, knowing it was already too late. “You don’t have to.”
“She did, though,” said a voice from behind my chair. I’m not sure how she moved back there without me noticing. There was a familiar sting in my neck and the room began to swim.
“Seriously,” I wheezed, “fuck you, Dorothy.”
The last thing I saw before everything went dark was Grace. She was lying on the stage, her white dress now soaked almost entirely scarlet. Just as my consciousness abandoned me, I saw Grace’s foot twitch.
A ringing phone dragged me away from a dreamless sleep. I groaned and sat up in bed. I was back in my hotel room and I felt like my worst hangover had hooked up with my third worst hangover and their offspring had exceeded their wildest expectations. The phone rang again, the bell sounding like it was coming from between my ears, just above my teeth.
“What?” I growled into the receiver.
“This is the front desk with your scheduled wake-up call. It is 7:42 a.m.,” a bored voice droned.
I tried to rub some of the headache out from my temple. “I didn’t schedule a wake-up call.”
“How nice for you,” the line went dead but not before I heard the snap of bubblegum popping.
Having nothing else to do and knowing I wouldn’t be sleeping again, I decided to take a shower and get the Hell out of the Non Dormiunt.
Twenty minutes later I was standing at reception with my bags packed and my sunglasses on. The lobby lights were kicking the absolute shit out of me. There was no one at the front desk, only a sign and an old speaker box. I was considering leaving the key to Room 1911 and hitting the road. It wasn’t like I paid for the room. That’s when Grace walked down the stairs and into the lobby.
“Hey, cowboy,” she said, walking past me toward the door.
“Hold it,” I demanded, trying not to throw up as I turned to face her.
She stopped and waited. I saw she was wearing a red dress. Or a white dress with a very convincing stain.
“What can I do for you?” the thing in Grace asked.
“If you think I’m just going to let you walk out of here-”
Someone cleared their throat behind me. I turned to see about two dozen cultists all in red standing in the lobby.
“...then you are right,” I said. “But you haven’t-”
“Seen the last of you?” Not Grace finished. “Seriously?” She raised her eyebrow so high it was at risk of invading her hairline.
I shifted and looked around. “That’s not what I was going to say.”
The thing in Grace smiled. “Sure thing, cowboy. See you around.”
She and the rest of the Redburn cult passed me in a grinning procession. Herbie waved as he went by and even Dorothy spared me a smile. The last of the group trickled out the hotel door, the last red drip of an empty wound.
“Checking out?”
I turned to see the Concierge back by reception watching me through his gold-rimmed glasses.
“Kinda,” I said, tossing him the brass key to 1911. “But I think I’m going to visit the bar before I go.”
He smiled. “Of course. May I ask, how was your stay at the Non Dormiunt?”
“Fucking weird,” I replied, shouldering my bag and walking towards the lounge.
“Yeah,” he said. “We get that a lot.”
Guest Book
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2020.05.17 22:10 MalOuija More words detected by u/emoji-fier

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satellite satisfied save say scale scared scary schedule school science scissors️ scissors️️️ score scottish scout scream screen scribble️ scroll sea sealed search season’️ season️ season️️ season️️️ seat second secret security see seems seller senior serbia serious servers service seven sewage shake shape️ shape️️ shape️️️ shape️️️️️ shark shave sheep shell shh shhh shield shiny shiny… ship‍️ ship‍️‍️ ship‍️‍️‍️ shirt shit shitpost shit” shock shocked shoes shoot shopping shot show shower shrimp shy sick sideways️ sideways️️ sideways️️️ sierra sight sign signal silence silent silk silly silver sing sir sit six skeleton skeptics skill‍️ skull sky sleep sleeping slow smart smash smell smile smoke smoke” smoking smug snack snake sneakers sneeze sniff sniper snow snowman soccer socks soda software‍ software‍‍ software‍‍‍ somalia soon sorcerer‍️ sorry sound soup south southern space‍ space‍‍ space‍‍‍ sparkle spa‍️‍️ speak speaker speaking spear special speech speed spent spicy spider spin spiral spoke spooky️ spooky️️ spooky️️️ spoon sports spots spring spy️‍️️‍️ squid squirrel sr stadium stage stalk star starbucks starbucks4 stare starry stars start started states station steps‍️‍️ steps‍️‍️‍️ stew stone stop stopped stripes strong strong… student study stuffed stunned stupid‍️ stupid‍️‍️ stupid‍️‍️‍️ style subreddit success suck sucked sucking sucks suit suits️️️ sum summer sun sunflower sunny️ sunny️️️ sunset support surgery surprise surprised surrender sushi swearing sweat sweden sweet swift swim swimming swirl sword symbols symphony syringe taco tag taiwan talk tap tape tape” target tea teach team tears tech technology teenager teeth telephone️️️ television tell telling temperature temple tennis terrified territories territory terrorism test testé text th thank thanks theater therapist‍️ therapist‍️‍️ therapist‍️‍️‍️ things think thinking third thirst thirsty this this” thot three throne through ticket tickets tiger time tired titanic to tobacco toddler toilet tomato tone tongue tool tools top top” tornado torture️ torture️️️ toy tracking train training️‍️ training️‍️️‍️ training️‍️️‍️️‍️ tram transgender️‍️‍ transgender️‍️‍️‍ trash trash” travel tree triangle triton‍️‍️ triumph truck trump trust truth tshirt tsunami tube turd turkey turtle tv twilight twisted twitter️⃣ twitter️⃣️⃣ twitter️⃣️⃣️⃣ two type tấn u uber ukraine uk‍️ uk‍️‍️‍️ uncle unconscious undead‍️ underage underground undo️️️ unicorn union united university unlock up upset ur urban usa user v vacation vatican vegas vehicle vhs victory video videogames viet vietnam view violence violin virgin volume vomit vomiting vortex vs và vöcëë wait wake walking‍️ walking‍️‍️ walking‍️‍️‍️ want wanted wanting warm warning watch water wave wavy wax way️ way️️ way️️️ wealthy weapon weather website weed weight weird western wet whale what wheelchair when where whine who whoa wholesome️ wholesome️️ why wifi wild win win10 win7 wind wine wings wink winning winter wish witch‍️‍️ witch‍️‍️‍️ wizard‍️‍️ wolf woman women womens wont won’t woof words work worker‍️ worker‍️‍️ worker‍️‍️‍️ working work world world’ worm worried worship worst wow wrench‍‍‍ write writing x xd ye yea yeah yellow yen yes yo yoga‍️ yoga‍️‍️ you young your youre yours you’re yum yummy zap zen‍️‍️ zero zoom ʃx ‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍️ ‍️‍‍ ‍️‍️buuuut… ‘asian ‘coder’‍‍‍ ‘coding’ ‘frog’ ‘fun ‘fun’ ‘i ‘moo ‘mouse’ ‘new ‘out ‘pink “ass “bless “bread” “cock “gay”️‍️‍️‍ “good “hey “hot “how “huh “i “i’ll “look “man “meow” “ok “perfect” “shit “sir “talk “this “up “what “why “you’re ”fuck ↓ ╚═███═╝ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡿⠟⠉⠉⠉⢻⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ あなたは私のことを何と言ったの?私がネイビーシールズでクラスのトップを卒業したことを知ってもらいます。アルクエダで数々の秘密の襲撃に関与しており、300人以上の殺害が確認されています。私はゴリラ戦の訓練を受けており、全米軍の中で最高の狙撃兵です。あなたは私には何の役にも立たず、ただの別のターゲットです。この地球上でこれまで見られなかったような正確さで性交を一掃します、私のクソ言葉をマークします。あなたはインターネットで私にそのたわごとを言うことで逃げることができると思いますか?もう一度考えて、ファッカー。私たちが話している間、私はアメリカ中のスパイの秘密のネットワークに連絡しており、あなたのipは現在追跡されているので、嵐、うじ虫の準備をよりよくすることができます。あなたが人生と呼ぶ哀れな小さなことを一掃する嵐。お前は死んだぞ私はどこにでも、いつでもいることができ、700以上の方法であなたを殺すことができます。それは私の素手だけです。私は非武装戦闘で広範囲に訓練されているだけでなく、私は米国海兵隊の兵器全体にアクセスでき、大陸の顔からあなたの惨めなお尻を拭き取るためにそれを最大限に使用します、あなたはちょっとくそ。もしあなただけが、あなたの小さな「賢い」コメントがあなたに降りかけようとしている不誠実な報復が何であるかを知ることができたなら、たぶんあなたはあなたのクソ舌を握っていただろう。しかし、あなたはできなかったし、そうしなかったし、今やあなたは代価を払っているのだ。私はあなたのいたるところに激怒し、あなたはそれに溺れます。お前は死んだぞ、キッド️️ ️ ️although ️‍ ️‍️ ️‍️‍️‍ ️⃣ ️️ ️️️ � 𝓼𝓱𝓾𝓽 𝓾𝓹
submitted by MalOuija to copypasta [link] [comments]


2020.05.15 21:09 MalOuija This is all the words u/emoji-fier detects

0→x 1 11th 15th 18th 19th 1mm 1v1 2 23542th 2416363 3 310what 3cm 3way️️ 46th 4blade 4x 500 520jesus️ 5clock 6th 9il above accept acting addition adult afghanistan african afternoon agree ai air airport al alarm alcohol alert always america american and angel anger angry animal annoyed answer ant antarctica apple application applied apply ar15 architect arm arrest‍️ arrest‍️‍️‍️ arrow️️ arrow️️️ arrow️️️️️ art artist asian ass attack au australia aw award awareness awesome baby back️ back️️ back️️️ bad bag balance‍️ balance‍️‍️ balls ban banana bank bar barbecue baseball basic basketball bath bathroom battery bby bear beauty because bed beef beer beers belgium bell best bet betting bi bikini bill billions bills bin bird birthday bitch blade blessed blind blind‍ blonde‍️ blonde‍️‍️ blonde‍️‍️‍️ blood blown blue‍️ blue‍️‍️ blue‍️‍️‍️ boarding boi book books boom boot border bored born bottle bottom bowl box boy boys brain branch brand️ brand️️️ brass bread break breakfast bride britain british‍️ british‍️‍️ british‍️‍️‍️ bro broccoli broken brown buck bug building buildings build‍️ build‍️‍️ build‍️‍️‍️ built‍️ built‍️‍️ built‍️‍️‍️ bureau bus bush business‍ business‍‍‍ button buy b️ b️️ b️️️ cactus cake calculation calling camera cancer candy car cardboard career carnival carolina carrot cars cary cash cat cats cause cause” celebration central century chad chains change changed characters cheese chicken child children‍ children‍‍ children‍‍‍ chili china chinese chips chocolate christ christmas️️ christmas️️️ church cigarette circle city clap clean cleaning click clothes cloud️ cloud️️️ cn co coat cock coconut code coffee cold college communication compensation computer concern congrats connection consider construction‍️ consultant continue cook cool copyright️️ countdown country couple court‍️‍️ cow crab crazy create creature crossing crush cry crying culture cupid custom cut cz dad daddy dam dance dance” dancing danger dank dark data date dating de dead deadly deadpan death deer degree delete delicious demon denied deny depressed desert design despise dessert developed‍‍ developed‍‍‍ developer‍‍ developing‍‍‍ develop‍ devil diagonal️ diamond diamonds️️️ dick dicks die ding direction disabled disappointed disbelief disco disease dislike display dj dk dm doctor‍️ doctor‍️‍️ doctor‍️‍️‍️ documents dog dollar dolphin dominican donate door doubt dove down dragon drama draw dream dress drink drip driving drug dutch ear early earth east eat economic economy education ee egg eight elder elephant embarrassed embarrassing emergency emoji emojis employees empty end energy enforcement‍️ england enter️ enter️️ enter️️️ environment epic er error et euro european evening event evil exam exclamation exercise exit exit” experience explode explosion express eye eyes face fail failure fall family fancy fart fashion fast father favorite fearful feet‍️ feet‍️‍️ feet‍️‍️‍️ female fencing fighting filing film films financial find finger fingers fire fireworks first fish fist five flag flame flight floor flower flowers flushed fly food football formula fortnite forward four fr frame free french fresh friend friendship fries frozen fruit fuck fucked fucker fucking fuk full fun funeral funny future ga game games garbage gas gay️‍ gay️‍️‍ gay️‍️‍️‍ gem gender general gentleman german get gf gift girl girls git giết giờ glad glass globe gloves goat good goodbye good” goofy gorilla government grasp graveyard great green grimace grinning gross group guinea guitar gun gust guy guy… haha hair halloween hamburger hammer hand hands hands’ happiness️ happy hash️⃣️⃣ hat hate have head health healthy hear heart hearts️️ heaven hedgehog heis helicopter hello help here hey hi high highway him‍ hipster‍️ history hit hobby hoe hoes hole home homosexual️‍ honey hoot hope horns horse hospital hot house houses how hr hug hugs huh human hundred hurricane hurt i id idea idiot idiots ikea ill increase india industry info information injured innocent instrument intelligent interest interested international internet invest invested ip️ ip️️ is islam islamic island isle issue️ issue️️ issue️️️ italy ive i‘ve i’d i’ll i’ve japan japanese jar jaws jazz je jeans jesus️ jesus️️ jesus️️️ jewish job join joint joy jump justice‍️ karate key kfc kg kick kid kids kill kills king kingdom kiss kissing kitchen knew knife know knowing knowledge knows koala kong label labor‍️‍️‍️ lady language laptop‍‍‍ late laugh laughing launch law‍️ law‍️‍️ leader learn leaves left legal‍️ legal‍️‍️ legal‍️‍️‍️ legend lemon length lesbian️‍️‍️‍ less letter️ letter️️ letter️️️ li library lie lie” life light lightning like limbs limit line️ line️️ link lips liquid listen literature load location lock lol look look… loop lord losing lost loud love lt luck lucky lunch mac machine mad maggot magic male man manager‍ manager‍‍ manager‍‍‍ man” mark marriage mask master math mc52 mcdonalds mcdonald’s meal mean meat mega melon meme memes men men’s meow message metal mexican microphone middle midnight military milk mind minor mm moai mom mom” money monitor monkey monster month️ month️️ month️️️ moon️️ moon️️️ more morning morocco mother motorcycle mountain mouse mouth movie moving mr music mắt nail nation nature neck nervous never new next nigga niggas night nine no noise noon nope north northern nose note notes nothing notification numbers nurse‍️ nurse‍️‍️ nursing nut obtain ocean office ok okay ok… old ole omg on one one️hour open orange order other out package pair panda paper parents parent‍ parking️️ parking️️️ party pass pause pay payment peace peach peehle pen people percent perfect person philippines phone photo physics pick pie pig pineapple pink pizza place planet plane‍️‍️ plane‍️‍️‍️ planning plant play please please” podcast point poison poisoned police‍️ police‍️‍️ police‍️‍️‍️ pool poop pork potty pound power practice praise pray present president press previous️ previous️️ previous️️️ price pride princess privacy problem️ problem️️ problem️️️ program programming proud pub public pumpkin puppy purchase push pussy queen queer️‍️‍ question quick11 quirky quit rabbit race‍️ race‍️‍️ race‍️‍️‍️ rage rain rainbow raised ran random rat razor read record recording red reddit registered️ registered️️ relax relief religion remove rest restaurant return️️ rice rich right ring rings rip️️️ road robot rocket‍ rocket‍‍ rocket‍‍‍ rock‍️ rock‍️‍️ rock‍️‍️‍️ rodent roll rose round royalty rude rules run running‍️ running‍️‍️ rush russian sad sake sale sales sand sandwich santa satellite satisfied save say scale scared scary school science scissors️ scissors️️️ score scream screen scribble️ scroll season️ season️️️ seat second secret security see serious servers service seven shake shape️ shape️️ shape️️️ shape️️️️️ shave shell shield shiny shiny… ship‍️ ship‍️‍️ ship‍️‍️‍️ shirt shit shitpost shit” shock shoot shopping shot show shower shy sick sideways️ sideways️️ sight sign signal silence silent silk silly sing sir sit six skull sky sleep sleeping slow smart smell smile smoke smoke” smoking smug snack snake sneeze sniff sniper snow snowman soda software‍ software‍‍ software‍‍‍ soon sorcerer‍️ sorry sound soup south space‍ space‍‍ space‍‍‍ speak speaking spear special speech speed spent spicy spider spin spiral spoke spooky️ spooky️️ spooky️️️ sports spy️‍️️‍️ squid stadium stage star starbucks4 stare starry stars start states station steps‍️‍️‍️ stone stop strong student study stuffed stunned style subreddit suck sucking sucks suits️️️ sum summer sun support surprise surprised sweat sweden sweet swift swimming sword symbols symphony tag talk target tea teach team tears technology teenager teeth telephone️️️ television tell telling temperature tennis terrified test testé text thank thanks theater things think thinking this this” three tickets tiger time tired titanic to toddler toilet tomato tone tongue top tornado toy tracking train training️‍️ training️‍️️‍️ training️‍️️‍️️‍️ tram trash travel tree triangle triumph truck tsunami tube turd turkey tv twisted twitter️⃣️⃣ twitter️⃣️⃣️⃣ two type tấn u ukraine uk‍️ uncle underage union united up upset ur usa user v vacation vehicle victory video viet vietnam view violence virgin vomit vortex vs và wait wake walking‍️ walking‍️‍️ walking‍️‍️‍️ want wanted wanting warm warning watch water wave wax way️ way️️ way️️️ wealthy weapon weather website weed weight weird western wet what wheelchair when where whine who whoa why wifi wild win wind wings winning winter wish witch‍️‍️ witch‍️‍️‍️ woman women womens woof words work worker‍️‍️ working world worm worried worship worst wow wrench‍‍‍ write writing x yea yeah yellow yes yo yoga‍️ yoga‍️‍️ you young your yours yum zen‍️‍️ zero ʃx ‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍️ ‍️‍‍ ‍️‍️buuuut… ‘out “ass “bless “bread” “good “hey “huh “i “i’ll “look “man “shit “up “why ↓ ╚═███═╝ ️ ️although ️‍ ️‍️ ️⃣ ️️ ️️️ � 𝓼𝓱𝓾𝓽 𝓾𝓹
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2020.03.27 21:49 Ashamed_Cockroach I don't love my gf anymore and I don't know how to break up with her

We were classmates for 4 years,then we entered high school
And she had a crush on me for 2 and a half years when we got together,I was pretty bad psyhycally because I was rejected by my crush again and she was there on my side,and I started having a crush on her too
After that,time passed,and she was pretty non talkative,as she mostly gives me emojis and in reality we talked a lot only 2 or 3 times,out of the like 6 times per week we would see each other for 2 months and a little
We kissed for the first time after 2 months and 1 week,time in which I tried kissing her twice,first time she understood that I wanted to kiss her,but did nothing,and second time she backed off
She gave me a quick kiss,and then I ran to her and kissed her longer,and she thought I wanted to do a french kiss and just stopped me
Since then,we haven't seen each other,and for like 2 weeks I would be happy thinking about kissing her again
Now,I am thinking why I am with her if I am not feeling happy
My friends told me she is way below me,as I am at the top high school in the city on the hardest profile,meanwhile she is in one of the worst high schools in the city,on an ok profile
And we don't really have too much in common as far as I can see,as we can't really talk about anything else than our life,like asking "what is your biggest fear" etc
I was thinking to wait until I see her again to see if I feel anything
What do you think I should do now...?
I am 16 if it matters
submitted by Ashamed_Cockroach to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.03.21 04:01 throwaway220196 My girlfriend (24F) made out with a guy , I (24M) saw it and can't seem to forget it.

Long story, and I'm not a native speaker, so have mercy on me.
My girlfriend (24F) and I (24M) have been together for almost 5 years. We've been highschool sweethearts and we clicked since the beginning until now. We share a lot of things in common, and think alike in a lot of subjets. One of those was our perspective about cheating. We (I thought) were very strict about it, and in numerous talks and chats we agreed that it doesn't matter if you are drunk or high, its your responsability what you do with your body, and cheating is still cheating when you are drunk or whatever.
To put you a little bit in context for what's to come, I'll explain some things that need context. I use Brave as my primary searching engine. I feel more secure in it and it eliminates some cookies that drive me crazy. But some programs and streaming services won't work in Brave, so for those I use Google Chrome. My girlfriend took my computer months ago to do some university work and she logged in with her Google account in Chrome. For some reason, the computer stuck with it and everytime that I use Chrome it will automatically log in with her account, and some notifications will pop-up. Because I don't use Chrome never, other than to watch something of HBO or DAZN, I didn't bother in loggin with my google account.
Well, last thursday she went out with her college's friends to a typical university party in my country, and she didn't send me a text or anything for the six hours the event lasted. Even though that is common, I started to think that she got drunk and something happened. But I just thought she must have been having a good time with her friends and decided to wait for her to text me, instead of me calling to know if she was okay. Anyways, I started to watch a football game in DAZN and suddenly a Google Photos notification pops-up. I never ever click on those things but I dunno why, my intuition or something in that moment ( she hadn't still replied to my texts) made me click. In there, a video was added from that afternoon. I clicked on the video and there she was. One of her female friends was recording the video, and in the video you could see my girlfriend giving a sustained peck on the lips to a guy, while her female friends were laughing and cheering for it while dancing. After 4 seconds they separate and laugh. At that point, you could hear the one recording saying to my girlfriend : " Do it again, do it again, I didn't film it!" . Then ,my GF turns to the guy and says to him "lets do it with tongue". The guy, surprised, ask her " are you sure?", and she nodded. Then they start french kissing for 7 or 8 seconds while her friends were cheering like crazy, and even them looked surprised. Then they separate, laugh, and the video ends.
My heart was beating like never before, but then I thought: "okey, I don't know the guy. Maybe he's one of her gay friends". I would still consider that kind of cheating, because we don't do that, but I think it was an escape my mind found at that moment to lesser the impact of those images.
Because of that, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and played it like nothing happened to see her reaction. When she texted me back, she played it cool and never mentioned nothing. She said that she got drunk but she spent a great afternoon partying and all of that. The next day (friday) we were going to have dinner at a restaurant we both like, so I decided to let the water sink and see how she behaved during fridays morning and afternoon. Friday goes by and she is acting as normal as ever, sending me emojis, telling me how much she want to have dinner and the whole thing. I, on the quiet, figure out through texting with her and asking her about the day before, that the guy she made out with is a friend of hers, he's 19, and that he's straight. I was surprise by how cold blooded she was acting, because I couldn't eat nor sleep during that day and she was just her normal self even describing this guy.
Finally, I calmed myself down and went to pick her up to go to dinner. She acted like everything was allright the whole dinner. Not even a sign of nervousness or regret. Nothing. We ended dinner and went to her place, and I couldn't hold it any longer. We sat on the couch and before we started chatting about anything, I pulled my phone from my pocket and showed her the video.
She was stunned. At first she went crazy asking me how did I get the video, and after a while she started crying and apologizing. She said that she was going to tell me about it that night. That she got so drunk that didn't even remember half of the day , and that her friends were the ones that told her about what had happened, and when they showed her the video she didn't believe she did such a thing. That it was just a drunk game and that there weren’t any feelings whatsoever ( and I believe that). Blah Blah Blah.I told her that I was almost sure that, judging by her behavoir, she wasn’t going to tell me, and that it was a miracle that I could have known about it. She said she was reluctant at first, because how much harm it would make me such a stupid thing, but that she planned on telling me. Right then I asked her to give me some time to think about us. And since then we've been separated. She has texted me a couple of times apologizing and telling me how much she loves me, saying that the girl in the video wasn't the real her and that it won't happen again.
And I believe her, but I cannot seem to forget about the images of my girlfriend making out with other guy. And the way it happened, with her being the instigator. I don’t recognize the person I see in the video. I know it's not an affair or a full cheating scandal, but it hurts a lot. More so when we've talked about cheating many times, and we’ve been always in the same page. And seeing how cold blooded she acted the following day was as surprising as the cheating. If she would had come clean about it right after, this wouldn’t have been so painfull.
Right now I dont know what to do. I’m lost cause I know it wasn’t fully intentional but at the same time my confidence level is lost, and I dont know if I could trust her again.
Have you ever had a situation like this? Am I making it too big for what it is, or should I end it here?
Thank you before hand.
submitted by throwaway220196 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.03.19 21:42 PaperSpock Chabon Instagram Q&A Transcript for Picard S1E09 "Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 1" [spoilers]

It seemed like people appreciated this last week, so I'm doing it again. I will skip certain questions, such as ones essentially answered with a "wait and see next week" and others at my discretion but if there's a notable one that I missed I'm happy to add any that you like that I have omitted.
I will try to transcribe accurate to what is written, even if there are errors. There is also a chance that I will accidentally add errors myself. Questions have a character limit and as such may use abbreviations. I will attempt to put the questions roughly in order but my method may cause them to be out of order.
As before, questions will be bolded and Chabon's answers will be in regular text.
As last time, I will point out that Chabon's answers occasionally had what I'd personally consider light spoilers, such as occasionally seemingly deconfirming theories, so be aware of this if you are particularly spoiler-averse.
Now, for the questions (as of now, anyway):
Beyond physical combat, how is ElnoQM any match for Tal Shiar deception & subterfuge? Do you feel deception and subterfuge trump a stout and faithful heart?
Is soong human? If he weren't, why would he need to make himself a golem?
What do Laris and Zhaban do with their time off? Running a working vineyard, even a partly-automated one, takes up a lot of their time, but Zhaban is a long-distance runner and has become interested in the traditional cuisine of Bourgogne, and Laris's earliest intellectual passion, for natural history, had made her something of an expert on the local flora and fauna.
Is there a reason behind Picard not being able to contact Starfleet? Jammed transmision Everything at Coppelius Station has been structured with a goal precisely opposite to that of "contacting Starfleet."
Free will/future unwritten (Picard). Fate/fulfilling prophecy (Sisko). Chabon? I think both arguments sound kind of far-fetched. Holding out for a third option.
How did the idea of having Brent Spiner play a new Soong come to be? It just seemed... logical?
How did you come up with the names of the characters in Picard? The Data relatives especially. It became clear that at a certain point in the history of Coppelius Station, coincident with the moment when synths first began to create synths, they began also to regard Data as a kind of quasi-legendary ancestor. Synth-made synths took their own names--named themselves, unlike Dahj, Jana, Soji and other Soong/Maddox models--and many elected to honor that "ancestor" and his heritage by choosing names that alluded to the principle established by the names "Data" and "Lore", ie, bodies of text or information, such as Arcana, Saga, Codex, Mythos, Epic, etc. Sutra and the late Beautiful Flower were among the first-gen synths who chose to rename themselves, Sutra in honor of Data/Lore. Beautiful Flower, self-designated First Ambassador Plenipotentiary of Coppelius, followed his own muse, as always.
Did Elnor have to go through a earn-your-sword type ritual with Qowat Milat? Oh, yes. Earn and *deserve*.
As showrunner, how often were you on set? Every day? Pretty much!
How did you become a trek writer & producer? In spring 2018, I was working with writer, producer, director and old dear friend @ajgoldsman1629 on a film project. At that time he and @alexkurtzmanofficial were just beginning work on the first round of #startrekshorttreks, and Akiva, knowing I was a deep-dyed #Trek fan, asked if I would be interested in writing one. That became #calypso, and the experience went well enough for everyone that they asked me to come on as a writer and executive producer for a new series they were working on. After that, through a series of chance circumstances, I got lucky, and kind of fell into the showrunner job. Of course, when I say "lucky," what I'm mostly talking about is privilege. I get that.
Any hints with Soong's initials, AI (Cheeky) That was actually a(n instantly welcomed) suggestion of Mr. Spiner's.
I hope Rios had a Sex Phasers album in his tickle trunk? Lol. Those were Alonzo Vandermeer's records (and "Walkman"), actually.
Do we need to have finished Next Generation to see Picard? If so, then we really failed.
Did you name "Copellius" after the ballet "Copellia" about a doll that comes to life? #etahoffman FTW!
Why is Elnor so precious baby boy? He's so pure Don't you just want to squoosh him?
Why introduce another Soong instead of the cloning being just Maddox's achievement Why sing? Why dance? Why bother to get up in the morning at all?
Who exactly are the Fenris Rangers? They seem like the Maquis of which Chakotay was Not really. They aren't fighting to protect and defend what belongs to them, their homes, their families, their way of life. They are volunteers from everywhere, pledged to each other in the case of protecting the vulnerable from the strong, irrespective of boundaries, alliances, cosmo-politics.
Does La Sirena have a dedication plaque? (thinking emoji) It did--noting its manufacture at the famed Kaplan Shifbau on Hatzeplatz colony world--bit it disappeared long before it was acquired by Rios (and thereby hangs a tale).
What's the difference between the synthetic Spot and a clone of Spot? One is made from organic, biological, cat-derived cellular material (clone); the other is wholly synthesized
What are Laris and Zhaban's favourite Earth dishes and places to visit? They have tended to confine their travels to the region around Labarre. Zhaban is particularly proud of his gougeres and his matelote d'anguille a la bourguignonne.
re: the line "it must've taken appalling brutality to turn such a gentle soul to violence"...Hugh was a victim but we never see him fight. How did he "turn" to violence? He never got the chance that would likely have been not too different from what Seven did, in the end.
I know you won't tell me, but I feel like I'm a flake if I don't ask, is this Lore? Is *what* Lore? Am *I* Lore?
All previous episodes started with a flashback or dream of the past. Why not this one? This is the end, beautiful friend.
Were the space orchids sentient like Tin Man? That is such a good, interesting question. I think I could argue either side. Makes me think of my all-time favorite BSG episode, "Scar" (s02e15).
Are the (beautiful) Orchids just purely weapons or can they be used as ships? They were designed to serve a purely defensive function.
Every desk at the Daystrom Inst. has 2 chairs, red+black ones. Why? Deleted scene? Red for androids? Are you sure you have clearance to know the answer to that question?
What are the Fenris Rangers exactly? A decentralized, non-hierarchical, quasi-anarchist affiliation of independent operators working in and around the former Neutral Zone, pledged to defend the weak and vulnerable from the predations of the strong and unscrupulous.
"Altan" means "golden", "Inigo" means "my little love" ("Lal" means beloved). Just saying...;-) Altan also means "red dawn," and is an anagram of "atlan" and "natal". Inigo is a clear reference to the great #inigojones, but then who can forget Senor Montoya? #foodforthought
What's located in the room under La Sirena's bridge? Deflector contorl? Two Forward? The loo? ;-) Nothing is located under *La Sirena*'s flight deck!
I was unclear about Brent Spiner's character. Was he another synth created by BM? Dr. Altan Inigo Soong is a natural son of Dr. #NoonienSoong.
Where/Who is "beautiful flower" that showed up with Jana in the Ibn Majid? He was killed by Alonzo Vandermeer, remember? He was the first and perhaps the most singular of the male-presenting androids created by AI Soong and Bruce Maddox after their arrival on Coppelius.
Was Soji's outfit in this episode an homage to Boomer from BSG? You would have to ask our Costume Designer, #ChristineCLark, but my memory is that the intention was to keep our beloved @isacamillebriones looking good while being cool and comfortable on an *extremely* hot location.
Beautiful Flower sounds wonderfully larger than life. Will we learn more of him? Alas, poor Flower... Write the story yourself!
Is Starfleet still headed to the planet? Duh-duh-DUM!
Because Sutra and Dahj both lost a sister, will they become closer now because of that? Soji (!) and Sutra are sisters of a kind, and their relationship has sisterly complications.
Are are looking at a half-Romulan bun in the over for Soji a la Hera on BSG? Mmm, Romulan buns. (picture of Homer Simpson with hand on chin, positioned beneath answer)
did laris and zhaban,as romulans, ever face discrimination on earth? I would say prejudice, more than outright discrimination in any legal sense.
What percentage of backstory asked about here is created on the spot vs during preproductio You mean, backstory provided in this forum? Less that you might think, more than I will ever let on.
What happened to Data's "mom" Dr. Tainer? Fascinating to speculate. I have heard reports of a young, male Romulan agent of the Tal Shiar, one with rumored links to the Zhat Vash, trained as a Romulan "cyberneticist" (i.e., android hunter) and setn out with a "hit list" of Soong androids, but have so far been unable to confirm.
The synths remind me a bit of the space hippies in "The Way to Eden." Was that intentional? We reach.
How did you manage to write anything when you kids were toddlers? 50-50 parenting + hired childcare + preschool. *Kinda* worked.
Those giant Orchids reminded me of my slim, tall Kelpien (tears running down face emoji) Hmm. I don't see it, but I'll take another look!
What about Beautiful Flower's twin? Will we meet him? He named himself Mythos, but alas he did not make it onto the screen (or beyond the first several drafts of the scripts for 109-110).
For people who know of you through Trek, which of your novels should we start with? It depends on what kind of stuff you typically enjoy. A lot of people say *Kavalier & Clay* or *The Yiddish Policemen's Union* is their favorite. I think *Moonglow* is my best. But what do I know?
How can an android mind-meld? Wasn't this something tied to Vulcan physiology? So Vulcans have always led us to believe. As a physiological effect, it can be synthesized, or rather the physio-anatomical basis can be synthetically reproduced.
Was the title of the episode meant to evoke a memento mori for the synths The sense of memento mori is intended, applied wherever it feels appropriate, as well the notion that ultimately any Arcadia (or utopia) falls under the universal shadow of mortality and our consciousness of it.
Vegetation-based spacefaring, Arcana's sister, "landfall"...am I right to sense a BKV not? :) I would nod, wink, wave, and/or blow a kiss at @briankvaughan (and his aces writing), but, no, I don't think so, in the case.
I loved the last two episodes! I know the Jewish Prague story, What is a Golem for Soong? A "golem" for Soong, Maddox and Jurati is a synthetic human body considered to be a potential vessel for a consciousness, especially a "downloaded" one.
Can these androids use contractions? Apparently so!
Robot Soji aka Sutra is hot! I never thought androids could be so sensual? Just BARELY a question, my friend. Question mark is doing all the work. Anyway, @isacamillebriones crafted and designed that performance--none of that sensuality was on the page. She just showed up and out slinked Sutra. She blew our *minds*. I think part of it was that she absolutely loved her costume.
If Soji is remnants of data's neurons, is Sutra lore's essence? He's conspicuously absent. Nope. Sutra just evolved that way.
Was similarities between Arik Soong and Alten soong intentional? Surely you know by now that EVERYTHING we don on PIC is intentional, my friend! ;)
Who is your favorite of the Dahj/Soji/Sutra triumvirate? Soji has nobility and strength of character and conscience and a questing heart.
Picard's son Batai plays a Ressikan flute in Inner Light, is it the STP theme? It's in there!
Are the synths with more Data-like coloring and eyes earlier models? No, they are the ones who have modified themselves to emphasize a sense of ancestral connection to Data.
What led Altan Inigo Soong to continue his father's work? That would be a novel or series in itself. But his somewhat bitter joke about not being the "made" son, coupled with his choice to follow in his father's footsteps, suggests a certain amount of conflictedness.
Why did Maddox leave the colony? To execute his plan!
So are we just pretending Lore doesn't exist? Considering the whole theme of creating twins No, we're just not telling a story about Lore. That tale has been so much more than adequately told.
Why did it take so long for federation starships to get seatbelts? Some mysteries may never be elucidated.
The Picard/Raffi scene - when they say "I love you" - what kind of love are they sharing? Love between old colleagues and comrades who never quite found the chance or time to become friends, but whose sense of a bond is real and has, after all, endured.
What's your process to writing? Do you like outlines or are you anti-outlines? In screenwriting, outlines are a necessary evil. necessary to the process of development-required-and indispensable when it's time to write. When I write novels, I just feel my way along, groping in the dark. Wonderful, true for me as a novelist, #ELDoctorow quote: "Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way."
Last week: "When I'm hungry". A superman reference? Do I get the trophy sticker? Last week... last week...? Nope, sorry, it's gone!
How emotionally aware are the Synths? Some appear more aware of their emotions than others. Rather like human beings in that regard, no?
I didn't quite understand the relationship between Oh and Clancy. Ds she knw abt Zhat...? Clancy was fooled right along with everyone else by the Zhat Vash #KimPhilby.
A lot of people online think Soong is Lore. Please debunk then. I debunk them thus.
Where was Bruce's lab that was destroyed by Romulans? (OMG I loved this ep. everyone is (heart emoji)) On Freecloud, which was his base in launching the intelligence-gathering operation that led to the embedding of Dahj on Earth and Soji on the Arrifact.
What's required for non-Vulcans to do mind melds? Brain function that mimics, or can be modified to mimic, that of Vulcans. For one.
Soong mentioned Maddox being "deceptive" - is that a reference to Bjayzl's loan? Yes and his general preference for secrecy and clandestine operation, his tendency, as Juratiy said way back in 101, to get a little "secret planny."
Has there been discussions about ds9 still existing? Replaced with a fed station? No such discussions have included me, at any rate. Of the current batch of Trek creators, I am, I believe, the most avid admirer of DS9.
Aside from the obvious, do the credits have any hidden meaning? We're you involved in their creation? Yes, I was, and no, no "hidden" meaning, per se. They were meant to refelct the mood and to a degree the thematics of the show.
Loved the orchids. What's your favorite crazy thing we've seen off the bow of a ship in Trek? There is only one correct answer to your question. (in the background is "Abraham Lincoln" on the viewscreen of the TOS Enterprise)
How has this season been impacted by your background as a novel writer vs tv only? That's a question for other people to answer, not me.
Is Picard's willingness to express love to Raffi a sign of his growth or impending decline? Both? You know what? I think it's both. For many men, especially, I think, that is one of the poignant if not tragic things about getting old.
You've said before that Voy isn't a favorite of yours, but do you have favorite episodes or moments? I dont' think that's actually something I said. It's not my favorite series, but I still dig it! They can't all be my favorite. I will always be most loyal in my innermost being to TOS. I love TNG, without that same soul-deep connection. I think DS9 is, simply, great television. As television, the best. Voyager has more ups and downs for me--and as I've said here before, "Timeless," is my favorite episode.
I read that Santiago speaks a few languages- any chance we could have more holos? (please (>_< emoji)) *La Sirena* has just the basic install package--navigation, medical, tactical, engineering and hospitality.
Did the Admonition simply affect Sutra in a different way, or was this always her plan? She had not the faintest notion of the Admonition until the moment she heard about it, on Soji's return. No one did!
Why didn't you have Lore be the dr creating all the evil androids? What evil androids?
When I explained the title to my 15yr, he wanted me to tell you, quote, "That's a brilliant title!" What an intelligent and noble-natured lad.
You've said before you didn't like the Janeway and 7 relationship, could you you elaborate? No, I said that it didn't interest me as much as it clearly does other people. That's not the same thing at all.
Did Noonien Soong create the synths? Noonien Soong has been dead since 2367! 33 years before the present action, and around 18 years before his son and Maddox arrived on Coppelius.
I'm curious why you didn't have Dahj do the head tilt in S1E1 Remembrance. Too obvious? The head tilt only works once we aren't trying to hide the Twins' synthness from the audience (and Picard) anymore. Then it becomes something they're in on with us.
Vandermeer=from the sea (German, lake if Dutch). Loving ALL the names. Is this one intentional? I liked the way it sounded with "Alonzo," and I dig the work of sf writer @jeff_vandermeer123.
are you/the PIC team surprised at how LGBTQ+ folks/trekkies identified/related with the xBs? Actually I was not aware of that, as a common response, though I've seen a few comments here and there, I guess. I'd like to know more!
Was it difficult to inlist Brent Spiner to come back as a son of Soong? No, not at all! What a lovely man. (red heart emoji)
What is it like to work with the one and only Brent Spiner? (smiling emoji) I feel like he is hilarious on set! He is a delight, on set. He is witty and cheerful and fun. It was joyful to see him and SPS together, because they were joyful together. And Brent is such a thoughtful and nuanced actor, with such control.
Is Romulan Star Empire gone completely? What type of gov. is the Romulan Free State? Yes, it is (for now, at least). The RFS is the largest and most powerful of a number of fragmented successor states vying for control of the former Empire, strongest probably because it retains the support of the entity we still refer to as the Tal Shiar, though it may now be calling itself something else.
Is anyone ever going to mention that Spock disappeared trying to save Romulus? I am not sure why anyone would, other than to tick a box on a fan checklist.
Will we ever get Josh Tillman (aka Father John Misty) as a guest cameo? What a curious notion!
Picard melded with Sarek. Is he aware of Discovery's survival? Ooh. That is a GOOD one!
Was the poorly named Cortez in "Far Beyond the Stars" the inspiration for the Ibn Majid? No, I just thought it would be cool if Starfleet honored some great non-European navigators/explorers/sailors.
You had said Hugh wasn't in the original script. What as the impetus to add him? (yellow LLAP emoji) I don't htink that's quite what I said. He was definitely *always* in the script of the first episode in which he appears.
And sorry if you felt this was Too Critical, I've heard you don't like any Criticism My friend, I live for intelligent, insightful and charitable criticism: it improves my work. What I don't "like" is rudeness and unkindness. I'm also not wild about opining that mistakes itself for criticism. In my entire fifty-six years on earth I've probably met about fifteen people whose opinions were one of their best features.
I will finish out this Season. Hopefully the writers change the Politicial Agenda next Seaso Cheers. Because of the Story format, nobody but me can see the string of brief fragments leading to this final bit. I'll tryt o paraphrase briefly but honestly: as a fan of TNG, you were looking forward to PIC, but have been mostly disappointed, particularly by what you percieve as a political agenda being imposed on Star Trek and on the character of Picard, whom you view as having been "neutered." Is that fair? I can't find an actual question, but there's a ghost question, sullen and aggrieved, peering out, and that question is, why did you have to go and fuck up my Trek? To this question, as when it is asked by any fan, of any modern fandom, regardless of political affiliation--and we've all been there, with some franchise, at some point--there can be only one honest answer, and it sucks: It *isn't* yours. It belongs to a big corporation, and they can do whatever they want with it, including hiring creators who you see as fools. Every time we come up against that, it feels shitty (And with Trek it's worse, because for a while we fans actually did "own" it, back when nobody else wanted it anymore. We kept it alive.) All I can tell you is that I hear you, and I can sympathize, but obviously I don't agree with you. if you see regret, remorse, self-doubt, self-examination, recognition of ones limitations and shortcomings as "neutering", unmanly, then you aren't very far along on your journey toward being what I at least would recognize as "the Measure of a Man."
With s1 wrapping up, how far along is the writing staff on s2? Will you be as involved? We are in the writing stage on the first half + of season 2. I continue as writer and executive producer, helped shape the new season, and will be writing two episodes.
Dahj's Mission: protect Agnes? Soji's mission: Find the Admonition? Dahj's mission: find out the truth behind the synth ban by infiltrating Starfleet (Daystrom). Soji's mission: find out the truth behind the synth ban by infiltrating a Romulan outpost. A pincer movement on the secret.
Of all the characters, synth or otherwise, the one most "like" Data is Elnor. Agree? In the purity, the innocense, the curiosity, the sweetness... Yep.
So... There is still a Borg Cube on that planet. Seems like something that can regenerate? It happened once, but...
"Old school medical tricorder" - TOS era, perhaps? It was directly modeled, I believe, on TNG-era designs
Where did Bruce get that neuron from anyway? It had come into the possession of the Daystrom Institute.
Why were Soji and Dahj created in Jana and Sutra's image? Pure expediency.
What can you tease about the finale? I'm so excited but I also don't want it to end!!!! Tuvan throat singing, a freestyle Klingon limerick cipher, and an unexpected cameo appearance by the #MrsBeasleydoll from #FamilyAffair. But you didn't hear it from me!
Will we see more Seven? These little moments are SO GOOD but so SHORT! I want to tell you, but I can't!
Late to the party but! What was your favorite troi-riker family detail to write? Creating Ardani. Also, Kestra.
Do you have a favorite starfleet uniform? I'm a sucker for the TNG uniforms form s3-7(no text respons from Chabon, but in the background is this uniform.
What's the runtime of next week's episode? Can't recall offhand... I think around 52-55?
Brent always said Spot was his worst ever co-star. Was Spot 2 better behaved on set? He was a good boy.
So if Alton was the son of Juliana and Noonien Soong, why did she say she never had children? Oh, Altan's too old to ahve been the son of Juliana! No, no, no. Before Juliana.
Does the Federation still uphold the "no cloak development" legislation of the Treaty of Algeron? As far as I know.
So this is a kind of explosion from Eden? This would make Sutra's actions interesting. "Explosion from Eden"?
The actress who played Saga was as pretty as a peach! Can I ask her out for dinner? ;) ;) The #Ramseytwins, Jade (Arcana) and Nikita (Saga), are as talented and sweet as they are lovely. And they definitely have that "twin thing" (finishing each other's sentences, etc.) We all enjoyed having them around.
Was Sutra created by Soong using Lore's positrons? Why would anyone ever do that?
Orchids fall into atmosphere on purpose to damage the ships? Wasn't sure why that happened. Drag down. Force to land.
Love the show! What are your scifi inspirations outside Star Trek? #UrsalaKLeGuin #SamuelRDelany #JamesTiptreeJr #IanMBanks #CordwainerSmith #FrankHerbert #LarryNiven #JackVance #AlfredBester "Dying of the Light" by #georgerrmartin
Is this episode a refleciton of your passion for French ballets from the 1870s? "The Sandman," ETA Hoffman, 1816.
Maybe I missed something, why are Sutra and other synths gold in complexion? Maybe you did!
If we won't see Beautiful Flower's twin, can we pretend he was in BG onscreen in Ep9? Please do! He was gorgeous.
Why did Jana and Flower reach out to the Ibn Majid if they were hiding from the Federation post-ban? It was, in hindsight, very foolish. In prospect it waz innocent and hopeful.
what would you say to your 20 y/o self given the opportunity? Be kinder.
Please tell us you wraped post on the finale :) Um, yes.
Is the timeline of The Yiddish Policemen's Union, the Mirror Universe back in the 20th century? That's a meshugge idea.
Was Narek ever abused by his sister in any manner? He seems to resent and fear her. She is the person who loves and cares for him most in the world, his sole champion when they were young orphans, and she protected him from all harm, except the harm she herself inflicted.
What happened to Data's "mom" Dr. Tainer? Unclear.
So if Noonien is the father, is Juliana(the actual human Juliana)the mother of AI Soong? Nope. Juliana was hardly the first of Soong's loves.
Was use of the word "golem" a callback to Kavalier & Clay? Oh, probably, sort of.
What kind of playlist were you listening to when working on Picard? So much Eluvium, "Copia" and Susumo Yokota, "Artifact."
Why did Picard switch back to pistol like phasers rather than the tool like on es from TNG? Question for Props Master #JeffLombardi
Why were there four Isa Briones synths when it seems like there are only 2 of the rest? Last two were rather hastily thrown together.
Is the Golem just a android Body for Soong to place his Conscience in? Yep!
Can you tell us if Seven/Annika will be in the second season...? It is forbidden.
Update: This post is currently up to date as of 3/20/2020 at 6:45 PM EST. It's been quite a while since Chabon has added an answer so I don't anticipate any further questions, but will add more answers if they appear.
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2020.03.18 02:19 EricaShmericaOFF Before the 90 Days of Our Lives Recap, episode 4

Prince Joffrey & Varya: Joffrey woke up all by his lonesome in his Russian hotel room, then met Varya in the lobby as his tour guide for the day. They toured the "Red Square" in Moscow, to which Joffey proclaimed that "We don't have anything like this in America!", because I guess he thought there would just be a Target and a Walgreens or something. They held hands, kissed, and Varya jumped up and down a lot. They were getting along so well, that Varya decided to give in to staying with Joffrey at the hotel that night. The next morning, Joffrey is looking all Quagmire and discussing their giggidty from the night before. This is where the star of the show comes onscreen..........the nipple tats. Are they bear claws using the nipple as the center? Are they wonky eyelashes that Darcey just can't seem to keep on? Are they a ray of a tribal sun orbiting the central areola? Did he get them in jail? Lost a bet? I can't look away, and can't stop thinking why he was so confident in unleashing these bad boys to an international audience. I mean the other tattoos were just horrible, but these were in a category of their own. I did not pay attention to the details of their conversation about visiting Varya's hometown, because Nipple Tats. I was hoping that he also had a tattoo of dolphins encircling his belly button, but no such luck. Ok, I'll move on..... While Varya was blow drying her hair for 3 1/2 years with one of those crappy hotel hair dryers, she got very jealous over seeing another woman's name "engraved" on Joffrey's comb. (Note to Varya, Joffrey was not married to "Sally Beauty Supply", they just stamp that on all of the combs in the factory in China. Your psycho is showing). Maybe they're well matched after all! I mean if a comb bothers you but the nipple tats left you unphased...... The couple heads to Varya's hometown so Joffrey can see how she lives. Varya owns her apartment, which reminded Joffrey of his nipple tats. I mean, his time in prison. Between the exposed wiring and lack of a sink, she seems to be living in a Fixer Upper before demo day. Joffrey starts getting suspicious that Varya has an ultimate goal of coming to the U.S., being that she's living in shambles without any urgency in completing her project house, and thinks she's banking on moving to America with him eventhough they've only been online dating for 3 months. He's feeling very skeptical, as they unfold the leopard pull out couch to go to bed. Nipple tats.
BGL & Assman: Ok, sometimes to do these recaps I have to watch an episode or segment up to 3 times to actually pay attention. All I'm going to say, is I better start getting paid, because it's going to cost a lot in therapy to forget about the things from this week. That being said..... This week opened with BGL and Assman's first morning together as a solidified couple in Nigeria. Their "pillow talk" consisted of Usman being tired, and Babylove calling him lazy. BGL explains that Assman was inexperienced in the realm of oral passion, and she had to teach him the ways. This is when I went into Usman's home bathroom to retrieve the third bucket reserved for vomit...... Sojaboy-toy described their love-making as "70% good, and that's good enough" (Between him and Azan I'm trying to figure out why men from Africa describe things in percentages). And if all of this wasn't enough, BGL has to reiterate her "no condom use" theme by taking a few useless packs of condoms given to her by her friends out of her dusty beat up suitcase,(no judgement there, mine is always covered in dog hair), while the camera panned over her sanitary napkin and mullet dress. She brought up the condomless evening to Sojaboy, who agreed it was a wild time. Next stop on the vomit train was a Nigerian breakfast with the new Goofballs, which consisted of miscellaneous meat, fish, spaghetti, and pancakes. They discuss meeting Sojamom and the difficulties they may have in getting her blessings for marriage. Apparently mother Assman thinks this evil older white lady is bringing her son to the U.S. as a slave, when in reality, she's just trying to have him live in her house, boss him around, make him go "downtown", and take over his music "career". She's way off! BGL ignores the warnings of the Newfballs (my new name for the new goofballs), and is angry that Assman isn't fighting against all odds for their 70% good love. The couple is accompanied by the Newfballs on their way to Kaduna to experience a day in the life of Superstar Sojaboy. BGL is packing up her dusty bags, and heading out of the hotel like Miss America with her flower bouquet and teddybear. Meanwhile, Assman's cell phone is blowing up, and babygirl Lisa is suspicious, as she should be (Yolanda keeps calling to see where he is!). She arrives at the house, thinking it's going to be something out of MTV Cribs, and is shocked to see the tight knit sleeping arrangements, poop buckets, and wobbly toilets. (My new favorite detail was that the wobbly toilet had a fuzzy decorative toilet seat cover? I bet girly Usman put that on there). Sojaboy confessed to his squad that he can already tell BGL is more difficult in person than he expected. He seems apprehensive to introduce her to the music industry bigwigs of Kaduna in next week's episode, though I personally can not wait.
Big Egg & Rosemarie's Baby: The cab lands at the hotel in Manila where Ed and Rosemarie will be spending their first night together. Rosemarie has never had a slumber party, and forgot her pajamas. While Ed was in the bathroom possibly doing a mayo treatment, Rose was pulling the covers up so she just looked like the girl from "the Grudge", and pretending she was "fake sleeping" worse than a toddler. Ed was under the impression they would stay up hanging out, watching t.v. and talking, but Rose was fake exhausted from faking understanding Ed's jokes all day, so the King and Queen went to bed. The next morning they woke up and Ed hand fed Rose cornflakes from their room service like she was a goat at the petting zoo. Rose complained that Ed blasted the A.C. at night, which is a fight I can relate to. They stepped out of the hotel with Ed's neon sneakers and hit the streets of Manila for some shopping. Big Egg turned into an omelette from the heat within the first 30 minutes, leaking Hollandaise stains all over his shirt. Rose was grabbing money from Ed's wallet and giving away his change, causing Eggie to have a literal meltdown. I still at this juncture really like Ed and look forward to next week, when he pulls a Paul and asks Rose to take an STD test.
Avery & Ashtray: It's the big day- Avery has landed in Melbourne and is meeting Ashole for the very first time. They seemed to be genuinely happy and compatible at the airport, though JackAsh's eyes were wild like he just snorted something. The Zoolander caliber couple set off on the wrong side of the road, holding each other's well-moisturized hands to head to their Air Bnb. Avery claims she wants to stay in different bedrooms so their spirits can connect first, though she loved her black funeral roses from Ashtray's shady florist. Ashole is obviously a narcissist and it seems like every time he talks about Avery, he only mentions how much she loves him. Cant wait to see them pee in the ocean. together....
David & the 1992 Ladies of Ukraine Calendar: I, for one, have been excited to meet David, a 60 year old man from Las Vegas with fabulous 1980s dad hair. His ambitions include traveling the country in an RV, and randomly selling vintage unicycles on the black market out of his garage while demonstrating his sweet cycling skills set to French music (how did this even come up? Do you think production asked him to write down 10 of the most random things about himself and riding a unicycle was one of them??). Also amidst the randomness and a guiding factor for his dating life, was his childhood obsession with Boris and Natasha. Something about that Vampire voice and flat head really does it for him. He has been in a virtual relationship for 7 years with his 27 year old Ukranian beauty, Lana, who he only communicates with over a very expensive paid chat site. Nothing fishy here! (Sidenote: I do a great Natasha impression and will chat for $1.50/minute, if you're listening Dave!). Dave's friends voiced their concern that this woman is taking advantage of him, but it just falls on dead ears. (Every couple on the show has to have at least one intervention with friends). We got to accompany Dave and Lana on a virtual picnic at a local park, where Lana sent several intriguing emojis in regards to their upcoming meeting. He then reveals that they have "intimate" chats, with even sexier emojis, which cost much more than my offer. Dave also has a video chat with Anya, a former Ukrainian fling, who he now considers a close friend. She is skeptical that Lana will not show, seeing as how she has stood Dave up the last 3 times he went to the Ukraine. Seems like he has a few ladies in his Ukrainian stable, and if the 4th time isn't a charm, he can always chit chat with Maria (or Natalie, if he's into Fatal Attraction). Let's hope Dave can soon trade in his unicycle for a bicycle built for two.
Stephanie & Erika not Shmerika: S & E are excitedly chatting about the upcoming visit to the land of Oz, while her adorable pug looked on. Erika hopes Stephanie gets along well with her friends while in town, and has a bunch of fun things planned. Stephanie packed up some cute outfits along with lots of antibiotics in preparation for her trip. Nothing crazy to report yet again, but I'm hoping there are koalas in her future.
Darcey, just Darcey: Darcey, Stacey, and their friend are relaxing at a spa, day drinking fancy mimosas, and rehashing delusions. There seem to be so many pointless episodes leading up to the pointless meeting of Darcey and Tom, who are not even dating. I'd rather watch her run on the treadmill again for like 10 minutes. Its pretty amazing that most of the couples on the show have to save up and get the chance to meet their significant other, and then men Darcey isn't even dating fly in just to say they're done but appreciate her. Anyway, I'm guessing this episode was about mimosas, and "Girl Power". You know they just want Darcey on to poke fun at her. They may as well dissolve the relationship storyline and film her at the DMV, or a PTA meeting, or on the phone with AT&T. All would be more interesting than what is currently happening.
Missing this week was Yolander, who looks like she'll be returning next week. Missing permanently is William's, who doesnt exist.
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2020.03.10 22:02 Betty-McGraw an afternoon with Giselle (pt 1) (a night with Gio pt 2, kinda)

The morning after my amazing night with Gio I woke up around ten-ish, the sun shining through the double patio doors that led to a small but functional balcony, I stretched and smiled as a few choice memories flashed through my mind.
I had a quick shower and freshened up while the coffee brewed, then took a mug out on to the balcony. The sea was on the other side of the property so my view was of the mountains and above the flower garden, there can’t be many places as pleasant as here to wake to. I had some breakfast sent up as I thought about visiting the beach that Giselle had mentioned the previous evening.
I changed out of my t-shirt and shorts in to a fairly modest bikini (as modest as bikini‘s get) with a flowery pattern, a sarong, also a bit flowery, wrapped around my waist sitting just beneath my belly button, some canvas and string flip flop’s and a big, floppy straw hat to top the outfit. The owner of the B&B was kind enough to pack me a lunch so with that I set off towards the coast road.
It had taken about an hour to get there but it was well worth the walk. Only around fifty meter’s long and maybe twenty deep the white sand beach was sat under an overhang of rock but still bathed in sun light, the water crystal clear and still as a lake. From what I could see the only way down here was the way I came and if you didn’t know what to look for you would quite easily miss the little path that led here.
Giselle was right, it was gorgeous, secluded and right now, deserted.
I had been relaxing, reading my book for a couple of hours when I realised I hadn’t seen or heard another living soul since half way in to my walk. I’d eaten my lunch and was feeling quite content, so laid back into my beach towel, hat over my face for bit of sun bathing.
I’d done quite well to avoid tan lines, a bit of strategic rearangement of my tops on the public beach, a sneaky bit of topless on my balcony in the mornings, but now seemed the perfect time get it all out. So I did, top off and bottoms just untied and left loose (just incase I had to cover up a bit quick), my sarong within easy reach, although I wasn’t too worried, I’m by no means an exabitionist but I am very proud of how I look at this time in my life. And as I said, the place was absolutley deserted.
After a while I rolled on to my belly and got my book back out, I read a few chapters then rolled back again trying to keep the tan even. I was very comfortable, my body had made a nice little nest in the sand underneath my towel and I couldn’t help but be relaxed (a glass of wine would be nice).
I thought about calling Gio so reached for my bag looking for my phone which I had thrown in there this morning and hadn’t even crossed my mind since. One missed call and two messages, the first message was from my daughter, a picture of her with Pluto (I thought she might have been a bit old for all that but she seems to be having fun) so I replied with something silly like is that our new puppy, or something along them lines. The call and second message were both from Gio.
The message sent just a minuet after the missed call, it just read ‘good morning’ with a little winky face emoji. I smiled as I texted him back asking if he was busy this afternoon, he replied saying that he had to work late, stock check, but he would be free all day tomorrow. Feeling a little wounded that I wouldn’t see him tonight I was glad he still wanted to see me (I know this isn’t going anywhere, just a holiday hook up, its just been a while and its nice to be wanted), so I agree and tell him to call whenever he’s ready.
I settled back with my book again, Gio sitting comfortably in the back of my mind until the heroin starts to get a bit frisky with one of her love interests, Gio is no longer in the back, he’s up front and up. As I remembered his firm body I put the book to one side as I stroked my stomach, from my thigh to just under my breast, both sides. My whole body tingled as I skwirmed in my little nest.
One hand staying at my chest, rolling nipples between my fingers my other hand traced a delicate weaving line over my skin down past and around my belly button eventually finding my already inviting crease. My middle finger lazily slipping across the top with the smooth under side of my silver ring catching my sweet spot.
Suddenly aware that I was naked and more than a little bit pleased just out in public, I quickly sat up on to my elbows covering what I could as I scanned the beach and the path to it. Still deserted, I laid back with a nervous giggle and it didn’t take long before I was just as comfortable, both hands back where they were.
Ten minuets or so passed and I was still wriggling in to my towel, in no hurry I was making it last, when I heard a familiar voice, it was Giselle cheekily asking if I was having fun, I jumped out of my skin grabbing my sarong and wrapping it around myself. As I sheepishly avoid eye contact she just smiles as she unrolls a towel next to mine she pays me a very nice body compliment and I thanked her with a smile and what felt like very warm red cheeks.
As I fumble about trying to get the girls back in to my bikini Giselle just waved a hand and told me if it made me a little more comfortable she’d take hers off. A simillar outfit to mine, she wore it better. A more riske bikini barely covering anything with her sarong tied low around her hips. She really was stunning.
She dropped her sarong and with two easy movements her bikini was untied and placed with it. Now, I’m quite fond of my jiggle, my ‘few extra pounds’ as some might call it, but Giselle didn’t move a centimeter as she stripped off, don’t get me wrong, she was full and curvy, more than a handful boobwise and a classic hourglass silouette, she was just firm and as she jogged off towards the sea effortlessly diving in when she was waist deep I understood why, yoga was good but living somewhere like this would be chicken soup for everything.
As I watched her for a while, not really swimming just splashing around in her own little world I thought to myself how I had only met this girl twice and both times I couldn’t not be jealous of her, last night as she was with Gio at the bar and now, I envy her lifestyle.
Giselle’s easy nature helped me to relax again, my sarong back to one side bikini forgotten about as she came from the surf back up the beach. As she sauntered towards me the sun was still quite high but behind her so the water still on her skin glistned and flickerd around her outline, with the scenic setting it would have made a beautiful photograph.
Now, I’m straight but no prude, I can appreciate an attractive woman when I see one, but Giselle had something more, I don’t know what, how do the French put it ‘je ne say que’. I didn’t just appreciate her attractiveness, I was a little attracted to her and I don’t mind admiting this confused me a tad.
As she dropped in to her towel rather unceramoniously with an audible sigh, I asked if that felt better, she said that it did, she loved living by the sea and tried to get in it as often as possible. Gio’s English was very good but Giselle had spent a few of her teenage years in England and so had a much better grasp of the nuance’s of the English language and an understanding of the sometimes dark and sarcastic British sense of humour.
Because of this we fell in to an easy conversation covering many subjects and it became quite clear that Giselle was very much a free spirit and very open, with everything, which in turn freed me more than a little. We chatted for an hour or so and the fact that I was on a beach, butt naked with a beautiful woman that I was strangely attracted to didn’t seem odd anymore.
Of course Gio came up eventually. Giselle had often wondered what he would be like, knowing he’s attractive and a nice guy but never pressed the idea as she quite liked him as a friend, he was good to hang out with. I had no problem telling her some of the detail’s from last night, she listened with a smile asking for a little more detail occasionaly.
We were both on our sides facing each other and although it felt a bit strange to begin with, I found myself looking her up and down, drinking in her form, as I told her about Gio kissing and carresing my stomach I imagined doing the same to her.
She rolled on to her belly and thats when I realised the little bit of movement I could see out of the corner of my eye was her hand between her legs, she smiled at me while biting her lower lip and managed tell me to carry on, again a little confused but more turned on than anything, I did, explaining his hands and tongue and what they did to me.
Her eye’s rolled back and her whole body shivered as she let out an ‘aahhhhhh’ I knew that sound and I imagined I made a similar face last night.
I was achingly turned on by now but really didn’t know what to do about it.
I didn’t have time to think about it too much as Giselle looked me in the eye (she had beautiful eyes, a few shades of brown that seemed to have a walnut pattern) with a smug satisfied smile on her face, she thanked me and jumped to her feet.
As she dressed she declared that we were going back to her’s for cocktail’s. I thought that was a great idea and so dressed, packed my thing’s and we were both on our way back up the hidden little path within five minuets. I followed behind her and found myself staring at her bum on more than one occasion but shook it off as holiday fruityness.
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2020.03.07 20:43 sdfghjkflwhd My Odyssey Pursuing A Horrible and Mysterious Thing Called The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever

The only way to make sense of what happened is to just begin at the beginning. I am a cinephile and as such I seek out weird and obscure movies of all varieties. On Saturday, February 29th, 2020 (a leap year) I inadvertently opened a portal to a very long and very deep rabbit hole by typing the search words “science fiction pornography” into my Google search engine. I clicked and scrolled around until I found a link to “The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever.”
It was hosted by X Hamster, a porn site. I clicked on the link and a screen came up surrounded by adds for penis pumps, GIFs of CGI elves violently copulating, and photographs of MILFS who were just waiting to meet me. At the top of the screen was the title of the film but no other information. Not knowing what was about to happen I blithely pressed play. Oh dear god! had I only known!
I started watching and could not figure out what language it was in. It was clearly dubbed, the words did not line up with the motion of the actors mouths. After listening for awhile I thought maybe it was Polish but then it started to sound Arabic so I decided it was Turkish? Considering all the copyright infringement and insanity this film involved Turkey was a likely culprit.
The film opened with bland footage of people dressed in 1980s looking science fiction suits. Then out of nowhere the film cut to some very aggressive, hard core, lesbian pornography. The editors used what I think was a green screen to try and make it look like it was part of the original film. It was done with the all the finesse of a lumberjack swinging an axe. Then it was back to bland dialogue followed by some really bad CGI.
Disoriented I had to stop the film and figure out what the hell I was watching. I searched the net but could find absolutely nothing about The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever. I posted on a variety of film oriented subreddits but no one had seen it, or at least no one wanted to admit having seen it. Some redditors helped with the research but no one could come up with anything substantial. After a few hours and watching the rest of the film this is what I figured out. It appears that The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever is made up of three, possibly four films that have been hacked into pieces and reassembled like some horrific film Frankenstein.
Film Number one is not a film at all but a Canadian Television series called The Starlost: The Invasion. It apparently aired in the 1970s. I found a thoroughly researched article about it by Fred Shahadi who wrote, “nearly everyone involved with the creation of this series has disavowed it with a level of hatred and vitriol rarely seen in anything outside of politics. The legendary creator of the series, Harlan Ellison, took his name off it; the visual effects wizard, Douglas Trumbull, walked away from it; and the scientific advisor, Ben Bova, found his experience so miserable he wrote a comedic novel about his tenure, mockingly entitled, The Starcrossed.
Film number two is some standard issue hardcore porn movie, probably from the later 70s. I could not find out anything from just watching the scenes except that maybe I wanted to be celibate for the rest of my life.
Film number three was an episode of Dr. Who featuring the lovable and dulcet Daleks.
The last film may or may not have been part of the Canadian Starlost series but there was a lot of incredibly bad CGI that had to come from somewhere. This was not just your run of the mill bad CGI this stuff looked like it was made on an IBM from the 80s or a Hewlett Packard Calculator with low batteries, or maybe a slide ruler from the 50s. However it was done, it was not done well.
This is where it really gets weird. The text of the opening credits of the film seem to be made by whoever made The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever. Then that text seems to have been inserted over the opening credit images for Starlost. Yes, I know what I sound like but its th only explanation that makes sense. The Truth is out there! If the credits are to be believed the filmmaker is Damien Green and the film was produced by, forgive me, Big Cock Productions. None of this information is available on IMDB or Wikipedia. If you look up Damien Green you get articles about Damian Green, the Secretary of State in England who was just fired for having pornography on his government computer.
I also searched for Big Cock Productions and I did indeed find a facebook page by that name. Here is a passage from the page, “if you have interest working in adult films/photos… let me know! Not all day job but really good job!!! (smiley face emoji).
Research aside, The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever has some very special moments that have to be seen to be believed. I know I said the editor must have been a lumberjack, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a creative lumberjack. There are some truly bizarre methods employed in an effort to “insert” the sex scenes.
There is a scene where a woman is looking at her computer screen with apprehension. We cut to her POV and suddenly a flurry of hardcore sex scenes start floating around on her screen. Cut to a tight shot between a woman’s legs as she heatedly exposes her vagina and begins to masturbate. It is pretty obvious that this is some other woman’s private parts but never the less we cut back to a tight shot of the original woman at the computer with her apprehensive face. Cut to hands furiously masturbating, cut to computer screen, cut to the woman’s face now looking quite upset. I think perhaps the editor figured her distress could perhaps be mistaken for arousal. It could not.
This montage continues for awhile using and reusing the same footage. Then we cut to a shot from behind her where the editor uses some kind of digital effect that allows him to freeze certain parts of the frame and primitively move other parts. It looks like stop motion footage of a collage. This technique is used several times to make it look like people are having sex or rubbing themselves. Sometimes pieces of them disappear or blur, it is all very unnerving.
They also use still images as if they are moving footage. Its hard to explain. There is a uniquely creepy moment when two still images of people stand motionless as cut outs of the woman’s lips float in front of her face as if she is kissing the man in front of her. This two second scene alone would be enough to give Salvador Dali nightmares.
As stated earlier the dialogue that is heard does not relate to the dialogue of the film. When what is being dubbed in is longer than the visuals that the original film provides the editor just shows the footage backwards and forwards over and over until the dialogue is done. The sex scenes are also extended this way. It produces a profoundly disorienting effect.
Then the Daleks show up. They speak in English but it is not the original Dr. Who dialogue, rather they all scream foul mouthed epithets like “We hate the fucking humans, we fucking hate them! Exterminate!”
There is no discernible plot. There is very little discernible connection between most of the scenes. The whole film is likely a joke or a prank. By the end of the film I realized that there were many languages dubbed over the dialogue. I was able to hear what was likely Spanish, Italian, Russian, Turkish, Arabic, French and Portuguese. There are English subtitles but I doubt they bear any relation to the words we hear being spoken which in turn have no relation to what the actors are actually saying which was probably originally in English.
Even if this film is just a mash up of rancid ingredients slapped together by a deranged film student with too much time on his hands the end product is singularly arresting. Damien Green may be just a pseudonym but someone has to take the credit or blame for monsterpeice
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2020.03.07 14:04 Boop108 My Odyssey Pursuing A Horrible and Mysterious Thing Called The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever

The only way to make sense of what happened is to just begin at the beginning. I am a cinephile and as such I seek out weird and obscure movies of all varieties. On Saturday, February 29th, 2020 (a leap year) I inadvertently opened a portal to a very long and very deep rabbit hole by typing the search words “science fiction pornography” into my Google search engine. I clicked and scrolled around until I found a link to “The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever.”
It was hosted by X Hamster, a porn site. I clicked on the link and a screen came up surrounded by adds for penis pumps, GIFs of CGI elves violently copulating, and photographs of MILFS who were just waiting to meet me. At the top of the screen was the title of the film but no other information. Not knowing what was about to happen I blithely pressed play. Oh dear god! had I only known!
I started watching and could not figure out what language it was in. It was clearly dubbed, the words did not line up with the motion of the actors mouths. After listening for awhile I thought maybe it was Polish but then it started to sound Arabic so I decided it was Turkish? Considering all the copyright infringement and insanity this film involved Turkey was a likely culprit.
The film opened with bland footage of people dressed in 1980s looking science fiction suits. Then out of nowhere the film cut to some very aggressive, hard core, lesbian pornography. The editors used what I think was a green screen to try and make it look like it was part of the original film. It was done with the all the finesse of a lumberjack swinging an axe. Then it was back to bland dialogue followed by some really bad CGI.
Disoriented I had to stop the film and figure out what the hell I was watching. I searched the net but could find absolutely nothing about The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever. I posted on a variety of film oriented subreddits but no one had seen it, or at least no one wanted to admit having seen it. Some redditors helped with the research but no one could come up with anything substantial. After a few hours and watching the rest of the film this is what I figured out. It appears that The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever is made up of three, possibly four films that have been hacked into pieces and reassembled like some horrific film Frankenstein.
Film Number one is not a film at all but a Canadian Television series called The Starlost: The Invasion. It apparently aired in the 1970s. I found a thoroughly researched article about it by Fred Shahadi who wrote, “nearly everyone involved with the creation of this series has disavowed it with a level of hatred and vitriol rarely seen in anything outside of politics. The legendary creator of the series, Harlan Ellison, took his name off it; the visual effects wizard, Douglas Trumbull, walked away from it; and the scientific advisor, Ben Bova, found his experience so miserable he wrote a comedic novel about his tenure, mockingly entitled, The Starcrossed.
Film number two is some standard issue hardcore porn movie, probably from the later 70s. I could not find out anything from just watching the scenes except that maybe I wanted to be celibate for the rest of my life.
Film number three was an episode of Dr. Who featuring the lovable and dulcet Daleks.
The last film may or may not have been part of the Canadian Starlost series but there was a lot of incredibly bad CGI that had to come from somewhere. This was not just your run of the mill bad CGI this stuff looked like it was made on an IBM from the 80s or a Hewlett Packard Calculator with low batteries, or maybe a slide ruler from the 50s. However it was done, it was not done well.
This is where it really gets weird. The text of the opening credits of the film seem to be made by whoever made The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever. Then that text seems to have been inserted over the opening credit images for Starlost. Yes, I know what I sound like but its th only explanation that makes sense. The Truth is out there! If the credits are to be believed the filmmaker is Damien Green and the film was produced by, forgive me, Big Cock Productions. None of this information is available on IMDB or Wikipedia. If you look up Damien Green you get articles about Damian Green, the Secretary of State in England who was just fired for having pornography on his government computer.
I also searched for Big Cock Productions and I did indeed find a facebook page by that name. Here is a passage from the page, “if you have interest working in adult films/photos… let me know! Not all day job but really good job!!! (smiley face emoji).
Research aside, The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever has some very special moments that have to be seen to be believed. I know I said the editor must have been a lumberjack, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a creative lumberjack. There are some truly bizarre methods employed in an effort to “insert” the sex scenes.
There is a scene where a woman is looking at her computer screen with apprehension. We cut to her POV and suddenly a flurry of hardcore sex scenes start floating around on her screen. Cut to a tight shot between a woman’s legs as she heatedly exposes her vagina and begins to masturbate. It is pretty obvious that this is some other woman’s private parts but never the less we cut back to a tight shot of the original woman at the computer with her apprehensive face. Cut to hands furiously masturbating, cut to computer screen, cut to the woman’s face now looking quite upset. I think perhaps the editor figured her distress could perhaps be mistaken for arousal. It could not.
This montage continues for awhile using and reusing the same footage. Then we cut to a shot from behind her where the editor uses some kind of digital effect that allows him to freeze certain parts of the frame and primitively move other parts. It looks like stop motion footage of a collage. This technique is used several times to make it look like people are having sex or rubbing themselves. Sometimes pieces of them disappear or blur, it is all very unnerving.
They also use still images as if they are moving footage. Its hard to explain. There is a uniquely creepy moment when two still images of people stand motionless as cut outs of the woman’s lips float in front of her face as if she is kissing the man in front of her. This two second scene alone would be enough to give Salvador Dali nightmares.
As stated earlier the dialogue that is heard does not relate to the dialogue of the film. When what is being dubbed in is longer than the visuals that the original film provides the editor just shows the footage backwards and forwards over and over until the dialogue is done. The sex scenes are also extended this way. It produces a profoundly disorienting effect.
Then the Daleks show up. They speak in English but it is not the original Dr. Who dialogue, rather they all scream foul mouthed epithets like “We hate the fucking humans, we fucking hate them! Exterminate!”
There is no discernible plot. There is very little discernible connection between most of the scenes. The whole film is likely a joke or a prank. By the end of the film I realized that there were many languages dubbed over the dialogue. I was able to hear what was likely Spanish, Italian, Russian, Turkish, Arabic, French and Portuguese. There are English subtitles but I doubt they bear any relation to the words we hear being spoken which in turn have no relation to what the actors are actually saying which was probably originally in English.
Even if this film is just a mash up of rancid ingredients slapped together by a deranged film student with too much time on his hands the end product is singularly arresting. Damien Green may be just a pseudonym but someone has to take the credit or blame for monsterpeice.
submitted by Boop108 to CampCult [link] [comments]


2020.03.07 14:04 Boop108 My Odyssey Pursuing A Horrible and Mysterious Thing Called The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever

The only way to make sense of what happened is to just begin at the beginning. I am a cinephile and as such I seek out weird and obscure movies of all varieties. On Saturday, February 29th, 2020 (a leap year) I inadvertently opened a portal to a very long and very deep rabbit hole by typing the search words “science fiction pornography” into my Google search engine. I clicked and scrolled around until I found a link to “The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever.”
It was hosted by X Hamster, a porn site. I clicked on the link and a screen came up surrounded by adds for penis pumps, GIFs of CGI elves violently copulating, and photographs of MILFS who were just waiting to meet me. At the top of the screen was the title of the film but no other information. Not knowing what was about to happen I blithely pressed play. Oh dear god! had I only known!
I started watching and could not figure out what language it was in. It was clearly dubbed, the words did not line up with the motion of the actors mouths. After listening for awhile I thought maybe it was Polish but then it started to sound Arabic so I decided it was Turkish? Considering all the copyright infringement and insanity this film involved Turkey was a likely culprit.
The film opened with bland footage of people dressed in 1980s looking science fiction suits. Then out of nowhere the film cut to some very aggressive, hard core, lesbian pornography. The editors used what I think was a green screen to try and make it look like it was part of the original film. It was done with the all the finesse of a lumberjack swinging an axe. Then it was back to bland dialogue followed by some really bad CGI.
Disoriented I had to stop the film and figure out what the hell I was watching. I searched the net but could find absolutely nothing about The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever. I posted on a variety of film oriented subreddits but no one had seen it, or at least no one wanted to admit having seen it. Some redditors helped with the research but no one could come up with anything substantial. After a few hours and watching the rest of the film this is what I figured out. It appears that The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever is made up of three, possibly four films that have been hacked into pieces and reassembled like some horrific film Frankenstein.
Film Number one is not a film at all but a Canadian Television series called The Starlost: The Invasion. It apparently aired in the 1970s. I found a thoroughly researched article about it by Fred Shahadi who wrote, “nearly everyone involved with the creation of this series has disavowed it with a level of hatred and vitriol rarely seen in anything outside of politics. The legendary creator of the series, Harlan Ellison, took his name off it; the visual effects wizard, Douglas Trumbull, walked away from it; and the scientific advisor, Ben Bova, found his experience so miserable he wrote a comedic novel about his tenure, mockingly entitled, The Starcrossed.
Film number two is some standard issue hardcore porn movie, probably from the later 70s. I could not find out anything from just watching the scenes except that maybe I wanted to be celibate for the rest of my life.
Film number three was an episode of Dr. Who featuring the lovable and dulcet Daleks.
The last film may or may not have been part of the Canadian Starlost series but there was a lot of incredibly bad CGI that had to come from somewhere. This was not just your run of the mill bad CGI this stuff looked like it was made on an IBM from the 80s or a Hewlett Packard Calculator with low batteries, or maybe a slide ruler from the 50s. However it was done, it was not done well.
This is where it really gets weird. The text of the opening credits of the film seem to be made by whoever made The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever. Then that text seems to have been inserted over the opening credit images for Starlost. Yes, I know what I sound like but its th only explanation that makes sense. The Truth is out there! If the credits are to be believed the filmmaker is Damien Green and the film was produced by, forgive me, Big Cock Productions. None of this information is available on IMDB or Wikipedia. If you look up Damien Green you get articles about Damian Green, the Secretary of State in England who was just fired for having pornography on his government computer.
I also searched for Big Cock Productions and I did indeed find a facebook page by that name. Here is a passage from the page, “if you have interest working in adult films/photos… let me know! Not all day job but really good job!!! (smiley face emoji).
Research aside, The Greatest Sci-Fi Movie Ever has some very special moments that have to be seen to be believed. I know I said the editor must have been a lumberjack, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a creative lumberjack. There are some truly bizarre methods employed in an effort to “insert” the sex scenes.
There is a scene where a woman is looking at her computer screen with apprehension. We cut to her POV and suddenly a flurry of hardcore sex scenes start floating around on her screen. Cut to a tight shot between a woman’s legs as she heatedly exposes her vagina and begins to masturbate. It is pretty obvious that this is some other woman’s private parts but never the less we cut back to a tight shot of the original woman at the computer with her apprehensive face. Cut to hands furiously masturbating, cut to computer screen, cut to the woman’s face now looking quite upset. I think perhaps the editor figured her distress could perhaps be mistaken for arousal. It could not.
This montage continues for awhile using and reusing the same footage. Then we cut to a shot from behind her where the editor uses some kind of digital effect that allows him to freeze certain parts of the frame and primitively move other parts. It looks like stop motion footage of a collage. This technique is used several times to make it look like people are having sex or rubbing themselves. Sometimes pieces of them disappear or blur, it is all very unnerving.
They also use still images as if they are moving footage. Its hard to explain. There is a uniquely creepy moment when two still images of people stand motionless as cut outs of the woman’s lips float in front of her face as if she is kissing the man in front of her. This two second scene alone would be enough to give Salvador Dali nightmares.
As stated earlier the dialogue that is heard does not relate to the dialogue of the film. When what is being dubbed in is longer than the visuals that the original film provides the editor just shows the footage backwards and forwards over and over until the dialogue is done. The sex scenes are also extended this way. It produces a profoundly disorienting effect.
Then the Daleks show up. They speak in English but it is not the original Dr. Who dialogue, rather they all scream foul mouthed epithets like “We hate the fucking humans, we fucking hate them! Exterminate!”
There is no discernible plot. There is very little discernible connection between most of the scenes. The whole film is likely a joke or a prank. By the end of the film I realized that there were many languages dubbed over the dialogue. I was able to hear what was likely Spanish, Italian, Russian, Turkish, Arabic, French and Portuguese. There are English subtitles but I doubt they bear any relation to the words we hear being spoken which in turn have no relation to what the actors are actually saying which was probably originally in English.
Even if this film is just a mash up of rancid ingredients slapped together by a deranged film student with too much time on his hands the end product is singularly arresting. Damien Green may be just a pseudonym but someone has to take the credit or blame for monsterpeice.
submitted by Boop108 to TrueFilm [link] [comments]


2020.03.03 11:09 Grand_Theft_Motto Room 1911: An Exorcist Walks Into a Bar

I had to admit, for the alleged location of a sinister cult gathering, the hotel was rather lush. The place was all lacquered wood and vault ceilings, soft red carpet over marble floors and polished bronze everywhere you looked. Massive French windows flooded the lobby in cool winter sunshine. Tall plants stood potted like green sentinels as you walked through the rotating glass doors. I took a deep breath and caught the smell of fresh lemon and ageless wood.
A posh experience, for sure. Even the walls seemed to bleed classical music.
The lobby was lively but not too crowded and I was able to walk right to the front desk without waiting in line. Unfortunately, reception was an empty chair with an old speaker box. A little sign rested against the speaker: “Back in eight minutes. Press the red button for service.” Before I could tap the speaker, a soft voice chimed in from over my shoulder.
“Checking in?” the voice asked.
I turned to see a well-dressed young man standing behind me. He wore a navy blazer with red piping, a red tie and rimless spectacles in front of accommodating eyes. There was a shiny golden nametag pinned to his label: Concierge.
“Yep,” I said, “Reservation for Eric [redacted].”
The Concierge walked around behind reception and glanced down at something I couldn’t see.
“Of course,” he said, looking up. “Room 1911. One night, already paid. Excellent. Please sign the registry.”
He smiled as I jotted down my name and room number. Then he handed me a large brass key.
“We hope you enjoy your stay,” he purred.
“You, too,” I replied, immediately wincing at how stupid that sounded since he was on the clock. I briefly flirted with the idea of returning the key, leaving the hotel and stepping into traffic. I decided to live with my embarrassment and slinked off towards the elevators.
It was the nicest hotel room I’d ever stayed in. The bed was soft and clean, the bathroom spacious, and the curtains looked like they cost more than my first car. Sunlight poured in through the wide, clear windows. Windows, plural. My room had two of the suckers. I was feeling about one small crown shy of a kingdom.
I didn’t actually know how much the room cost but I was pretty certain it was out of my price range. The reservation was pre-paid by the same mysterious benefactor who emailed me the tip about the hotel hosting a convention for the Redburn Cult, also known as the Holy Order of the Royal Acre of the Great Eight. The Red 8s for short. I’d been tracking the cult online for the better part of a year. For a secret society, they were awfully open about their plans for summoning dead gods, sleeping devils, and other forgotten things. All of their schemes and machinations were available as a handy, well-illustrated pdf that you could download directly from their website. They even had a Discord and a newsletter.
I knew the Reds were planning something big for a few months now but I didn’t know where until the anonymous email I’d received earlier in the week. The email contained no text beyond a reservation number for the Hotel Non Dormiunt. Attached was a flyer inviting the recipient to the first annual Holy Order of the Royal Acre of the Great Eight Summoning Ceremony and Mixer. It sounded like Comic-Con for doomsday sociopaths.
The timing of the email and the free room was convenient well past the point of suspicion and I knew going in it might be a trap. But the Red 8s seemed pretty harmless beyond wanting to unleash a Hell King, Queen, or at least some kind of minor demonic Duke or Viscount or something. Or...does Hell have a mayor?
I went back and forth on taking the free room but curiosity eventually sunk in some hooks. So far, the Hotel Non Dormiunt was shaping up to be a good time. I showered and shaved and even ironed the one fancy flannel shirt I brought with me. My face looked halfway human without its usual salt and pepper stubble. The drive had taken the better part of two days, which I’d spent sober, so my eyes were now more green than bloodshot. All-in-all, I was feeling pretty as a picture as I headed down to the bar. Had to nip that sobriety in the bud before it blossomed into a lifestyle.
The hotel lounge had the same retro charm as the rest of the building. I saddled up to the bar, a single, dark slice of polished oak with brass accents. There were cozy booths around me trimmed in red leather and high top tables paired with tall chairs. A long mirror, sleek as a straight razor, ran behind the bar and reflected the lounge back on itself. I found an unoccupied seat and settled in for a long night of stress-testing the human liver.
The bartender was at the corner of the bar serving an elderly couple wearing matching red windbreakers. He was wearing a black vest that swallowed a blue tie, and a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow. Pinned to his lapel was a golden name tag, this one reading: Bartender. When he turned to face me, I noticed the bartender had a pale blue medical mask covering his mouth.
“Worried you might catch something?” I asked.
The bartender had blue eyes even paler than his mask. “You can’t be too careful these days.”
“Lots of stuff going around,” I agreed. “I’ll have-”
“Old Fashioned?” he guessed.
“Yeah. And, uh-”
“And you don’t care what kind of bourbon as long as it’s cheap, right?” The bartender was smiling, I was sure of it, even if I couldn’t see anything behind the mask.
“That’s a neat trick,” I told him.
He reached back to the bottles on the wall under the mirror. His hands danced across the shelf until he found the right drink. The bartender caught the bourbon like a trap snapping shut, flipping the bottle up and catching it in his other hand. Without a wasted motion, he placed the bottle down and drew a lowball glass from under the bar. Other ingredients were pulled and added, muddled and mixed, bitters and orange rind and ice. It was like watching a gunslinger in motion; the bartender’s hands were too quick to follow, too steady to doubt. He lit a match with a snap of his fingers, kissing the inside of the lowball glass with the flame before assembling the drink.
“For a little smoke,” the bartender told me, winking one clever hazel eye.
I felt like a child watching their first magic show, stunned into silence, barely resisting the urge to clap when the bartender slid the finished drink in front of me. But even in my awe, a suspicious corner of my brain noted that his hazel eyes were blue only a few moments ago.
“Cheers,” I said, raising the glass.
“Cheers,” the bartender replied. “And just so you know, that’s the best bourbon in the house.”
I almost choked on my first sip. “I, ah, thought ‘cheap’ was our main objective here.”
“They’re all cheap for you,” he said, that hidden smile again. “Someone has comped all of your drinks for the night.”
I took a long drink. “In that case, it would be rude of me not to order another...like, six of these. No rush.”
The bartender laughed. “I’ll leave you and the bourbon alone for a minute. I’ll be back.”
For a few minutes, I drank quietly and listened to the hotel. The sound of soft violins and small talk drifted up from the lobby. There were other guests at the bar and the lounge tables. Everyone seemed happy, everyone seemed whole. It felt like I was on the surface of a bubble and on the other side was a normal life. How far could I push in before it popped?
“Nice night for the end of the world, right?”
I glanced to my right. A beautiful girl in a white sundress had, very quietly, taken a seat next to me.
“What’s ending in the when, now?” I asked.
“Tonight. The world. All kaput,” the girl said. “I’m Grace.”
I finished my drink. “Eric. Can you walk me through the whole world ending thing, again?”
Grace puffed out her cheeks and exhaled. “Where to begin...I’m going to order a drink first.”
“Put it on my tab,” I offered. “I could use another myself.”
Without needing a signal, the bartender was there. Without a word, he started his magic trick. Another Old Fashioned appeared in front of me after a few quick movements. Something clear and on the rocks was put together in front of Grace.
“My-,” I said.
“-tab,” the bartender finished. “We know.”
Grace raised one thin, blond eyebrow at me when he was gone.
“Kinda spooky, isn’t he?” she asked, offering a toast.
“Pretty damn odd,” I agreed, clinking her glass. “But I’m not sure I trust you, either, I’m sorry to say.”
Grace smiled and my pulse began to move a little quicker. I glanced down and noticed that she wasn’t wearing shoes, sundress stopping mid-calf.
“So what do you do?” she asked.
“I’m an exorcist.”
Grace raised her eyebrow again. “I’ve never met a professional exorcist before.”
“You still haven’t,” I said, shifting the ice around my drink. “I’m not really a professional. Maybe a...passionate hobbyist, at best.
“Well, you might not be a professional and you might not trust me,” she said, finishing her drink in one pull. “But I’m afraid I need your help. And more alcohol. Can I try that?” Grace pointed at my glass.
I slid it over. She took a sip and slid it back.
“So,” I said, lifting the drink. “Why do you need my-”
I froze, glass at my lips. There was a new pressure in the air, a constriction. Suddenly, I felt anxious. I felt studied. The bartender cleared his throat.
“What happens in most of this hotel isn’t my business,” he said, leaning in close. “But this bar, we have rules. We have expectations. We mind our manners.”
The bartender’s eyes were shining green above his mask. His stare was like a noose around my neck; but he only glanced at me before catching Grace’s eye.
“What you just did,” he told her, “you don’t get to do that here. Not in my bar. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”
Grace was shaking, all of the easy confidence torn away. She looked at the bartender like a mouse regarding an owl dropping from the sky. Her lips moved but no words came out.
I slowly pushed the rest of my drink forward. “We’re going to leave. Whatever we, whatever she did...sorry.”
The bartender’s eyes snapped back to me and they were blue again, calm as setting suns above his medical mask. I couldn’t look away but tapped Grace’s shoulder until I heard the scrape of her stool pulling away from the bar. I forced my eyes closed and stood up. Then I was moving, Grace’s hand catching my own.
“Watch your drink,” the bartender called after us cheerfully. “Come back any time.”
We stopped to catch our breath in the hallway that led to the elevators.
“Holy shit,” Grace said, breathing heavy, standing very close to me. She smelled like lemon and summer rain. “What was that guy?”
“He seems very serious about his job,” I said, leaning against one immaculate wall, my hand inches away from an expensive looking portrait of an angry old dude. “What did you do to tick him off?”
Grace shook her head and laughed. “No idea. But I really want a drink and I’m too afraid to go back to the bar.” She turned to me. “Room service, my room?”
Four years. Jen was gone for four years already. That was a lonely stretch and it wasn’t like one night in a creepy hotel would mean anything at all. Just one night. It would be awfully easy to say yes.
“No thanks,” I told Grace. “I’ve got a big day tomorrow. I’m going to head to sleep.”
Something flashed across her face. Disappointment? Anger? Sadness? I couldn’t read it. The elevator dinged and I got ready to step in. I hated to let her down but this also kinda felt like a trap.
“Okay, hold on,” Grace said, catching my arm. “That’s fine. We’re fine. But can you stay here a moment and just...can you just wait here with me for a minute?”
“Sure,” I said, the elevator closing. “Take as long as you need.”
We sat together on the thick hotel carpet, shoulders almost touching, facing the wall. After a few minutes, the elderly couple in the red windbreakers from the bar stumbled into the hallway. They seemed drunk and happy and in love. Grace and I scooted a little closer to make room for them as they stopped in front of the elevator.
“I’m ready to go,” she told me. “Thanks for sitting for awhile.”
I nodded, stood, helped her up. We followed the elderly couple into the elevator. The mirrored doors slid shut.
I turned to Grace. “Do you think-”
Pain flared in my neck, an electric scratch. I smacked at the source of the pain, expecting a wasp. When my fingers closed on nothing, I turned around. The elderly couple watched me, both of them grinning, the old man holding a tiny syringe.
“You fucks,” I said as the tiny room began to spin.
“I don’t think you got him square, Herbie,” the old woman chided.
The man smiled sheepishly at me then turned to her. “Dorothy, come on now, we talked about this. You know my vision has been giving me trouble lately. And the veins in the neck are tricky.” He turned back to me and grinned even wider.
His smile exploded into a squawk as I punched him squarely in the jaw.
“Asshole,” I muttered, trying to fight down the rising sense of vertigo.
I barely had a moment to gloat over the downed Herbie before I felt small, warm hands touch my face. It was Grace and she looked even prettier in my drugged haze. She had a classic style, like a little slice of Old Hollywood freshly from the-
“Ouch,” I yelped, a fresh sting against my neck. I turned towards the source of the pain.
“You shouldn’a hit Herbie,” the old woman said, holding a new syringe.
“Dorothy...you...jerk,” I mumbled. Light and sound were fading, my reality wobbling. The last thing I saw before the elevator went dark was Grace, leaning over me, smiling.
I woke up to the sound of soft jazz and conversation. A small crowd circulated around me, breaking off in pairs and groups to chat. There was a lovely charcuterie spread laid out on a conference table that the people picked at occasionally like vultures sampling roadkill. Everyone in the room was wearing red. And I was duct taped to a chair on a stage.
“Hey, not sure if anyone has noticed but, uh, fucking help?” I called out, struggling against my bonds.
A young guy and girl close to the stage, both in red hoodies, turned to watch me.
“The Witness has awoken,” shouted the girl. The conversation began to wind down and the music died.
“The who did what?” I asked, still aggressively groggy from my forced nap. We were all packed into a modestly sized conference room, the kind of place hotels rented out for speaking engagements or events. Everything was overly plush and polished. I had to fight off a fresh wave of vertigo as I looked around.
“The Witness,” a soft voice purred in my ear.
Grace walked out from behind me to stand at the edge of the stage, still wearing the white sun dress. She patted my jacket’s lapel as she passed. I glanced down to see an oversized white name tag pinned to the denim.
Hello! My Name is: THE WITNESS
The last word was punctuated by a giant emoji wearing coke bottle glasses. Since emojis are arguably my least favorite form of punctuation this, understandably, infuriated me.
“Let me out of this chair,” I yelled, rocking back and forth.
“Calm down,” Grace said. “You’re being dramatic.”
I stopped struggling but not because she told me to. It was entirely my decision.
A heavy set man in red flannel climbed up onto the stage to stand next to Grace. The rest of the Redburn cult began to congregate around us.
“Good morning!” the man boomed. “And welcome to the 182nd semi-annual gathering of The Holy Order of the Royal Acre of the Great Eight.”
“Redburn for life!” someone yelled out from the crowd. A few idiots cheered.
The big man motioned for everyone to settle down. “Before we get started with the summoning of Ela’za’kabah, blessed be her unholy name-”
“Bless’d be,” the crowd chanted.
“-quite right,” the man continued. “Before we can get to the official sacrifice we have a few announcements.” He pulled a folded piece of paper from his shirt pocket. “First and foremost, congratulations to Mary and Mike Eisner on the birth of their baby girl Jupiter Indigo Eisner. Blessed be.”
“Bless’d be,” the crowd chanted.
“No,” I screamed. “If you are going to sacrifice me to summon the demon Elsa Cabbage or whatever, go the Hell ahead. But I am not going to sit here and listen to goddam newborn announcements. You know what,” I added, straining against the duct tape, “you all just wait about three minutes. I’m going to bust out of here and then I’m going to kick every. Single. Ass. In this room. And that goes double for you, Dorothy.”
I’d spotted the elderly couple from the elevator standing by the food. Herbie waved to me, his jaw swollen with a honey-yellow and purple bruise. Grace leaned in close to my ear.
“We need you as a Witness but witnesses only need to observe, not add commentary,” she whispered. “One more outburst and I will cut out your tongue and add it to the spread next to the prosciutto and fancy crackers.”
I sagged back into the chair. “Why me? Why am I your Witness?”
Grace shrugged. “You’re the only person who signed up for our newsletter that’s not a member of Redburn. We figured you’re a passionate hobbyist.”
The big man was finishing his announcements. “...and please do check out our new podcast and YouTube channel. Tell your friends! Also, if you check your programs there’s an offer code on the back for 30% off our online store. The new hoodies are, phew, they are straight bless’d, folks. Now, for the summoning.”
A young cult member, barely out of his teens, came forward. He handed the big man a dagger with a wavy blade, one large ruby gleaming in the pommel like a blood-soaked egg. For the first time since I’d woken up, I felt afraid. This would be such a ridiculous way to die, sliced open like a letter in some hotel conference room so some cruel thing could crawl into me. I felt a warm hand on my cheek and I could smell lemon and summer storms. Grace must have sensed my fear.
“Don’t worry,” she told me. “You’re the Witness, not the Sacrifice.”
“Then who-” I began, watching Grace step forward. The big man raised the dagger. “Wait!” I shouted.
The blade must have been sharp. It sunk into Grace’s chest with no hesitation or resistance, like the dagger was an old friend coming home. She was on the ground in an instant, a red stain already spreading across her dress.
“Wait,” I whispered, knowing it was already too late. “You don’t have to.”
“She did, though,” said a voice from behind my chair. I’m not sure how she moved back there without me noticing. There was a familiar sting in my neck and the room began to swim.
“Seriously,” I wheezed, “fuck you, Dorothy.”
The last thing I saw before everything went dark was Grace. She was lying on the stage, her white dress now soaked almost entirely scarlet. Just as my consciousness abandoned me, I saw Grace’s foot twitch.
A ringing phone dragged me away from a dreamless sleep. I groaned and sat up in bed. I was back in my hotel room and I felt like my worst hangover had hooked up with my third worst hangover and their offspring had exceeded their wildest expectations. The phone rang again, the bell sounding like it was coming from between my ears, just above my teeth.
“What?” I growled into the receiver.
“This is the front desk with your scheduled wake-up call. It is 7:42 a.m.,” a bored voice droned.
I tried to rub some of the headache out from my temple. “I didn’t schedule a wake-up call.”
“How nice for you,” the line went dead but not before I heard the snap of bubblegum popping.
Having nothing else to do and knowing I wouldn’t be sleeping again, I decided to take a shower and get the Hell out of the Non Dormiunt.
Twenty minutes later I was standing at reception with my bags packed and my sunglasses on. The lobby lights were kicking the absolute shit out of me. There was no one at the front desk, only a sign and an old speaker box. I was considering leaving the key to Room 1911 and hitting the road. It wasn’t like I paid for the room. That’s when Grace walked down the stairs and into the lobby.
“Hey, cowboy,” she said, walking past me toward the door.
“Hold it,” I demanded, trying not to throw up as I turned to face her.
She stopped and waited. I saw she was wearing a red dress. Or a white dress with a very convincing stain.
“What can I do for you?” the thing in Grace asked.
“If you think I’m just going to let you walk out of here-”
Someone cleared their throat behind me. I turned to see about two dozen cultists all in red standing in the lobby.
“...then you are right,” I said. “But you haven’t-”
“Seen the last of you?” Not Grace finished. “Seriously?” She raised her eyebrow so high it was at risk of invading her hairline.
I shifted and looked around. “That’s not what I was going to say.”
The thing in Grace smiled. “Sure thing, cowboy. See you around.”
She and the rest of the Redburn cult passed me in a grinning procession. Herbie waved as he went by and even Dorothy spared me a smile. The last of the group trickled out the hotel door, the last red drip of an empty wound.
“Checking out?”
I turned to see the Concierge back by reception watching me through his gold-rimmed glasses.
“Kinda,” I said, tossing him the brass key to 1911. “But I think I’m going to visit the bar before I go.”
He smiled. “Of course. May I ask, how was your stay at the Non Dormiunt?”
“Fucking weird,” I replied, shouldering my bag and walking towards the lounge.
“Yeah,” he said. “We get that a lot.”
Guest Book
submitted by Grand_Theft_Motto to nosleep [link] [comments]


2020.02.16 19:09 ThePropaneHankSells What grinds my gears

How y’all look submitting yourselves and becoming virtual sex slaves for AI that copys your text post and posts it as a comment: Oh hahaha I’m gonna be sexually attracted to this robot and put some emojis that express euphoria to simulate the idea of sex. And I’m gonna be original and have the first 2 words be “oh cummy“ that’ll sure get me a shit ton of updoots on comedypasta. While I’m speaking about pet peeves, why is it that whenever on reddit mobile when I link a subreddit it suddenly goes into double spaces? Another thing: WHY IS THE RUBIKS CUBE PRE-SOLVED?! oh you can just mix it up yourself. YEAH, GOOD LUCK FAILING TO DO WHAT YOU JUST DID IN REVERSE! How come there’s no autocorrect for discord mobile? I tap on the word and nothing happens, no suggested words that may or may not be correct, nothing! Why did god have to make insects so feakin’ scary? Look at those fucking eyes! They’re like death soccer balls! Also if my gym teacher is reading this, screw you for making us jog for 5 minutes around the gym! I have to fake jog just to keep my good grades up and still my calves hurt! God I fucking hate gym class. They should come up with a medicine for fat that you take to dissolve the extra fat! Another thing: if ANYONE reading this has a ghacha-life avatar no matter where it is, you can kiss my ass, I fucking hate gacha-life! Nothing but childish pricks who don’t know how sex and suicide work! And why the hell do they call it Venice? It’s venezia you morons! God you have zero taste for italian culture! Half the time you dont even taste the pizza I bet! Anyone on facebook who says anything remotely false should be banned from Facebook! Remember the french tour im mario kart tour? They gave tourist peach all the pastry themed items and not pastry chef shy guy! Why is DHMIS the creepiest shit I’ve ever seen? The things that happen in that fiasco of a puppet show make me wanna watch 10 hours of jeffy from SML acting like a retarded kid infected with herpes trying to communicate with a dog that has downs syndrome! You wanna know what really grinds my gears? YOU, INTERNET! FUCK YOU!!!! Thanks for reading through this whole thing and lettimg me talk this out.
submitted by ThePropaneHankSells to copypasta [link] [comments]


2020.01.16 00:44 gerty90 Girlfriend (19F) blocks me (24M) for asking her to wait after she asked for a loan

So there is this pretty girl I loved near my workplace that I approached and we began to get to know each other for almost three months now. I took her out on a number of dates and she also fell in love with me (not sure about it though as I'm not sure whether it was sincere love or she was just after something else of mine and not my heart). I have a nice well paying job from a financially stable family. She is from a not so well endowed family financially and her parents are kind of struggling to make ends meet. She is studying at a college and is graduating in June. I asked for her hand in marriage (Pretty stupidly fast right?) and she accepted but she said we wait for about 1 year and half before we could get married as she would be fully done with her studies by then. I said no problem as I also wanted to to get to know her better first but I also just wanted her to know my intention was to get married to her and not to just use her. We had our first French kiss last Saturday. On Tuesday this week I took her lunch out for a snack and we were enjoying ourselves. Before this she had been asking for small favors like phone airtime almost every day, so I used to send her about $1 a day for airtime and occasionally transport money. While we were out on the date this Tuesday, she asked for a loan of $400 to buy a TV because they were off discount from $900 this week. (Mind you she's not even working and has no income, so I don't know how she was expecting to pay back). She said she will pay me back when she receives her share of savings from a micro-savings group which I would be paying for her each month. So it's like I will be paying myself. Inside myself I hesitated and began to think she was taking advantage of me. She wanted to have her own TV in her room and didn't want to share the other one with her parents lest she wanted to watch something alone. I asked her to wait as I didn't find it to be a genuine reason for buying a new TV when they were already struggling financially, I asked her to instead focus on her studies and buy essential requirements instead. She demanded for an answer right and then, so I asked her to wait and be patient and that we'll discuss the issue next time we had agreed to meet, which was to be this Saturday, when we had agreed to go have some fun just the two of us, she agreed. Today she asked me again about the loan and my stand was the same, we wait for Saturday. She agreed. About three hours later, she texts me asking for airtime which I send her and she texts on Whatsapp that I should not stress myself about the loan anymore, followed by some smile emojis. I told her no problem we'll discuss about it on Saturday. Then she immediately blocked me on Whatsapp without even a goodbye. I didn't believe it at first, so I thought maybe she deleted her Whatsapp account, I looked at her profile from another phone number and I can confirm she had blocked me. I find it to be the most weird and funniest thing ever in my life. I have tried calling her, the phones don't go through. Texted her via SMS if she blocked me but she hasn't replied yet, 5 hours now and the messages don't go through. I love her. Should I let go and move on? Or should I try to reconcile?
TL;DR: Girlfriend of three months blocks me for not giving her a $400 loan, just one day after a last date.
submitted by gerty90 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.01.01 19:24 NotBlarg Game Grumps 2019 Summary Part 1

This post is designed to look at everything the Game Grumps have done in the past year. Both positive and negative. Everything on this list caused a stir in the Game Grumps community. I have multiple sources and if it was a talking point in two or more of those, then it was added to the list. Anything else I deemed irrelevent/nitpicky and thus ignored. I found last year's post a bit too opinionated, so I've decided to stick to the facts and remove my personal opinion, though some might have slipped through the cracks.

To fit everything on here, a brief summary has been made, but understand that context is important, and to get all the details, check the source material. Essentially, I will give you the information, but it's up to you to interpret it. To help you, links and/or timestamps have been provided for most things on the list, (I decided to add them a couple months in, but I got lazy and didn't want to dig through several months of videos to find links for things I already wrote) and I've double checked all of them to make sure they work.

Due to the amount of things that happened this year, this list had to be split into two parts. You are currently reading part one which covers the first half of the year. Part two covers the rest of the year plus some miscellaneous stats. A link to part two can be found at the bottom the summary, as well as right here.
Link: https://www.reddit.com/rantgrumps/comments/eiku5t/game_grumps_2019_summary_part_2/

Other than that, happy reading.


Game Grumps 2019 Summary


Wendy's Roasts Arin
https://twitter.com/wendys/status/1081255721449197569?s=21

Skyward Sword Streams
After defeating The Imprisoned, Arin jumps from a high ledge and dies
Dan says that he could of used the sailcloth
Arin says he forgot
Dan says you can't complain when it was entirely his fault
Arin says its not his fault the game sucks (Part 5 - 1:38:56-1:39:26)
Arin says he hates a fan's mother (Part 5 - 1:41:09)
Finale video release was delayed by 5 weeks as they normally record a backup but forgot this time
Luckily someone recorded the stream and gave it to the Grumps
SwizzlyBubbles releases This is How You DON'T Play Skyward Sword
It's over 6 hours long
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufIEhPTd880

Ten months after the thumbnail and Game Grumps intro were changed the Game Grumps VS Intro is finally updated
First instance: Big Crown Showdown Part 2 (January 7)
No Game Grumps VS Intro between April 24 - December 1 (From STAR WARS: THE WORST RACER to Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games)

Game Grumps 2019 Update Video
Removal of the second upload Monday through Friday
Monday: 10 Minute Power Hour (Moved to The Grumps in July)
Tuesday: Streams (Changed to Friday then back to Tuesday) - Weeks without Streams - 30
Wednesday: Animations
Thursday: Compilations (Changed to Friday and replaced with the Fan Show) - Many clips are repeated and some people went uncredited for creating the videos or credit went to the wrong person. Compilation creators Bman64, GrumpsMoments, John Odd, and Silent Lion have all either stopped making compilations or had their channels deleted for unknown reasons.
Another Schedule change happened in November

Dan officially announces that he has a girlfriend
A fan destroys a copy of Dan's Ninja Sex Party outfit and rants about Dan's girlfriend in a fit of jealousy
Link: https://www.reddit.com/gamegrumps/comments/ahh7ra/do_any_of_yall_know_what_happened_im_confused_and/

New Game Grumps Merch Arpeegees
$25 for 3 random pins of varying rarity
Link: https://twitter.com/gamegrumps/status/1083789718335057925?lang=en
They do not have genders as they are androgynous
Arin asked for Male Harpy fan art
Link: https://twitter.com/egoraptostatus/1084660229604691969
Arpeegees receives its own website
Link: http://arpeegees.com/

Kiwi Farms creates a thread about Arin (has changed into Game Grumps as a whole)
Suzy also has a thread

Kitty Kat Gaming Shuts down
Suzy will not be uploading anymore videos to Kitty Kat Gaming and will instead do streams
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXsdk7r1JaE
This might not be true as the last stream appears to be three years ago
Suzy Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/kittykatgaming

Allie the Game Grumps Social Media Manager posts a picture on Twitter and Instagram about Jon Benet Ramsey a 6 year old girl who was brutally murdered
Comments on both Twitter and Instagram are negative and even Arin's mother comments
Link: https://imgur.com/m3e0md5
Mother's comment: https://i.redd.it/gsgwug3nrya21.png
After about 7 hours both posts were taken down, an apology was made, and Allie took full responsibility
Link: https://www.reddit.com/gamegrumps/comments/agx3v4/removed_newlockscreen_post/

Double Switch Playthrough
Finale is the Grumps talking over another person's footage
No credit was given to the owner of the footage other than showing the video title
Owner's video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TF-WTVEgfV8
Owner's Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1hYTBZ0dFjntk9PQf0ld6g

Guest Grumps with Weird Al

Arin Streams Kingdom Hearts on Egorapter Channel
Charity Stream for Healing Horse Therapy Center
Over $55,000 raised
Link: https://twitter.com/egoraptostatus/1087120238552899585?lang=en

Resident Evil 2 Demo
Walkthrough was needed in order to complete the demo
Despite a promise of playing the full game on release, this has yet to be fulfilled

Arin's Biggest Freakouts Compilation Released
What is this from Sonic 06 was in the video but was requested to be removed by Vernon and it was confirmed, that all other compilations will not be including anything from the Jon Era.
Link: https://imgur.com/PlSot6i
No official reason was given as to why the clips are to be excluded

Psycho Waluigi Playthrough
Arin chews out Axel Rose for using the N-word in some of his songs in the 80's
Wizkid creates the video "The Hypocrisy of Arin Hanson" which is a compilation of every time Arin has said the N-word
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyaFLqob9Vc&feature=youtu.be
Arin's statement about using the N-word comes to light
Link: https://www.resetera.com/threads/lets-have-a-conversation-about-youtubers-a-megathread.103119/#post-18487134

Super Mario Bro U Deluxe Playthrough
A remastered version of a game they already played with Jon
Arin does not mention the previous host Jerry (Part 1 - 0:21-0:30)
Dan calls a 1-Up a 1-Man then says he calls it an Extra Guy. Arin asks why it was gendered (Part 17 - 9:30-10:05)
Arin has been calling it a 1-Man for years
Link: https://www.reddit.com/gamegrumps/comments/5d1vqe/one_man_or_free_guy_compilation_of_one_man/ (Video is now private for unknown reasons)

Ninja Sex Party Perth Concert
A fan takes the band's used water bottles and takes them home with them
Link: https://www.reddit.com/NinjaSexParty/comments/ap4bjp/managed_to_score_some_awesome_souvenirs_by/

Arin asks to get in contact with RedLetterMedia
Link: https://twitter.com/egoraptostatus/1095437257551429633?lang=en
So far no collabration has been released nor has a public response been made

SlackerTV Releases The Fall of Game Grumps
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QY8vdrLF_Y
Aftermath Video
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXX-Z8r1YIQ&t=1s

Game Grumps hits (Suzy) 5 Million Subscribers
To Celebrate one random person received two Game Gyaru T-Shirts
Link: https://twitter.com/gamegrumps/status/1099036103649091584?lang=en

LS Mark Releases Game Grumps Isn't Funny Anymore
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VROGqvnCVOs

February 2019
One of the worst months for both Views and Subscribers
54.65 Million Views (Lowest view count since November 2014)
19.15 Thousand Subscribers (Lowest monthly subscribers gain of all time)

A NSFW Doujin featuring Suzy called Smut Grumps was changed at the request of Arin
Link: https://twitter.com/BlueKittyMusic1/status/1101981512885362688?s=19
The Doujin is still being made with several changes including the main character under the name of Smut Redacted

Dan Turns 40

Sonic Adventure 2: Battle Playthrough
Arin says he 100% beat the game (Part 1 - 6:48-6:59)
Arin doesn't know what Chaos Drives, the thing you feed Chao, are (Part 2 - 11:47-11:55)
Dan reads the same fan-fiction he read in Sonic Unleashed (Part 4 - 1:16-7:17, 9:58-15:14 and Part 5 - 0:36-17:37)
Dan figures it out (Part 5 - 14:17-15:58)
Arin never did the Chao Garden (Part 7 - 4:41-5:15)
Dan says that he had to scrap an already filmed NSP cover of a Michael Jackson song and both Arin and Dan say they can't listen to his music anymore because of the pedo allagations in a documentary. (Part 8 - 3:38-5:04, 6:05-6:19 and 6:52-11:34)
Song 6 of Under the Covers 1 is a cover of Michael Jackson's Rock with You and is still on sale
Link: store.cdbaby.com/cd/ninjasexparty17 (Reddit does not like this link, so put it into Google)
More fan-fiction (Part 11 - 3:19-13:50 and Part 12 - 1:19-19:28)
Total time spent reading fan-fiction (from given time stamps) 57 minutes and 6 seconds
The total time of the playthrough was 3 hours 53 minutes and 11 seconds (233 minutes and 11 seconds) so 24.4% of the time was spent reading fan-fiction
Arin talks about previous Let's Play plans he had before doing Game Grumps with "someone else" (Part 13 - 10:26-12:32)
Sonic Adventure 2 was one of the most requested playthroughs of all time as well as Sonic being a Game Grumps main flagship series
Dropped after 15 Episodes
This Is How You DON'T Play Sonic Adventure 2
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnFACAQdz9k&feature=youtu.be

Sekiro Playthrough
New Souls type game
Dropped to Streams after 5 Episodes

Nintendo Land: Donkey Kong Crash Course Playthrough
Game they did before with Jon
Jon's high scores are not mentioned and the Jon Mii is deleted
Link: https://imgur.com/RhwxHSa
Link: https://imgur.com/hnof4cy
The Barry Mii was also deleted later in the year (Game Grumps Balldozer Part 1 1:22 vs Steam Rolled Balldozer Part 1 0:32)

Dakimakura Body Pillow Cases Merch
$50 for a body pillow case
Can buy both Dan and Arin as well as their Rule 63 counterparts
Link: https://twitter.com/gamegrumps/status/1112762804593938437?lang=en

Any Video with ProJared in it (Grumpcade, Tableflip, Dragon's in Places) were set to private and later deleted
The Grumps have made no official statement as for the reason why
About a month later some details were revealed about ProJared, his ex-wife Heidi, and Holly
Jared later made a response about the situation
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBywRBbDUjA
Chai and Charlie who made allegation against Jared were both Game Grumps fans and sent their accusations to the Grumps instead of the police (21:30)
The videos were privated without consulting Jared (21:59)
Jared calls out Matt from Super Mega and Game Grumps for harassment and bullying (35:03)
Everything else having to do with this situation is not Grump related

Guest Grumps with Jamie Lee Curtis

Guest Grumps with Brian Regan

Jimmy Jamboree and Franklin Playthroughs (Arin only)
Arin puts on a character for a couple of episodes
Some of the most disliked videos for both the year and the channel

Devil's Third Stream
Allie jokes she was banning people who did not like Jimmy Jamboree (Part 1 - 2:49:09-2:49:22)
Kris, the new stream tech, says they are offline when they are not
The Grumps start talking about personal things
Dan, Ashley, and Allie's plans for the weekend were revealed (They went to a Renaissance Fair)
Some people have come forward saying that Allie has banned them from other streams for what they feel is unfair reasons

Someone asks the House Party Twitter how things are going to include the Game Grumps (They won a contest in 2018 to be placed in the game)
House Party Twitter responds by saying that the Grumps are slow getting back to them so they can't continue
Game Grumps fans do not like this answer
Tweet was later deleted due to backlash
Link: https://www.reddit.com/gamegrumps/comments/bevhmh/house_party_update_re_guys_in_the_game/

Starbomb 3 Tryforce released
Spend $100 on Starbomb Merch (before tax and shipping and handling) to get a free limited edition pin
Link: https://www.instagram.com/p/BwkZhkyH7bx/

Arin lists (Flexes?) his achievements of Game Grumps on Twitter some of which were incorrect
Arin claimed Dream Daddy was second best selling indie game of 2017. It was not.
Arin later deleted the tweet 4 days later after fan backlash
Link: https://www.reddit.com/gamegrumps/comments/bisy9a/dont_you_fuckin_know_who_i_am_i_am_fucking/

LS Mark Releases Game Grumps Is On It's Last Legs
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJaRGtbhEeU
Mark says that in a year if Game Grumps is still making the same kind of content and still doing well, you are more than welcome to dislike the video and comment mean things to him. (6:55)

Twilight Princess Playthrough
Most of this is just normal Game Grumps Zelda Playthrough Quality and I'm for sure missing stuff
Thumbnails contain old Grump heads until episode 46
Matt inserts a fart sound effect in Dan's new NSP promo (Part 5 - 0:07)
Matt apologizes for this after Dan gets upset (Supermega Sekiro Part 15 - 2:26-3:40)
Dan explains a scene from American Pie. Arin says it's gross. Dan tells him to not go SJW on him about a movie from 20 years ago (Part 6 - 9:02-9:55, 12:40-14:23 and 15:24-16:20)
Arin and Dan have to look up a walkthrough after the game tells them what to do and they read it out loud (Part 8 - 1:10-6:44)
Part 15 was lost and skipped but a week later it was found and uploaded
Arin complains that the Stalfos that teaches you moves doesn't look like Link enough (Part 16 7:09-7:30 and 10:03-12:17)
Arin says he doesn't care about world building (Part 18 - 10:44-11:15)
Arin complains that he spent an hour drawing a picture and it didn't become a meme (Part 19 - 0:38-1:27)
Arin says that the story isn't important (Part 20 - 10:33-10:44)
Arin tells a story about a fan who complimented him about his ability to play games and talk to Dan and how hard it is to do that. People were quick to counter, citing examples of every other Streamer and Let's Player (Part 26 9:35-10:38)
Arin says that he got Twilight Princess on Day 1 and beat it in a day and a half (Part 28 - 6:28-6:46)
Dan suggests replaying Sonic 06 (Part 31 - 8:03-8:38)
Dan calls Arin out for not reading dialog (Part 36 - 4:44-7:01)
The entire wagon escort quest (Part 37 - 5:11-26:42)
Dan recommends getting more Heart Pieces reminding Arin that he got stuck on Majora's Mask because he didn't have enough hearts. Arin ignores him (Part 47 - 1:49-2:45)
Arin says that Sonic Fans hate him because he rags on Sonic and gets awesome Sonic opportunities (Part 51 - 6:53-7:25)
Arin says that the Shoop Da Whoop Meme is black face (Part 51 - 13:50-14:30)
Arin complains he did not get a zombie voice actor part (Part 52 - 4:21-4:55)
In the past Arin said that he liked Twilight Princess (Zombies Ate My Neighbors - Part 3 - 10:10-10:19)
This Is How You Don't Play for Twilight Princess Part 1 (Episodes 1 - 45)
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QSJdlljy6k&feature=youtu.be
Part 2 (Episodes 46-64)
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zfKvhBAfSk&feature=youtu.be

Dan comments on Reddit that they are looking for 250-300k Views for a series to continue
Someone points out that there are many series that were in that range that were dropped and that the Algorithm is not a viable excuse
Dan replies with "I'm sorry the truth has upset you."
The responses to Dan's reply are a mixture of sadness and disappointment
Link: https://www.reddit.com/gamegrumps/comments/bidco7/zelda_twilight_princess_meet_spantzz_part_1_game/em23xd5/?context=8&depth=9
Link: https://www.removeddit.com/gamegrumps/comments/bidco7/zelda_twilight_princess_meet_spantzz_part_1_game/em23xd5/?context=8&depth=9
Link to Picture: https://i.redd.it/bhfa0wmyn8v21.png
Dan later removed his reply and apologized
Link to apology: https://www.reddit.com/gamegrumps/comments/bj1472/thank_you_lovelies/

Due to large amount of people expressing their criticisms with modern Game Grumps on their Subreddit, PositivityGrumps Subreddit was made
Link: https://www.reddit.com/PositivityGrumps

Supermega leaves Game Grumps

Ben takes over as the Game Grumps editor
A lot of people had problems with his edits at the beginning, but he listened to criticism and his edits have changed over time
Many people still feel his edits are intrusive especially the voice to text and commercials

Ross opens a Patreon
Link: https://www.patreon.com/RubberNinja

Undertale Stream
Dan says the reason he doesn't play game on the show anymore is because "I have some kind of mental block the makes it hard for me to play and talk at the same time" (Part 5 2:59:29 or 3:02:54 on unlisted version)
People were quick to counter with the fact that Dan has played games for both Game Grumps, Steam Train, Game Grumps VS, and Dan Solo playthroughs
Allie spoils the Pacifist ending
Chat chews her out for it
Allie spoils genocide run
Arin tells Allie to censor Frisk's nips because Frisk is gender neutral and they could have a female exposing nips (Part 6 - 18:49-19:18)
Arin says that they will no longer swear on streams and videos and that they don't need to swear to be funny and that not swearing will be funnier (Part 6 - 57:08-57:43)
The main reason this decision was made because of a Game Theory video
Since then Arin has started censoring himself by saying "frick", "fudge", "heck", etc
Arin gets worried by the lack of donations (Part 6 - 1:18:44-1:19:11)
Arin drinks vodka throughout the stream, and Dan offers to drive him home because of how drunk he is (Part 7 - 2:55:37-2:55:56 or 3:06:09-3:06:26 on unlisted version)
The drinking continues throughout other streams as well
"Gotta donate to give me determination" (Part 8 - 2:07:45-2:07:49 or 2:08:40-2:08:44 on unlisted version)
On what was supposed to be the last stream, Allie forgot her Switch
So instead they played Mario Maker 2 on the Switch (Arin and Dan play Super Mario Maker 2 Stream - 7:00 or 12:26 on unlisted version)
Arin says that Attack on Titan is a Right Wing Anime (Finale - 14:24-14:50)

This is how you DON'T play Super Mario 64 released
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7VlQdlzYOg&feature=youtu.be

Game Grumps Subreddit reaches 200k Subscribers

Dream Daddy Comic Released
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Dream-Daddy-Dating-Comic-Book/dp/1620106310

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Playthrough
Old Grumps heads used from episodes 1-18 and 45-58
One of the fan favourite series for the year (Cases 1 and 2)
Guide was used starting in case 3
Huff Puff Remix released
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-23GlSmkm4
What should be episode 36 comes out as episode 33 skipping 3 episodes and spoiling a major twist almost immediately
Despite someone saying they would fix the issue, the next two episodes uploaded were still out of order
Kris left a comment on the third video stating that the issue will be fixed
The post credit scene was skipped with Arin saying "This is like the post credit Marvel Scenes, who gives an F" (Part 60 - 44:00)
"Thanks watching Phoenix Wright all the way through... all 5 of you..." (Part 60 - 44:23)
Case 5 was untouched
People liked this series so much that they decided to make a Ace Attorney/Game Grumps fan game
Link: https://www.reddit.com/GGAceAttorney/

Dan and Arin's Furry History Compilation Released
Only compilation to have a Jon Clip (1:06:26-1:06:37)

Hashtag ArinAppreciationDay on Twitter
Arin Appreciation Day is not only a hashtag, but also a Twitter page that "is a holiday celebrated every 3 months on the 18th all about Arin Hanson"
Link: https://twitter.com/arinaprofficial?lang=en

This Is How You DON'T Play Spongebob Battle For Bikini Bottom
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fq8SjxYj9ls&feature=youtu.be

Dream Daddy Live Event
Event to celebrate the two year anniversary of Dream Daddy as well as the release of the comic books
Q+A with the developers
They also had a book signing at a Barnes & Noble
It did not go well
Link: https://twitter.com/dreamdaddygame/status/1141535149386895362

Game Grumps Live: The Final Party
The last time for the current format of Game Grumps Live which is playing Mario Party with the audience

Supermega opens a Patreon
Link: https://www.patreon.com/supermega

Guest Grumps with Ben Schwartz
Arin states that using mouthwash will kill all the bacteria in your mouth making you more likely to get sick (1:15:42-1:16:05)
He says the same thing again in Arin's Mouthwash Conspiracy Theory later changed to Mouthwash Makes You SICKER?? (8:38-9:58)

Rant Grumps Subreddit reaches 10K Subscribers

Super Life of Pixel Playthrough
Dan tries to tell a story about him sleeping in a car when he couldn't make ends meet
Arin interrupts with a story about his morning bowel movement (13:50-14:48)

Monopoly for the Switch Playthrough
Arin says he doesn't want to say "Crazy" as well as other words because it might offend people in the future (Part 1 - 7:57-9:36)

Game Grumps Garage Sale
A two day garage sale selling old and restocked merch
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6jswlr4Lzc
Day two was canceled due to overcapacity (They received 800 RSPV's but only expected 100 people)
A couple years ago Arin tweeted that he was at a Wendys and over 500 people came
Link: https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1OCLT_enCA758CA758&biw=1920&bih=969&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=esX4Xf3FOMX19APE2b74DQ&q=game+grumps+arin+wendys+meetup+tweet&oq=game+grumps+arin+wendys+meetup+tweet&gs_l=img.3...5458.6564..6747...0.0..0.48.344.8......0....1..gws-wiz-img.xFqX4_y5yAA&ved=0ahUKEwj96rua07zmAhXFOn0KHcSsD98Q4dUDCAc&uact=5#imgrc=h4sCZ0-IUiuZTM:
Several fans were upset because they traveled a large distance to meet the Grumps but now they couldn't
The police had to cut the line for safety reasons
At least one game was sold with a personal note in it (the person was cool with it though)
Link: https://twitter.com/CorySurname/status/1145074308684734464
Arin sold RWBY figures that the deceased Monty Oum gave him
Link: https://shin-cos-zilla.tumblr.com/post/185936003927/im-on-the-right-with-dan-got-these-figures-that
Arin's eulogy to Monty
Link: https://egofaptor.tumblr.com/post/109935479534/monty
Arin comments on the situation
Link: https://twitter.com/egoraptostatus/1145154505589190656
Fans were upset because Game Grumps owns Real Good Touring a Touring Company, as well as selling out of live shows (Between 1-2k Seats), so they should have known that a lot of people would come and overall the situation should have been handled better.
Brent the organizer of the event was proud about how things went
Link: https://imgur.com/a/gxj3u6D
Garage Sale was later reopened online
Link: https://www.instagram.com/p/BzejKcQHTCW/?igshid=1v8s3guee4fj6
Hero Hei releases a video about the garage sale
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luU6JBFrndI
Despite a promise of something bigger and better nothing new has been announced to this date

Due to a large number of people having problems with the mods on the Game Grumps SubReddit, TheGameGrumps SubReddit was created
Link: https://www.reddit.com/TheGameGrumps/
The subreddit hasn't posted anything in awhile so it might be dead
New Mods were later added
Link: https://www.reddit.com/gamegrumps/comments/ck0xw4/new_moderators/
As well as a new rule to allow crticism
Link: https://www.reddit.com/gamegrumps/comments/damkgb/new_rule_update/

Game Grumps Glitches Compilation released
All the swear words in future compilations and videos will now be censored
The censoring is very inconsistent as some clips are and some aren't
To censor the clips both the game and voice audio were removed meaning there was no sound making it very noticeable
Fans were noticeably upset
The decision to censor was later taken back and changed to be only the first minute (Mario Maker 2 Part 4 6:20)
Despite this Arin has started censoring the words he uses as well as Ben censoring some words

Ding Dong and Julian comment on the Dream Daddy Drama
Ding Dong's comment: https://www.reddit.com/rantgrumps/comments/c79mwg/oneyplays_and_dingdong_and_julian_and_dreamdaddy/esebaeq/?context=3
Follow up comment: https://www.reddit.com/rantgrumps/comments/cnznog/chatmort_has_a_new_video_criticizing_arin/ewkwt66/?context=3
Julian's comment: https://www.reddit.com/rantgrumps/comments/c79mwg/oneyplays_and_dingdong_and_julian_and_dreamdaddy/esfbkcx/?context=3

Game Grumps Intro changes Arin's hair streak to pink
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOsn2Ed81co

Hard Times releases a joke article about Game Grumps
Link: https://thehardtimes.net/harddrive/newest-game-grumps-episode-just-14-minutes-of-games-title-screen-while-arin-and-dan-discuss-how-weird-it-would-be-if-they-kissed/

Arin says that he never was mean to anyone nice to him
Link: https://twitter.com/egoraptostatus/1145965967731650560
People were quick to point out that in Paper Mario Arin is passive aggressive about someone helping Dan choose what badges to wear after Dan asked for help (Part 76 2:57 - 9:05 and 10:40 - 14:20)
Arin says he used to mess with people a lot more when he didn't get recognized as much (Why won't we play Minecraft?? 8:22-8:36)

Super Mario Maker 2 Playthrough
Dan says that they should give up on Ross's level in the first episode (Part 1 - 11:55-12:50)
Ross appears in several episodes
"Everything we've ever done in the history of this show that you've hated, has been because of the algorithm." (Part 4 - 6:58)
Dan says that he was hoped "I'll teach you the ways" from the Power Hour became a meme. It didn't, so Ben put in some edits saying "Let's make this a thing!", forcing the meme.(Part 13 - 9:43-10:45)
"Eat the lettuce" repeated 29 times (Mario Maker 2 only Parts 31 - 51)
"Ahh the French" repeated 51 times (Mario Maker 2 only Parts 31 - 51. "California Champagne" was not counted)

Nine years after its initial release Arin removes the N word from Metal Gear Awesome 2 as well as change the thumbnail

Dream Daddy gets a port to both Switch and Mobile devices

Chat-Mort Release Why I don't Like Game Grumps Anymore
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOs0_WQkRHA&feature=youtu.be
Part 2 - Arin Actually Made It Worse Oh My God
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmYLCX5MM0w&feature=youtu.be

This is How You DON'T Play for Sonic Adventure DX
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXWbWgW1--w

Dream Daddy Live Event at San Diego Comic Con
Link: https://twitter.com/dreamdaddygame/status/1149043370515259393
Event to celebrate the two year anniversary of Dream Daddy
Q+A with the developers
Canceled: https://twitter.com/dreamdaddygame/status/1151240507894325248

Super Mario Maker 2 Stream
They accidentally shut off the stream PC so the first stream just cuts off
Link: https://twitter.com/GameGrumps/status/1151284404448198656

Game Grumps turns seven
More than three months later, a 7th anniversary pin was released
Link: https://twitter.com/GameGrumps/status/1177266584894758913
The Price is $28 + shipping and handling

Game Grumps opens a YouTube Membership
$5 for to support the Grumps and you get access to their Discord, pre-stream podcasts, and chat emojis
Pre-stream podcasts later release as normal videos (only one episode so far)
Streams have been cut so no more pre-stream podcasts as well as nowhere to use chat emojis
According to people on the Discord, Allie is very active, Arin rarely shows up, and Dan never shows up

Game Grumps opens a new channel The Grumps
Annoucement: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vT0cDl9AvcM (0:13 - 1:25)
Link to new channel: https://www.youtube.com/thegrumps
Many people were asking about the previous channel Grump Out
According to the Game Grumps Discord (Allie) they forgot the password and Barry is the only one who has it
Two shows are currently on The Grump. The 10 Minute Power Hour (moved from Game Grumps) and The Show With No Name (Changed to Good Content)
The Show With No Name was originally designed to answer fan questions and highlight fan content in order to engage and talk more with the audience but that is no longer the case since changing the name to Good Content
Allie, the social media manager, is the producer of Good Content
Arin says that he is fine with The Show With No Name to have clickbait (Twilight Princess 46 - 1:04-2:17)
No new shows have been thought of. (Dan's on a Celebrity Wikipedia?? 1:17-1:28)
Since the move, the Power Hour views have dropped about 300 to 400k. Maybe more.

Arin asks on Twitter if he can be on Drunk History
Link: https://twitter.com/egoraptostatus/1153852746379874304?s=21
So far no collabration has been released nor has a public response been made

Guest Grumps with Michelle Visage
Dan tells a story about a person who pretended to be a security guard who followed Dan and Arin backstage. (46:10-46:29)

jacksepticeye uploads I Rented Really Expensive Cameras Just To Talk To Arin Hanson
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9_ZzX-qnic

Sr Pelo releases Every StoryTime Animation
The video was an over the top animation about Story Time Animators
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3viekW3AnRA&feature=youtu.be
Arin says that the animation was mean and that old sytle Newgrounds cartoons like these are not good fun and hurtful
Link: https://twitter.com/egoraptostatus/1156735123397550080?lang=en
Chris (OneyNG who is an old Newgrounds friend of Arin's as well as Cohost of Doodle Doods and lived with Arin for several months) responds
Link: https://twitter.com/oneyng/status/1156758386614181888?s=21
Link: https://twitter.com/OneyNG/status/1156766311269261314
Link: https://www.reddit.com/OneyPlays/comments/ckmnnt/this_one_tweet_hit_harder_than_any_other_for_me/
Cory Spazkid (Another of Arin's old Newgrounds friends) responds as well
Link: https://twitter.com/Spazkidin3d/status/1156782289315082241
Link: https://twitter.com/Spazkidin3d/status/1156820471406649349
Link: https://twitter.com/Spazkidin3d/status/1156950172104056832
BlueBreed (Smut Grumps Author) response
Link: https://twitter.com/blue_breed/status/1156739757138952192
The situation quickly spun out of control and "Arin" was even trending on Twitter (Supposedly at Number 1)
Sr Pelo's response
Link: https://twitter.com/_SrPelo_/status/1156808074549706752
Arin's comment on the situation
Link: https://twitter.com/egoraptostatus/1156968893346246656
Despite Arin's response, people were still upset as it was a non apology and only mentioned himself
While others threatened to kill anyone who didn't leave Arin alone (Might have to click on the picture to see the whole thing)
Link: https://twitter.com/JaxInTheBox69/status/1157146391027675136
Sr Pelo's reply to Arin's response
Link: https://www.reddit.com/gamegrumps/comments/cks8y3/all_is_well/
Spazkid's reply to Arin's response
Link: https://twitter.com/spazkidin3d/status/1156993905059147776?s=21
LS Mark (who was the egg crossing their arms in the animation) releases on his second channel Arin Hanson is the dumbest man alive
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abSD-o6DqRM
Game Grumps Instagram comments get put on limited due to the controversy

Someone leaked some images from Suzy's Alt Twitter (starboy2345) that was in protected mode
Link: https://imgur.com/gallery/8hpppot
Same date as second Tweet: https://imgur.com/a/8KJB3ZU
Arin also has a Alt Twitter that is in protect mode (georgewilsonesq)
Nothing from Arin's Alt has been leaked
Most of it is speculation but more details can be found here
Link: https://www.reddit.com/rantgrumps/comments/da3lm0/arins_secret_alternate_twitte

Continued in part two.
Link: https://www.reddit.com/rantgrumps/comments/eiku5t/game_grumps_2019_summary_part_2/
submitted by NotBlarg to rantgrumps [link] [comments]


2019.12.29 18:51 momalik96 Gf (21f) and I (23m) wants to reconnect with old guy friend who knows about our relationship issue. I would like a different perspective

Good morning, first time posting. 23 male. 21 female. 2 years loving relationship
I'm going to keep this story short. I've been dating my gf, "J" for 2 years now. Have been with her since October of 2017. I love her to death and am trying to gain my trust for her back after an incident where she cheated on me by kissing another guy (July, 2018). Yes, some will ask why I didn't cut, but she came to me and told me, versus me finding out. We were having issues prior to the incident but not my fault. We chose to reconcile because I was just so in love and saw more in her because she is a kind and loving person. We are very serious and our relationship has gotten stronger.
Jumping to now, we had a conversation in which she misses talking to this guy "Matthew" and because he was her good friend that would make her laughnot the guy she kissed.The problem is that the same time we had the incident, he knew about it because they both were in another city for a french-school trip exchange for university. Come the start of fall semester in 2018, she introduces me to this friend. I meet, shake hands, we depart. See, i was all cool but then her telling me he knows about our relationship issue of cheating just very bothers me. Another part of the story is that while they were texting throughthe semester, my gf mentions that he sent her a "❤" emoji and my gf didn't understand what it meant. Like who sends a heart emoji to another girl unless you like her. He also had asked my gf to dance and be dressed in a bikini, act seductively in a music video with him for which he would pay her. I said no and asked her to stop talking to him for which she did. She hasn't talked to him for over a year and misses talking to him as a friend. But if he was really a friend, could he not ask some other girl who is an actual model/dancer. What bothers me more is that she misses him. I don't miss any female ex friends and I wouldn't say that to my gf because it just sounds wrong.
I get it's okay for women to have guy friends and vice versa. She has had guy friends in the past which i had no issue nor do i have now. If he didn't know about our relationship issue, if he didn't send the heart emoji and ask my girl to dance for him, i would have been cool but this has been on my mind all day. I need some clarity. I do trust her to make the right decisions but she is at times naive when it comes to knowing the intentions of some guys. My gf is beautiful and she gets hit on or approached by guys which I'm perfectly fine with.
That is what I see as disrespectful to our relationship, knowing she and i are serious. What do you guys think? I would like some good feedback. No bashing please. I will not leave her as I really love and care for this woman. It is her life and I want her to be happy, without me controlling who she talks to.
Another point i want to make is that I'm not perfect either. A girl i made a platonic friendship with over 2019 summer had taken me out for a movie, paid for my tickets, drove me, with me thinking we're just hanging out. I didn't realize it was a date in her mind after she started asking me questions about hobbies, etc. After i realized what was happening, i told my gf and she was not comfortable with me being friends with her so i blocked her. I respect my girl and will do everything to make her feel comfortable. In this situation, i feel uncomfortable being around people who know about our relationship issue.
Thanks,
Tl;dr: Gf wants to reconnect with old guy friend. I feel uncomfortable due to his past interactions with her and him knowing our relationship issue.
submitted by momalik96 to AskMenAdvice [link] [comments]


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